Sunday, December 31, 2023

Regret and loss in love

"Loving you is a privelege but being loved by you is a blessing."
Dec 31, 2023
_

I can't see you smile, hear your voice, or listen to your snore every night. I've lost everything, but the most painful loss is the privilege to say "I love you." I regret not saying it every day. I guess I was too shy to express it. I regret not acknowledging how happy you made me feel every time we laughed while gossiping. You weren't meant to be my destiny, yet I will miss your company for the rest of my life. I am burdened with a lifelong yearning.

Nov 29, 2023

Kari kambing

"Katering lambat. Abang order nasi minyak, ayam masak rose, acar timun, kari kambing, pulut kuning, rendang ayam, cendol pulut"
"Sedapnya. Macam kenduri"
"Masa makanan sampai abang dah balik. Dia orang call bagitahu buat doa selamat. Seronok makanan banyak"
"You are so kind walaupun pelik tapi I tetap sayang you hihi"
"Kejab lagi nak keluar"
"Pergi mana?"
"Klang. Ambil yong tau fu, popia basah, kuetiau goreng kerang, roti jala, sagu gula merah, pengat pisang. Lama tak makan pengat. Sagu gula merah lagi la, bertahun"
"Amboi borong semua favourite dia. Favourite kita tak beli pun"
"Favourite awak tak payah beli. Sentiasa tersedia 24 jam "
"Abanggggg!" *pap pap pap*

Saturday, December 30, 2023

Peluk bantal

Dulu...

"Alaaa kenapa susun bantal dekat tengah ni?”
“Majuk”
“Alaaa kenapa majuk pulak?”
“Abang tak nak layan sayang”
“Abang kan tengah buat kerja. Habis nak tidur macam mana?”
“Peluk bantal”
“Tak nak peluk abang?”
“Tak mo”
“Boleh tidur lena ke peluk bantal? Hahahaha”
“Tak nak kawan abang”
“Buang bantal, tarik sayang rapat, peluk kuat-kuat. Tak majuk dah kan?”

(tt)

_ _ _ _

Some memories never fade….

28 Ogos 2014
_

I vividly remember that moment. You were very affectionate with me and would get easily upset if I focused on my work instead of talking to you. Yes, those were such sweet times when we were still together.

Jerit

"Abangggg, bangun laa"
"Ngantuk"
"Bangun laa"
"Tidur"
"Tak nak. Susah la kawin dengan orang pelik"
"Pelik lagi"
"Abang tu"
"Apa?"
"Bangun la. Hari ni istimewa"
"Semua hari sama je"
"Abanggg bangun laaa"
"Ah tak nak"
"Kita jerit"
"Jerit la"
"Abanggggg! Bangunnn!!!"
"Ara! Shhh! Terjaga semua nanti"
"Biarlah. Siapa suruh abang tak nak bangun"

Seluar

"Kenapa pakai seluar?"
"Ha?"
"Kenapa tak pakai baju? Panas ke?"
"Tak pakai baju pun salah?"
"Abang jangan la pelik"
"Apa yang pelik?"
"Selalu abang pakai kain, tak buka baju. Malam ni tak. Abang demam ke?"
"Sini. Banyak betul cakap"
"Takkk. Kita risau je"
"Dah pakai kain, tanya kenapa tak pakai seluar. Pakai seluar, tanya pulak kenapa tak pakai kain"
"Abang tu, pelik"
"Kejab, nak tukar seluar pendek"
"Lagi la pelik. Abang tak pakai shorts. Abang kenapa? Abang nak mati ke? Alaa jangan laaaa"
"Mati terus haha"

Female ghost

I arrived safely in Manila and went on a three-day work trip to check on the construction progress. Everything went well, but I still noticed the presence of a female ghost. However, I managed to finish my tasks and returned home earlier than planned, as my wife requested, before December 31st.

Hantu kacau tak?

"Ara masak apa? Lapar"
"Nasi kenduri hihi"
"Nasi pun sedap, Ara pun ehem wangi"
"Jangan eh. Nenda ada sana"
"Mana ada buat apa"
"Hantu kacau tak?"
"Tak. Duduk diam je"
"Nasib baik. Kalau tak, hangus dia kita gorengkan"
"Amboi"

Go-kart

Daddy: What were you guys doing when daddy went out of town?
Umar: Ibu took us to go karting
Kakak: We went shopping!
Adam: We had dinner at a Korean restaurant
Kakak: And Ibu let us go to the cinema, but she didn't come with us
Adam: Daddy, we watched the best movie!
Umar: Kakak kalah hahaha
Daddy: What about the twins? Did they cause any trouble?
Kakak: They were really cooperative

Thursday, December 28, 2023

Every moment

"I reached out to you because I miss you, whatever life brings....I always thought, why isnt it you I having it with.....

I wanted to be you who I shared every moment with...every ups and downs...all that life has to offer..."

_

You realize how much you truly miss someone when something happens, good or bad, and the only person you want to tell is the one person who isn’t there

Dec 9, 2015

Wednesday, December 27, 2023

3 33 am

"I love you to no end"
Sept 12, 2012
_
I love you endlessly...

Permanent ink

"…your special place in my heart is still there...unshaken.."

Some things,
and some people,
are written
in your soul
with permanent ink.

(JmS torm)


30-11-2023

Jujur

"Kita check YouTube history abang"
"Jujur"
"Asal semua lagu sedih. Paling sedih Mimpi yang Pulang"
"Pulang ke hilang?"
"Beza ke? Sama je kita dengar"
"Lain la"
"Hawu. Kita stalk abang je"
"Tak ada kerja kan"
"Ha'a. Apa beza pulang dengan hilang?"
"Abang pun baru first time dengar. Tak pernah dengar sebelum ni"
"Abang jangan layankan sangat perasaan"
"Lagu je"
"Tak, abang layan lirik. Kita tahu"
"Tak ada kerja sungguh la"
"Siapa suruh abang tak ada medsos. Kita bosan la. Asyik makan je"
"Semua nak ambil tahu eh"
"Ha'a wajib. Asal lagu abang sana sini mati. Cinta je mati"
"Lagu jazz tak ada mati ke?"

Peluk

"Cantik Ara malam ni"
"Kita rasa berat kita naik"
"Biar naik. Sedap sikit peluk"
"Selama hari ni tak sedap ke?"
"Hahaha"

Tuesday, December 26, 2023

My personal journey

Years ago, when you left me, I felt lost and didn't know where to turn. I searched for a way to escape my sadness but couldn't find one. That's when I started reading the Quran. I read the translated version and tried to understand its meaning. Since then, I have become addicted to the Quran. I carry it with me everywhere and read it whenever I can. Then, I stumbled upon a verse that mentioned your name, and an overwhelming sense of serenity washed over me, causing a smile to grace my face for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

Whenever I long for you, I repeat that verse from the Quran until I feel a sense of contentment. It's incredible how Allah has a way of comforting His followers, even in the smallest gestures like uttering a beloved name that holds a special place in my heart. Since that moment, I've come to realize that you never truly departed from my life. You remain with me, albeit in different ways. If you had not departed, I might have never experienced such a profound love for the Quran. The Quran has a remarkable capacity to nourish our hearts.

In my moments of confusion, I find guidance from Him. He grants me a small but immensely meaningful gift: the act of uttering your name. I am grateful to your parents for bestowing upon you such a beautiful name. Whenever I yearn for your presence, I turn to reciting surahs from the Quran, just as I am doing now. Through the pain of a broken heart, I have discovered the path to making the Quran my most cherished companion. The Quran reveals stories of prophets and their trials, from which we can glean valuable lessons.

Pavilion Residences, Bukit Bintang, KL
27-12-2023, 3.54 am

Mimpi Yang Hilang


To catch a glimpse of you

What time did you arrive home, or are you currently working the late-night shift? I visited Taman Delima today, reminiscent of the old days, but unfortunately, I couldn't locate your house as I seem to have forgotten the address. Next time, I will make sure to wait in front of your house, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. By the way, how did your housecall service go? I hope your business was successful. Once you achieve a monthly income of RM 12,000, please treat me to a cup of coffee, alright? It's not just wishful thinking; I genuinely believe in your ability to accomplish it.
 
Kajang, Selangor
26-12-2023, 8.08 pm

Meeting with former client

Today, I had an impromptu meeting with a client I had worked with in the past. They had reached out to me expressing their interest in finding ways to increase their income. They invited me to meet them at the Impian Golf & Country Club in Kajang to discuss the matter further. The meeting lasted around two hours and 45 minutes, during which we explored different opportunities and strategies for generating additional revenue.

Monday, December 25, 2023

Boundless sea

In the depths 
of twilight's embrace,
Where shadows 
dance and moonlight traces,
I surrender, 
heart and soul, to thee,
As waves surrender 
to the boundless sea.

In your presence, 
I find solace deep,
A sanctuary 
where passions leap,
For I crave your touch, 
your tender art,
A symphony composed 
within my heart.

Our desires entwined, 
an eternal flame,
Burning fierce, 
yet never knowing shame,
I yearn for you, 
as you yearn for me,
A union destined, 
a love set free.

Together we'll wander, 
hand in hand,
Beneath the stars, 
on love's sacred strand,
No distance too far, 
no tempest too strong,
For our souls are bound, 
forever belong.

So let us yield 
to love's enchanting might,
And weave 
a tapestry of passion's light,
For in surrender, 
we discover the key,
To a love that's pure, 
forever to be.
_
"It's a beautiful poem"
"Abang suka?"
"Suka sangat…"
"Hihi"
"……"
"Abang kenapa?"
"Boleh tak Ara doakan abang? Abang tak nak ingat orang lain. Setiap kali abang ingat, abang rasa bersalah dengan Ara Tapi abang tak mampu kawal. Abang dah cuba tapi gagal"
"There are some people who hurt us so deeply that we can never forget them"
"Abang rimas tapi tak tahu nak buat apa. Abang takut satu hari nanti Ara tinggalkan abang sebab hal ni. Abang dah jumpa psikiatri, abang dah makan ubat tapi sama juga"
"All storms shall come to an end, sayang. Let Allah handle your affairs. Jangan fikir sangat nanti murung"
"Okey"
"Tengok orang poligami, hati siap sayang 4 tau. Abang anggap ajelah abang sedang pra-poligami"
"Ada ke macam tu"
"Tak payah fikir berat-berat. Abang tu dah tua"
"Tua pun tak apa asal perkasa. Ada orang surrender hahaha"
"Eeeee! Jangan la" *pap pap pap*
"Hehehe"
"Apa?"
"Garang"
"Hola. Singo"
"Singa apa manja je hehehe"
"Jangan laaaaa. Abangggg"
"Tak nak surrender malam ni? Hujan…rintik…sejuk"
"Tak nakkk"
"Tidur. 3.30 pagi abang gerak"

Dads deserve appreciation too

I am thoroughly enjoying the precious moments I'm spending with my father-in-law. We have been immersing ourselves in various rejuvenating experiences, including cupping therapy, traditional massages, spa and sauna sessions, and even treating ourselves to professional hair styling.

_

I didn't get a chance to spend my life with Walid. May all fathers receive the attention that we used to give to our mothers. Dads need appreciation too.

How is your dad? Is he healthy? What is he doing after retiring from his job?

Sunday, December 24, 2023

I want you

"I am surrendering myself to you"
"I want you as much as you want me"

Pavilion Residences, Bukit Bintang, KL
25-12-2023, 3.45 am

Quality time

Ara decided to take her mother and grandmother for a relaxing day at the spa. They enjoyed getting reflexology treatments and went shopping at Suria KLCC. It was a great chance for them to spend time together and bond.

Saturday, December 23, 2023

Kenangan lama

Kita yang ajak dia baring. Kita yang lentok kepala dekat bahu dia. Kita baru nak betul badan sebab nak peluk dia (lepas cakap ayat-ayat cinta). Kita baru senyum-senyum nak kenyit mata.

Penat buat roti ye, sayang?


Tidur lena mimpi indah.
Selamat malam.


16 Oktober 2013

_

I still remember this moment until now. You went to bed early because you were so tired from baking bread.

Did you still sleep in the same bedroom you used to?

Kelip-kelip

Nampak kelip-kelip, teringat awak.

My father-in-law

I had a fruitful season with my father-in-law discussing and listening to metaphysics. He is such a great man to spend time with. Every time I buy a book for myself, I also buy one for him. Now he buys books for me as well. It's wonderful. I plan to go to Kinokuniya with him before returning to San Jose.

Melawat tempat bersejarah

Cuti kali ini bawa anak-anak melawat Perak Utara - Muzium Perak, Kota Ngah Ibrahim, Rumah Kapten Speedy, Bukit Larut dan Kota Raja Bersiong. Sempat juga menaiki bot menyusurii Pusat Eko-Pelajaran Hutan Paya Laut Matang di Kuala Sepetang. Kuala Sepetang atau lebih di kenali sebagai Port Weld merupakan sebuah pusat tourism dan perikanan yang amat popular suatu ketika dahulu kerana fungsinya sebagai pusat perlabuhan terawal dan memiliki landasan kereta api pertama Malaysia yang menghubungkan Port Weld dengan Taiping.

You're beautiful

After a game of polo with Ara, I decided to bring her to a Vietnamese restaurant, knowing her fondness for Vietnamese rolls and che, a traditional Vietnamese tea.

"You look like a million dollars today"
"Thank you"
"*You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do"
"Memang pun. Tengok je. Cakap la hai ke apa ke"
"Apa pula. Kan senyum"
"Lepas tu tunduk. Geram kita"
"Nervous Lawa sangat haha"
"Mengada"
"Kita nak perempuan biasa-biasa je tapi Tuhan bagi yang cantik sangat. Cantik sangat-sangat"
"Kalau kita dah tak cantik, abang still sayang kita tak?"
"Kita tengok nanti macam mana haha"
"Eeee!"
"Mesti la sayang. Sayang sampai syurga"
"Mulut manis"

*You're Beautiful by James Blunt

Friday, December 22, 2023

Shadia

Ya Rabb, it has been almost a week since she last responded to any of my text messages. Please watch over her and keep her safe.

Searching for someone

Sometimes, we search for someone not because we've lost them, but because we've lost a part of ourselves that can only be found in their presence. 

— Unknown


Pasar Dato' Keramat
22-12-2023, 5.40 pm

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

Merayu Tuhan


Tak berubah

Ombak tetap setia menghempas pantai, biar bertahun lamanya air laut tetap asin tak berubah rasa.  

Batu Ferringhi, Penang
21-12-2023, 12. 44 pagi

Gembira

"Biar dia orang penat main dari penat emosi"
"Pandai abang ambil hati budak-budak"
"Abang tak ada zaman kanak-kanak macam ni"
"Jangan la sedih"
"Umur 7 tahun dah fikir nak cari duit. Sepanjang hidup abang cuma kerja. Kerja apa yang abang tak buat"

_

"Pakcik, boleh ke makan semua makanan?"
"Semua kita punya"

_

"Pakcik boleh ke makan 50 sate?
"100 pun boleh"

_

"Pakcik, boleh ke ambil ais krim 3 perisa?"
"Boleh"

_

"Pakcik, ni apa?"
"Ketam"
"Saya tak pernah makan ketam"
"Hari ni boleh makan. Sini pakcik tolong buka"

_

"Pakcik, bila kita boleh makan? VVIP selalu datang lambat"
"Semua yang ada sini tetamu pakcik"
"Saya VVIP pakcik?"
"Ye"
"Gembiranya!"

_

"Terima kasih pakcik"
"Kenyang semua?"
"Makanan sedap!"
"Dah habis borak, tidur. Esok kita pergi solat Subuh dekat masjid"
"Terima kasih pakcik. Kami gembira"

_

"Terima kasih pakcik peluk saya. Saya tak ada ayah"
"Pakcik pun tak ada ayah"
"Bila saya dewasa, saya akan jadi ayah terbaik macam pakcik"

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

The reality of love and relationships

The saddest and most awful truth is that those who love each other are not always the ones with whom they end up spending their lives.

The Jerai Hill Resort
20-12-2023, 5.43 am

Monday, December 18, 2023

Can we go for a walk?

"Can I keep you forever?"
"Why do you think you can't keep me forever?"
"Abang, am I good enough for you?"
"Why do you think you are not good enough for me?"
"Let me sleep on it. I'll give you an answer once I wake up"
"Laa"
"Asyik suruh kita fikir. Abang tak letih ke fikir?"
"Tak"
"Abang sayang kita tak?"
"*You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known—and even that is an understatement"
"Mmm…"
"Hmm"
"Abang, abang"
"Hmm"
"Abanggg jangan la tidur"
"Mana ada tidur"
"Abang malas layan kita eh"
"Tak la"
"Abang mmmm"
"……"
"Jangan la tidur. Kita nak bual"
"2.30 pagi dah. Tidur la"
"Tak nak"
"Nak apa? Ayat cinta?"
"Tak nak"
"Nasi goreng?"
"Tak nak"
"Ais krim?"
"Tak nak"
"Habis nak apa?"
"Hihihi"
"Orang tanya tak nak jawab"
"Abang, abang"
"Ara nak apa sebenarnya?"
"Can we go for a walk?"
"Sekarang?"
"Ha'a"
"Pagi nanti kita pusing habis satu Hartamas. Sekarang kita tidur dulu"
"Tak nak"
"Yelah. Jom"
"Hihihi"

_

"Abang jangan mati tau"
"Ha?"
"Sunyi la kita kalau abang mati"
"Semua orang akan mati"
"Abang jangan mati. Kita cakap jangan, jangan la"
"Ha ye"
"Abang pegang tangan kita sampai kita tua tau"
"Ye"
"Sampai kita kerepot"
"Ha"
"Abang, thanks jalan-jalan dengan kita"
"Seronok?"
"Ha'a. Abang, boleh tak jangan pergi sana…kita tak nak abang mati"
"Abang pergi dua tiga minggu, lepas tu abang balik"
"Lama…"
"Sekejab je"
"Tak payah pergi, please. Kita tak nak abang pergi sana"
"Abang jaga diri. Janji"
"Kalau kena kepala macam mana? Siapa nak jaga kita?"
"Tak. InshaAllah"


*F. Scott Fitzgerald


Kuala Lumpur
19-12-2023, 4.25 pagi

Dating

"Cantiknya Ara hari ni"
"Kita hari-hari cantik"
"Tapi hari ni cantik lagi"

_
"Terima kasih bawa kita keluar dating"
"Ye"
"Cakap la sama-sama sayang. Tak romantik la abang ni"

_
"KL ni mana nak cari laicikang?"
"Panda"
"Hish!"
"Apa marah kita"

_
"Abang tak beli cakoi?"
"Nak ke?"
"Tak nak"
"Abang nak cari laicikang berbuka nanti"
"Berbuka kita je senang hihi"
"Saja kan"

Sunday, December 17, 2023

Lingering emotions in relationships

My psychiatrist says that relationships can be complicated, and it's not uncommon to have lingering emotions for someone even when you're in a committed relationship with another person.


Kuala Lumpur
18/12/2023, 9 am

Nasi lemak sotong

"Ara, 6..20 dah. Bangun"
"Tak nak"
"Okey, tak jadi beli nasi lemak sotong"
"Berani abang tak beli"
"Amboi pandang macam nak makan orang.. Bangun cepat"
"Dukung"
"Bangun"
"Dukungggg"
"Awak nak satu rumah tahu eh"
"Nak pregnant la. Boleh minta dukung"
"Laki dah tua. Tak larat dah dukung"
"Alaaaaa"

Ayat cinta

"Abang"
"Hmm"
"Kita tak boleh tidur"
"Pejam mata. Nanti tidur la"
"Tak boleh jugak"
"Ara nak apa?"
"Ayat cinta"
"Tadi dah bagi"
"Nak lagi"
"Mana ingat"
"Cepat la"
"3.30 pagi dah ni. Esok je la"
"Tak nak. Nak sekarang"
"Kejab nak Google""
"Cepat la"
"Ayat cinta tak ada. Abang je ada. Nak?"
"Tak nakkk. Sempittt"
"Sempit la best. Boleh himpit-himpit"
"Abanggg sana laa"
"Shhhh"
"Abanggg"
"Shhhh"
"Mmmmm"
"Hmmm"
"Mmm"
"Dah, tidur"
"Abanggg"
"Hmm"
"Sayang abang!"
"Tidur"
"Eee tak romantik langsung"

Treasure of the heart

Terima kasih kerana menemani saya melihat bintang, langit dan bulan walaupun pada hakikatnya saya hanya merenung panjang tanpa dapat melihat apa-apa.

Saya: Abang tak nampak bintang pun.
Awak: Sayang tolong jadi mata untuk abang eh.

Manis.

30 Mac 2013

_
Memories are timeless treasures of the heart. — Unknown
_

Hi Hana,

Did you gaze at the moon tonight? Can you see the stars? Uncle didn't see anything. The sky is dark. Maybe it's going to downpour.

Hujan emas di negeri orang

Daddy: Berjalan tempat orang luas pengalaman, berjalan tempat sendiri mengenal kearifan tempatan. Tahu akar budaya, asal usul supaya tak lupa diri
Adam: Orang lain pergi luar negara dia condemn negara sendiri
Umar: Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri. Lebih baik di negeri sendiri
Daddy: Senyap je Kakak. Umar: Fokus makan
Kakak: Kakak diet, okey
Adam: Kakak nak kerja airlines, daddy
Daddy: Tu daddy sokong!
Kakak: Daddy, best tak kerja airlines?
Daddy: Best tapi daddy tak lama jadi steward. Tak dapat banyak ilmu. Pengalaman pun tak banyak. Tapi best la
Umar: On ke tak on Kakak?
Adam: Kenapa daddy tak jadi pilot?
Daddy: Daddy tak minat. Nenek suruh daddy jadi doktor pun daddy tak minat. Dengan sengaja daddy tak score paper bio. Lepas tu daddy kena marah dengan nenek. Pedih telinga kena bebel
Umar: Daddy sunyi tak Nenek tak ada?
Daddy: Mesti la sunyi. Kalau ada Nenek, masa dapat tahu Ibu pregnant boleh call Nenek, tapi daddy tak ada rezeki macam tu. Nanti menantu daddy pregnant, Umar call daddy, okey?
Adam: Kesian daddy
Daddy: It's a part of life. Hidup kita akan ada kekurangan tapi banyak kelebihan yang kita ada, orang lain tak ada. Kita fikir yang kita ada. Yang kita tak ada, jangan fikir sangat sebab nanti kita sedih kita tanya Tuhan kenapa orang lain ada tapi kita tak ada. Tuhan bagi nikmat kita bersyukur, Tuhan bagi ujian kita bersabar. Tak boleh sabar pun, sabar juga. Nak tumbuk dinding ke apa ke lepas tu pujuk hati tambah lagi sabar.
Umar: Khusyuk makan
Kakak: Kakak dengar la
Umar: Dengar boleh, percaya jangan
Kakak: Youuu! Sabar, sabar

Saturday, December 16, 2023

My soul

"Kerajaan dah mansuh Akta 498. Mengorat isteri orang bukan lagi jenayah. Abang bila lagi?"
"I ignored so many people for one person"
"Abang…sorry. Ara gurau je"
"It hurts me so much. I ignored so many girls for her, yet she ignored me for him, someone she only knew for two days..."
"……"
"I trusted her, but she stabbed me in the back. You know how I feel? I'm seriously shattered. I hardly trust people"
"You still holding out for her to come crawling back to you?"
"Every day, until she shows me her wedding card. My time is up"
"Sekarang pun, kan?"
"Tak terfikir dia datang balik"
"Kalau datang?"
"Nak datang, datang je la nak buat macam mana. Takkan bini kita nak tengok saja"
"Tahu pun Jangan kacau laki kita. Lumat kita kerjakan"
"Amboi. Tak main kerat. Lumat terus sekarang haha"
"Tapi kalau laki kita pilih dia, kita nak buat apa kan. Suami hanya pinjaman. Tak di ambil Tuhan, di ambil orang. First love always wins"
"I have found the one whom my soul loves"


Maxwell Hill, Taiping
17-12-2023, 2.09 am

Friday, December 15, 2023

Kelapa muda

"Abang, Bonda nak sate. Nak abang je yang beli. Aaaaah geram kita"
"Dah order. Lepas Isyak ambil"
"Kenapa tak guna Panda?"
"Selama ni kan Ara yang order. Abang mana reti"
"Panda je la"
"Kita orang lama. Walk- in"
"Itu la kita kawin dengan orang tua. Nasib handsome hihihihi"
"Kelapa tua banyak santan. Sedap masak. Kelapa muda harap manis je lebih"
"Kelapa muda la sedap"
"Sedap apa thanks abang selalu hahahahaha"
"Hey!" *pap pap pap*
"Tua la sedap. Manis, berlemak, cukup serba-serbi"
"Abang jangan macam-macam eh"
"Mont Kiara sebelah je kalau nak balik sana malam nanti hahahaha"

Kerat 18

"Lamanya sembahyang Jumaat"
"Lepas solat, pergi kubur lepas tu pergi Datuk Keramat cari cakoi"
"Kenapa tak pergi Kajang?"
"Jauh"
"Pelik"
"Pergi yang dekat jimat masa"
"Kenapa tak pergi Kajang?"
"Kenapa ulang soalan?"
"Saja. Nak kepastian"
"Kajang esok. Hari ni mana ada"
"Tiba pergi Dato' Keramat. Mesti ada apa-apa"
"Tak ada apa"
"Ye ke?"
"Ye"
"Abang jangan macam-macam. Kita kerat 18 nak?"
"Amboi. Macam potong ayam"

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Penerbangan

Dalam penerbangan paling lama di dunia - dari New York ke Singapura.

Sunday, December 10, 2023

Luqman

"Bila daddy dapat tahu Luqman dalam rahim Ibu, daddy gembira sangat, tapi daddy tak ada keluarga untuk di hubungi. Daddy cuma mampu sujud syukur. Kemudian, daddy dapat tahu Luqman ada kembar. Tuhan kabulkan permintaan daddy untuk memiliki anak sulung lelaki. Daddy harap dia mampu menggalas tanggungjawab menjaga keluarga apabila daddy sudah tiada. Semoga Luqman di kurniakan akal fikiran yang cerdas seperti Luqman al-Hakim, sihat tubuh badan, dan di beri kesempatan menjadi pejuang yang membebaskan Al-Aqsa satu hari nanti."

Cari penyakit

"Taklah. Kawan abang cari PI. Dia syak bini dia ada lak lain"
"Ooo"
"Lupa simpan mana"
"Ara nak tanya, tapi jangan marah"
"Mula la tu"
"Nak tahu je. Abang kenal laki orang Kajang?"
"Tak"
"Pernah tengok?"
"Sekali. Gambar kawin"
"Mana? Nak tengok!"
"Dah masuk mesin. Hancur lebur"
"Sehancur hati abang"
"Kenapa Ara tanya?"
"Kenapa abang tak belasah je dia?"
"Bukan salah dia"
"Dia siapa?"
"Amboi banyak tanya"
"Jawab la"
"Tak tahu"
"Kenapa tak siasat?"
"Abang nak tahu hal bini dia je. Hal dia buat apa"
"Takut sakit hati?"
"Tak"
"Bistu?"
"Tak nak tahu. Tak payah ambil tahu"
"Umur berapa?"
"Sebaya katanya"
"Kalau jumpa, abang cam tak?"
"Tak ingat muka. Tengok sekali imbas je"
"Sekian soalan"
"Kalau orang Kajang, mesti la ingat"
"Amboi! Senyum simpul"
"Tersenyum secara tak sengaja"
"Abang tidur luar malam ni. Jangan peluk kita. Peluk Kajang sana"
"Hartamas sedap masalahnya hehe"
"Tak kuasa kita. Pergi la Kajang"
"Jangan la marah. Usik sikit dah cemburu"
"Siapa cemburu?"
"Apa tu marah-marah nanti lekas tua"
"Biar tua. Biar arghhhhh!"
"Ah sudah! Cari penyakit"

Main kombat

"Apa pula salah daddy. Kembar pun tak salah. Ibu yang salah. Siapa suruh Ibu bangun"
"Abanggg dah 2 pagi"
"Kembar bangun minum susu lepas tu tak nak tidur, ajak main"
"Abang pun satu. Layankan aje anak nak apa semua bagi"
"Ibu jangan kacau kita orang main kombat"
"Haishhhh!"

Sweet fire

Checking my email has become a routine, even though I know deep down that there won't be any messages from her. We have already said our goodbyes. It's difficult, it hurts, but what else can we do? We find ourselves longing for a connection even in our separation. The tiniest bit of connection has the power to fill the void in our hearts, which relentlessly yearns for each other. It's truly a curse to miss someone so deeply that forgetting them seems impossible, and it brings immense sadness.

Embrace the pain of longing, for it is love's sweet fire. — Rumi

Saturday, December 09, 2023

Rusuk yang bengkok

"Ara jangan la cakap pasal sate. Tengok hari tu Bonda tanya. Buat malu je"
"Bukan sate, sate Kajang. Kalau sate je kita okey. Spesifik"
"Abang yang suka sate. Tak ada kaitan dengan orang Kajang"
"Nampak tak? Dah mention. Geram kita"
"Betul la Arwah Ummi suka sate Kajang. Dulu selalu beli. Seorang dapat makan 5,6 cucuk je. Harga masa tu pun dah mahal"
"Sorry…kita tak tahu. Abang tak cakap. Salah abang"
"Dah Ara belum apa dah main serbu"
"Salah abanggg"
"Perempuan mana pernah salah"
"Ha'a. Kita kan datang dari rusuk yang bengkok. Salah abang tak betulkan"
"Ada je nak menjawab"

Jangan pergi Kajang

"Abang, balik KL jangan pergi Kajang"
"Dah nak buat apa pergi Kajang?"
"Kura-kura tanya"
"Belum kemas beg dah warning siap"
"Awal tak kalut hihi"

Ecstasy

"Sepatutnya kena tambah "In your ehem, I found my ecstasy" hahahahahaha"
*pap pap pap*
"Extreme pleasure tu hahahahaha"
"Abangggggggg eeee! jangan la"
"Orang puji pun marah"
"Abangggggg!"
"Confirm tak cari lain hahahaha"
"Abang jahatttt!"

I found my forever

My beloved one,

Each time you kindly express gratitude after our intimate moments, a gentle warmth envelops my heart. Your thankful words make me feel deeply valued and honored, igniting a passionate desire within me to craft even more magical experiences for us in the future.

In your eyes, I found my home, and in your heart, I found my forever.


Eternally yours,
Sugar baby

Friday, December 08, 2023

Rumput di seberang sana

"Entahlah Ara. Mana kita tahu hati orang"
"Tapi macam tak patut je"
"Kita tak ada kuasa nak persoal takdir yang Allah tulis untuk kita. Dah itu ujian dia. Kenalah terima"
"Beratnya…"
"Semua ujian berat bersesuaian dengan kemampuan kita. Selagi Allah rezekikan kita hidup bersama, jaga apa yang ada depan mata. Rumput memang selalu nampak hijau di seberang sana padahal yang kita pijak tak kurang cantiknya"
"Kan"
"Macam Abu Nawas cakap, semua perempuan yang ada di luar sana sama macam isteri kita, cuma bentuk dan warna berbeza. Apa yang ada pada perempuan luar, ada juga pada isteri kita"
"Kannnn"
"Kita kena selalu anggap isteri kita lebih baik dari perempuan lain. Contoh, isteri kita tak reti kemas tapi bila masak, lauk banyak macam kenduri"
"Contoh punnn"
"Hahaha betul la"
"Abang nak makan apa petang ni?"
"Kerabu maggi"
"Lain mace"
"Teringin"
"Kungfu tok sey doh?"
"Tu lebih isteri kita. Kerabu maggi makan dekat rumah je. Kerabu sedap, yang buat pun ehem sedap juga hahaha"
"Galok eh galok"

Feeling of heaviness

The weight of this emotion is truly overwhelming. I find myself eagerly anticipating the moment when this burden will be alleviated, yet it appears that the only viable path forward is to exercise greater patience.

My beautiful moon

"I still think of you whenever I admire the beauty of the moon…"

_

You are the Moon, renowned for your serene beauty and gentle silver light.

Thursday, December 07, 2023

Senja dengan rona merah

"Cantik, kan?"
"Senja dengan rona merah yang berbilang, seperti perasaan - membawa kita terbang ke suatu dimensi"
"Mmm…"
"Jom masuk. Nak Maghrib"
"Alaaa"
"Esok pulak main buaian"
"Tak nak"
"Jom abang kata"

_

She asked me what I saw in her eyes and I told her that I saw the reflections of thousand sunsets each one more beautiful than the last.

— Unknown

Kerat 14

"Kita tengah bangga orang cakap pasal lelaki-lelaki yang berjihad dekat Gaza; gagah, tegap, perkasa macam abang"
"Nak beli apa?"
"Hihi alaa macam mana tahu ni"
"Monster?"
"Alaaa mana tahuuu"
"Monster tak boleh. Baru je cat"
"Kenapa abang cat merah?"
"Tak ada la merah sangat. Macam merah hati kan?"
"Merah jugak"
"Entah. Masa tengok rasa cantik"
"Bila nak ride? Kita pergi London nak?"
"Baik balik Malaysia terus"
"Jom la"
"Ara bawa, abang okey"
"Tak nak. Kita nak peluk abang"
"Kalau superbike tak apa jugak. Ni monster. Bila nak sampai. Ahhh malas abang"
"Kita cari laki lain"
"Abang kerat Ara 14 nak?"
"Mona Fendy kerat 16"
"Ye la. Ara kurang 2"

Tumbuk dinding

"Abang…dah okey?"
"Dah tumbuk dinding semalam rasa okey sikit"
"I'm married to an eccentric man hihi"
"Eh takkk"
"May I see your finger?"
"Okey je"
"Ilmu apa tu tumbuk dinding jari tak patah?"
"Rahsia haha"
"Masa Ara dapat tahu Haff teruk kena belasah, Ara nervous gila. Ara macam, abang buat ke"
"Apa kaitan dengan abang?"
"Tak ada kaitan. Saja cakap"
"Ye la tu"
"Ara lega sangat. Temui damai di hati gitu hihi"
"Orang tu sakit, dia seronok"
"Siapa suruh dia kacau bini abang kannnnnn. Mendapat la"
"Taktik nak abang mengaku eh"
"Takkk"
"Dia apa cerita?"
"Macam abang cakap"
"Abang cakap apa? Lupa dah"
"Entah, kita pun lupa"
"Pulak"
"Pegang muka kita lembut je tapi tumbuk bata pecah. Begitu hebatnya laki kita hihi"
"Mengata abang"
"Takkkk"
"Bangun. Jom solat"
"Malas"
"Tahajud dua rakaat je"
"Malas"
"Apa ni semua malas"
"Laki ada, semua kita malas"
"Laki tak ada rajin eh"
"Ha'a. Dah khatam Quran"
"Tu baru pergi berapa minggu. Kalau kawin baru, mahu seminggu sekali khatam"
"Tak, kita khatamkan dia dulu. Eh, ada hati nak ambil laki kita"
"Sayang"
"Siapa je tak sayang laki"
"Sayang laki jom solat"
"Alaa malas"
"Dah malas sudah. Abang nak mandi"
"Nak ikut hihi"
"Tu rajin"
"Mesti la hihi"
"Dah ikut kena solat"
"Tak nak la ikut"
"Yela-yela ikut tak payah solat"
"Hihi dukung la cepat"

It's you, always you, only you

"Abang…luka tak?"
"Tak"
"Patah?"
"Tak"
"Kenapa tumbuk dinding? Abang kan ada punching bag"
"Entahlah. I have lost my mind"
"Do you miss her?"
"Tak"
"Abang... you can tell me anything"
"I want to move forward. I want to live with you. I want to forget her. Merindu dia buat abang sengsara. I feel drained"
"Sayang, letak ais"
"Tak nak"
"Kalau sakit macam mana nak tolong orang?"
"……"
"It's okay, sweetheart. Life gets messy sometimes. Take a rest. Don't quit. I can't bear to lose you. Your kids love you. You've done well up until this point"
"……"
"Maybe you're not the problem. Maybe she is. Who knows if the person she chose over you has let her down. She thought he was better than you, but she was mistaken. Who knows, maybe she was calling you back into her life for a second chance. Sometimes people return to what they have lost"
"……"
"Since we got married, I've lost count of how many times you've punched the wall without breaking your finger"
"Ara……hmm"
"It's okay. I know you love me. I know your heart is for me. I never doubt it. Every girl wants a solid dude, right?"
"……"
"If she comes back, let her in. If she wants you, she will work hard to win back your heart"
"It's you, always you, only you"

Wednesday, December 06, 2023

Seeking professional help

Today, I decided to get professional help, so I'm currently waiting at a psychiatric hospital to see a psychiatrist. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Ara. She wants to make sure I'm mentally ready to pursue whatever I want to do. Unfortunately, Costa Rica lacks proper facilities to handle mental health patients, so I decided to walk back home. The place made me feel uncomfortable, and I don't have confidence in the institution's ability to provide adequate treatment. I believe Malaysia would be a better option in comparison.

Mimpi

"Abang mimpi apa?"
"Kena kepung dengan askar, nak kena bakar. Dah nyala api. Lepas tu dengar tahanan selawat Nabi . Sampai turn abang,, api dah nak sambar nasib Ara kejut"
"It's just a dream. Don't think about it, okay?"
"Sakit kepala. Ramai dalam tu nak kena bakar"
"Mana ubat abang?"
"Dalam beg"

Tuesday, December 05, 2023

Anak kecil

"Tentera semua ada sini"
"Penat Ibu cari"
"Lepas minum susu, baring-baring dah lena"
"Senang je abang tidurkan dia orang"
"Tadi belajar million ada 7 kosong, billion ada 9 kosong, trilion ada 12 kosong, sextillion ada 21 kosong, decillion 33 kosong, centillion ada 303 kosong. Lepas tu cerita pasal Panama Papers"
"Duit je eh"
"Haah haha. Dia orang bangun kejab lagi nak buka kotak buku. Tiga kotak tu semua buku kembar"
"Banyaknya"
"Seronok ada anak kecil tapi abang dah tua nak ada ramai anak. Nasib Tuhan bagi 4 terus"

Geram

"Marah lagi eh?"
"Tak"
"Diam je dari tadi"
"……"
"Jangan la marah"
"Abanggg"
"Apa?"
"Abangggg"
"Tak baik masam muka dengan abang. Abang dah balik jauh. Rentas 4 negara. Naik turun kapal terbang"
"Abang tu"
"Kan dah minta maaf"
"Kalau kena kepala macam mana?"
"Tak kena, kan?"
"Kalau kena"
"Kalau kena ma…"
"Jangan sebut"
"Ara masak apa?"
"Rasa nak je gulaikan abang!"
"Amboi. Marah sangat tu"
"Gerammm!"

Cold water immersion

I am taking an ice bath.

Baju berlubang

"Kenapa baju abang?"
"Kena dawai kot"
"Kalau dawai tercarik. Yang ni berlubang"
"Ada la tu kena apa-apa abang tak perasan"
"Kena apa?"
"Kita masuk investigation room ke?"
"Ha'a. Ara nak jawapan"
"Abang tak pasti kena apa"
"Betul abang tak tahu?"
"Hmm…apa yang Ara fikir betul. Abang tahu tapi masa tu abang terpaksa keluar"
"Kenapa tak bagitahu Ara?"
"Abang tak nak Ara risau"
"Setiap saat Ara risau…"
"……"
"I don't want to lose you. Kalau kena kepala macam mana?"

Minyak wangi

Daddy: Wanginya. Nak pergi sekolah ke mana ni? Perempuan mana boleh pakai minyak wangi. Pergi tukar uniform
Kakak: Kakak tak pakai perfume
Daddy: Habis minyak wangi siapa?
Umar: Kakak spray dekat beg
Kakak: Tak haram kan, daddy hehehe?
Daddy: Ada je la idea dia

Kain pelikat

"Dah-dah cukup. Kenyang dah"
"Sedap tak?"
"Sedap sangat"
"Berapa bintang?"
"9/10"
"Hihi"
"Kenapa kurus? Tak makan?"
"Makan"
"Ambil nasi. Lebih sikit"
"Kata dah kenyang"
"Lauk sedap"
"Cukup?"
"Sikit lagi"

_

"Duduk sini"
"……"
"Buka mulut"
"Ara dah makan"
"Buka mulut"
"……"
"Makan banyak sikit"

_

"Jom abang dukung naik atas"
*senyum*

_

"Lega dapat mandi"
"Abang masam"
"Ha? Ye ke?"
"Hihi taklah. Gurau je"
*sembur minyak wangi*
"I miss your scent"
"Lama tak bau perfume Ara"
"Rindunya tengok abang pakai kain pelikat"

_

"Laa tak tidur lagi?"
"Tak"
"Buat apa lagi tu?"
"Rambut ada, dahi ada, kening ada, mata ada, hidung ada, telinga ada hihi semua ada"
"Bibir?"
"Ada"
"Betul ke ada?"
"Err……hihi"

Sunday, December 03, 2023

Never truly apart

I'm going back tomorrow. It feels hard to leave this place, but people don't always have a choice. See you next time. I am happy for you regardless of what has happened between us. I do get mad at you sometimes, but one mistake can't change what I once felt for you. Take care of your husband and kids. May all of you live in happiness until the end of time.
_

We remain forever connected, separated but never truly apart.


Yours in fond remembrance,
Imran

Tak sedap hati

"Abang…abang hidup lagi, kan? Abang tak mati, kan? Abang…abang…"
"Ara, kenapa nangis ni?"
"Ara mimpi abang mati kena bom. Badan abang berkecai. Ara tak jumpa abang"
"Mimpi je tu. Dah, jangan nangis"
"Abang balik, please. Ara takut"
"Abang tak boleh balik lagi"
"Please, abang. Ara nak jumpa abang. Kalau abang mati, Ara tak dapat tengok abang"
"Ara jangan fikir. Abang okey"
"Please abang. Lepas tu abang pergi la sana balik"
"Ara…"
"Ara tak sedap hati. Please abang"
"Okey, esok abang balik"
"Janji?"
"Janji. Dah, jangan nangis"
"Tak dah"


Panggilan telefon
3-12-2023

Saturday, December 02, 2023

Rindu tak berhenti menggoda.

Di malam sunyi 
hati rindu terasa
seperti burung 
terbang mencari sang saudara
oh, cinta yang jauh 
bagaimana mungkin terlupa
kau di sana, aku di sini 
tapi rindu tak berhenti menggoda.
_

Rindu Ara. 

Without you

A cup of hot tea, jazz music, and a bonfire - without you, I am lonely. I miss you, darling.

1-12-2023, 11.35 pm

Friday, December 01, 2023

Unforgettable


Tonight, while enjoying a cup of hot tea and reading my wife's favorite Japanese novel, I find myself listening to this song that she loves. Even though it used to make me fall asleep quickly when I first heard it, I have now come to enjoy it.

Winter is coming

Winter is coming to Gaza, and it's going to be very cold. Because of the ongoing conflict, many people in Gaza have had to leave their homes, and now they don't have anywhere to live. Their houses and buildings have been destroyed. These people are used to living in houses without heaters, fireplaces, or hot water, especially during winter. But now, it's even harder for them because they don't have warm clothes to wear. The war is still going on, and there are worries about people's survival because diseases are spreading too. 

The Gaza truce has ended

The extended truce has been end even Hamas request for permenant ceasfire. This morning, more than 20 Palestinians killed since Israel resumed attacks on Gaza after expiration of truce. Confirms that more than half of Gaza’s housing units — around 40,000 — were completely destroyed by Israeli bombardments. People are now living in tents or hospitals, and this place is becoming too overcrowded.

I continue to live with the pain

It saddens me and triggers memories from our past when I hear about someone being unfaithful in their relationship. I'm aware that you used to have feelings for me, but those feelings changed when you fell in love with someone else. If my place in your heart hadn't been affected, you wouldn't be with him now. It's a simple equation. What if I were the one who betrayed you? Would you be able to forgive me? Would you treat me with kindness again? My heart still hurts, and the pain remains with me every day.

Thursday, November 30, 2023

Yasmin

I met a girl named Yasmin, and they call her Yas, just like your mom used to call you. She looks a lot like you, with similar eyes, nose, face, and even hair. I can't help but wonder where you have been. Whenever I see the Eiffel Tower, it reminds me of you and brings back memories. I really hope you come back home safely.

Dear Yasmin

Dear Yasmin,

Wherever you may be, I want you to know that I am deeply concerned about your well-being. I have been wondering about your whereabouts. Are you safe and sound? Have you encountered any unfortunate circumstances? 

Please take care of yourself. Your mother relies solely on you and doesn't have anyone else in this world. I earnestly implore you to return home safely. Your presence and safety mean the world to her.


With sincere regards,
Imran

Loyalty is nobility

The nobility of characters is loyalty.

— Uyun al-Hikam

Second person

"…your special place in my heart is still there...unshaken.." 

If you truly love me, there will be no room for a second person in your heart. Love should be singular, unwavering, and devoted solely to the one who holds your heart.

Luka hati

Apakah kebahagiaan yang kau sarungkan kau cipta dari luka hati seseorang? — Karl Agan

Love is a complex emotion

Love is a feeling. You can love somebody and stab them in the back.

Love story of Aisyah Hijanah

I know you're feeling sad, Aisyah Hijanah. It's challenging to see someone we love marry someone else. Please remember that our hearts are ultimately under Allah's control, and He has the power to influence and transform people's hearts. In Surah Ad-Dhuha, verse 3, Allah declares that He found you lost and provided guidance. Always keep in mind that Allah is fully aware of our circumstances and is always ready to guide and support us when we are lost or facing difficulties. Stay strong, and may Allah continue to guide you through these tough times.

_

My wife told me a moving story about a love affair where a husband decides to get involved with his wife's best friend.

For men, when your wife hangs out with her friends, it's best to stay out of it. If she invites you to join, politely decline.

Take care of your heart first and make sure no other woman comes between you and your wife.

I miss everything about you

Ara darling,

I know you have been tired staying up all night taking care of our child. I wish I could help you like I used to, but I can't come back home right now. How are the twins? Are they doing well? I miss them tremendously.

I miss everything about you. You are the soul of my soul. Being with you brings me a sense of calm. May Allah take care of you, my dearest wife, just as He takes care of me. I miss you every second that I take a breath.

"قلبي يغرد بحبك كأجمل أغاني البلابل"
(Translation: "My heart sings with love for you, like the most beautiful songs of nightingales.")

Till the end of time,
Abang


29-11-2023

Wednesday, November 29, 2023

They were just kids…

They were just kids. Why did you shoot him? He was running away because he was scared of you, and you shot him. When he fell down, other teenagers tried to help, and you shot him too. They were only 9 and 15 years old.

Allahu Rabbi wa Rabbikum.

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Warship

I miss you, Ummi. I always remember you telling me, "No matter what happens in life, don't panic. Just take a deep breath, and everything will be okay." It's heartbreaking to know that 15,000 innocent lives have been lost, and there are countless people who have been seriously injured. France has dispatched a hospital ship to Gaza to provide assistance. The ship is equipped with 40 beds, medical doctors, pediatricians, and surgeons. Hopefully, this can help the people in need.

Israel's chemical tankers

Israel has dispatched two massive chemical tankers carrying phosphoric acid to Gaza. These vessels are currently en route. The "relevant authorities" are actively searching for these tankers in order to prevent them from entering Gaza. Yemeni Houthis intercepted a third Israeli-owned boat on their coastline yesterday, which was also transporting phosphoric acid. The chemicals are now in Yemen.

Update:

The tanker carrying the chemicals has been seized by unidentified armed individuals in the Gulf of Aden.

Gaza's aid crisis

Gaza needs 1000 trucks of aid daily, but currently, only 100 trucks are available. Yesterday, Gazans queued for about 2 km to refill their gas canisters. Some used wooden windows and doors to create fires for cooking and light at night. There is still no electricity. If you could see the camps, you would find people there who are starving and have wounds that need medicine. They also don't have enough blankets to keep warm at night, and there is a shortage of clean water. All the camps are filled with people who desperately need these things, but there is not enough to go around. This is a real disaster.

Malaysia-Israel: The Hidden Trade Relationship

By: Aiman Zarul
May 1, 2012

Sometime in 2009, while touring the aisles at my local Kuala Lumpur supermarket, I came across an incongruous item: metal nut-crackers, encased in fetching blue packages bearing Hebrew inscriptions. Loosely deciphering several references including ‘Tel Aviv’, I jovially interrogated my bemused cashier about the origin of the stock, in the process apprising her of its country of manufacture. It was the first time I had seen Israeli products stocked in Malaysia, and it was also to be my last: returning to the store two weeks later, I found that the Israeli nut-crackers had been replaced with harmless Japanese can openers.

My experience was a practical lesson in the blurry enterprise that is Malaysia-Israel trade. Malaysia and Israel do not share political relations, and since 1965, bilateral trade has been indirectly channeled through third markets in a largely discreet process that is consistently disavowed by the Malaysian government. A legacy of popular anti-Israelism and staunch pro-Palestinian sentiment further complicates the picture. Hence why Malaysia’s former Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamed took a slightly harsher lesson in January this year when he accused opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim of surreptitiously disseminating Mossad-supplied data on Malaysia-Israel trade during the former’s tenure. Instead, Mahathir was widely seen as affirming past trade with Israel, and was thus rebuked by conservative Muslim Malaysians for having countenanced such trade. What we both learnt from our separate experiences was that in Malaysia, Israel is still very much taboo.

This is counter-intuitive. Mahathir’s replacement by the milder Ahmad Badawi in 2003, followed by Badawi’s own departure in favor of the Western-educated and secular economist Najib Razak in 2009, would have flushed out much of the virulent anti-Israel sentiment that typified Mahathir’s 23-year rule. Alongside rising income levels, Malaysian civil society has also strengthened in recent years (28 April saw a large pro-democracy rally in Kuala Lumpur, the second in two years), its advocates bidding to reconcile Malaysia’s state-enforced Islamic-Confucian social codes with socially progressive norms such as secularity and pluralism. Combined, these dynamics ought to have erased anachronistic preconceptions that hinder the sort of pragmatic thinking that Malaysia's sustained growth needs. But at least in the context of Israel, they haven't. Public figures still shy from suggesting trade with Israel for fear of receiving the same rapping as Mahathir and Anwar, leaving the private sector to take the lead.

But the hurdles that private actors face are impressive if not prohibitive. Malaysian and Israeli imports are subject to a double layer of import/export licensing rules. On the Malaysian side, this is a progression from the outright ban on Israeli imports (and exports to Israel) that operated before 1998, but the current rules are opaque and highly discretionary. While Israeli companies are able to indirectly flex into the Malaysian market from Singapore-based offices, the rules are a disincentive for Malaysian companies interested in tapping into opportunities in Israel. Ironically, this means that only Malaysian state bodies have the latitude and bureaucratic savvy to engage Israeli entities, and since Mahathir’s departure there have indeed been a handful of instances of Malaysian state-linked firms subtly transacting with Israeli businesses, particularly in confidential or security-related goods and services.

Today, the landscape is less discernible. Three years into his premiership, Najib has kept silent on Israel. He has continued Mahathir’s vision of turning Malaysia into the global hub for Islamic finance, but despite his moderate outlook and efforts to distance himself from Mahathir’s more controversial rhetoric, his job of strengthening ties with other Islamic economies (and re-forging ties with post-Arab Spring governments, many which are controlled by parties openly hostile toward Israel) in the fulfillment of this vision may in fact make it more difficult to ease trade channels with Israel. To be sure, Najib has worked to reinvigorate Malaysia’s traditionally tight relationships with Western partners, long neglected by his predecessors in favor of closer ties with the Organization of the Islamic Conference (OIC) and non-aligned states. Under him, Malaysia has also halted petroleum and palm oil exports to Iran in compliance with U.N. sanctions. But if these steps suggest that a softer stance towards Israel is inevitable, then a latent cautiousness caused by Najib’s own shaky standing among the young conservative rungs of his UMNO party and amplified by the imminence of his first general election, could very well disappoint.

So where are we going? Amongst Malaysia’s small but expanding foreign-educated youth, resolute apathy towards Israel is gently giving way to guarded curiosity. There is a growing interest among high-tech startups (many owned by recently returned graduates) in Israeli technology and business concepts. According to The Economist, Malaysians form a substantial proportion of Muslims taking advantage of current peaceful conditions to join special pilgrimage tours to Jerusalem, and as demand for tour places surges, so is the number of travel agencies approved by the Malaysian authorities to operate such tours. In the formal economy, trade data collated by the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organization suggests that much of Israel’s bourgeoning palm oil imports are in fact re-sales of Malaysian produce (Malaysia produces 51% and exports 62% of the world’s palm oil). While a host of factors has caused indirect material trade between Malaysia and Israel to flag considerably over the last 15 years, the substitution of trade in tangible goods for a trade in experiences and ideas may in fact augur very well, if not better, for the Malaysia-Israel relationship.

Monday, November 27, 2023

Beautiful words

"His mere existence, like a flickering candle in the darkest of nights, held the power to soothe hearts and banish the shadows that plagued weary souls. With a gentle smile upon his lips and eyes that twinkled with hidden wisdom, he exuded an enchanting charm that had the power to thaw even the frostiest of hearts. His presence, an ethereal balm, wrapped those in his vicinity in a comforting embrace, radiating a tender solace that whispered of hope and solace. There was an undeniable magnetism in his being, an intangible force that drew troubled spirits like moths to a luminous flame. In his gentle aura, a symphony of understanding and empathy played, each note resonating with clarity and resonance. In his company, the burdens of the world seemed to lighten, and the weight of existence itself became bearable. Oh, how fortunate were those who crossed his path, for they were graced with the gift of his benevolent spirit, forever touched by the magic he effortlessly wove into their lives."

Your words are so beautiful that they bring tears to my eyes. Whenever you write me a love letter, I feel loved and valued. This time, I don't know what to say because I am so overwhelmed. 

I love you, Ara.

This is not a war

I am confused. Is this a war? You guys enjoy breaking into people's houses, shooting at entire families, and stealing their jewelry and money, yet you call yourselves an army. What kind of army are you? A real army wouldn't shoot innocent people who are unarmed. War is when armies battle on a battlefield. That is war. This is not a war; it is a massacre. You kill people as if they are stones without any feeling. They are human. This is so bullshit!

Sunday, November 26, 2023

Damascus airport is down

Israel has attacked Damascus using air strikes, which has led to the closure of the airport. For now, all incoming flights have been redirected to other airports.

Violent Incident

The temporary ceasefire is coming to an end today, but yesterday saw the unfortunate loss of six lives and the detention of five individuals by the army. Among those detained were two individuals who had been injured and were taken from Red Crescent ambulances. The Israeli army also caused destruction to the sewage and drinking water networks in the street camp

Praying with you

The other night, I dreamt about you. It was the day you told me that you were feeling dizzy. In my dream, I was praying, and as I to give my salam, I noticed that you were praying behind me.

Sunday

"Hari ini Ahad. Seronoknya kalau berada di rumah; boleh kejar rama-rama, bagi ikan makan, tengok anak itik berenang, sedut madu kelulut, makan ubi rebus. Lebih kurang seminggu lagi, Costa Rica akan berubah musim." 
As I write this, my mind goes to you, my dear. I miss cooking with you in the kitchen, hugging you from behind, giving you a secret kiss on your cheek, and drinking from the same spot on the mug where your lips touched.

I miss you, darling.


26-11-2023

Carrying a burden in the heart

Ya Rabb, I can't thank You enough for making her open her heart and reach out to me again. It brings me immense joy, even though I have to prepare myself to say goodbye once more. Only You know the deep feelings I hold in my heart. Only You know how heavily I carry this burden in my heart.

I am deeply in love with her, yet you have not allowed her to be a part of my life. I don't understand the reasons behind this, and I won't question your divine decree for me. I firmly believe that everything you have planned is ultimately for my own good, even if it causes me pain.

23-11-2023

Saturday, November 25, 2023

Tyra

Last night, I dreamt that you rested your head in the palm of my right hand. In the dream, you were accompanied by your daughter named Tyra, and you were pregnant. Your belly was so big that it made it challenging for you to move, and you appeared tired.

In the dream, I was at a lake with very blue water. I didn't know exactly where it was because there were a lot of people there. Even after I woke up, I still felt the sensation of your head resting in my hand. It made me feel something that I can't quite describe

Gazans returning home

Since yesterday, thousands of Gazans have returned to their homes following a temporary ceasefire. The hostages have been released and joyfully reunited with their families and loved ones. 

Friday, November 24, 2023

Irreplaceable wife

My dearest Ara,

Thank you for your understanding and selflessness. I will take care of myself as I too want to come back home to reunite with you. It hurts every time we say goodbye, but what hurts even more is saying goodbye without the possibility of seeing you again. I want to see you again. I miss you and I want to remind you to take care of yourself. Whatever happens, I have forgiven you, and I always pray that Allah will grant you the highest heaven as a reward. You are an incredibly dear and irreplaceable wife.

Forever yours,
Abang

Footnote: Please keep my wedding ring safe. I will reclaim it once I return home.

A way of rejuvenating the mind

I didn't go outside. I took some rest. I did some cooking, washed my clothes, performed Sunnah prayers, and spent time reading the Quran. The Quran never fails to be the best companion. It enables me to let go of any anxiety, troubles, or stress I might feel. I took some time to write and jot down notes.

After the Isya prayer, I called Ara, and we had a two-hour-and-a-half-long conversation. She seemed okay, but she appeared somewhat fatigued and burdened with worries. She informed me that she had been avoiding the news recently to prevent further mental strain or overthinking and I comforted her.

Today marked the first time I called Ara since leaving home. The children are faring well. Huda is preoccupied with her final essay, while Umar and Adam are studying for an exam. As for the twins, they are as cheerful as ever. Ara takes them to the garden every morning for their daily butterfly-catching routine.

24-11-2023

The world we live in now


We are living in a world where life doesn't hold much value anymore. Cries can be heard everywhere as people lose their belongings, lives, and loved ones. If we were to experience the same, would we prefer to ignore it and pretend nothing is happening? The truth is, without our help, they are left feeling hopeless.

Photo: Dr. Shadia

Babies are crying for help



Starting from Thursday, there will be a four-day truce between Hamas and Israel, but the attacks have continued, with Israel primarily targeting children and infants today.

Correction: The four-day ceasefire between Israel and Hamas is scheduled to commence at 7 a.m. local time on Friday. This incident occurred prior to the ceasefire taking effect.

Photo: Dr. Shadia