Everyone has
their own story. I read some of my favourite blog. They write about life.
Mostly they are woman who frustrated with life. One of them had been divorce.
She has 4 kids. Another girl had fallen in love with someone but that guy fall
to another girl. Other girl writes about her pregnancy progress. Life full of
secret and have natural colour.
We met a person
who had lost his/her dear one. We met a woman who had lost her dear husband.
Some of them are struggling to keep alive. We are struggling every single day
to be breath. We are struggling in different types. Some of us have to work
hard to get more money for their child. Some of us have to fight with their bad
health. We do struggling in our own way.
Life is so
special. I do believe it. Our life will have ups and downs. It’s just like a
circle. Everybody will face the hard time once or more than once in their life.
That is why we called it life. Life is not static. Life has to move on. I have
passed so much critical time in my life. I didn't think to suicide but I did it
and I failed.
I’m suffering
not because I have brain cancer. I’m more suffering because of depression. My
life totally changes when I’m paralyzing, had tumour, need to dialysis, and
need to meet psychiatrist. It’s not easy
for me to adapt all that. I need time. Until now I still try to adapt my new
life style.
I didn't share
what I had been trough with my love ones. Maybe just a little bit. I don’t want
she worry about me. I just want her to study and complete her medical bachelor.
When she asked to accompany me, I said no. She needs rest to focus on her
study. How could I let her stay up just to be with me?
I knew how worry
she is. She couldn't sleep if I’m not accompanying her. All she has is me. It’s
so hard for her to close her eyes and not to concerning me. I didn't have any
choice. I won’t let she sacrifice her sleep time just to take care of me. That
is not my way. After all, I am happy.
I am happy I
have her and kids. I am happy because I still can write and read. I am happy
because I still can sing for my dear one before she sleeps. I am happy because
I wanted to be happy. Yeah, I’m fully happy of course. At least I try to be
happy. I don’t want my wife sad when she saw me crying. I want her to be happy
and always smile.
Years ago I
wanted she to leave me. I thought we will be happier. I want her to find
someone else to replace me, to give her happiness, to bring light to her. I
can’t do anything for her. I felt hopeless. To a man who can’t give happiness
to their love ones is not a man. She refuses to leave me. For several days, I
cried - I missed her badly. So do with her. That is my bad. I’m sorry honey.
I was wrong when
I thought without me she would be happy. I was totally wrong. When she have me,
she would be happy, neither me. That is life. What we thought the best
sometimes is not the best for us. What we thought not always right. We do hope
everything would be fine for us. We do hope our life won’t be this hard. We do
hope but we didn't have any power to say “I want my life back, I want my life
easy than this”.
We do have
something else that sometimes we just blind to cherish that - the people around
us. Without them we couldn't make it. If you meet someone who frustrated in
their life, do give your support. If you read a blog about hard life, do give a
doa. Help them so that He will help
you.
To my lady,
thank you for your love and hope. I won’t let you down. My day would be this colorful
if there are no you in my life. *yes I copy-paste your words - sharing is
loving right?*
Okay, I’m not
good in romantic word because I’m not romantic at all. Well, I’m conservative
man.
I love you - every
day.