Monster – “I needed time; she gave years.”

She gave you years of her life – loyalty, patience, sacrifice, and silent waiting without reciprocation. Her offering was maximal, her devotion unequivocal.

Blame yourself, not her.

_

I never blamed her. It has always been my fault from the start. You can’t convince me of something I already know deep inside. Being brutally honest is painful, but pretending and trying to lie to myself is just avoiding the truth. I don’t want to go back to the past. There is nothing left for me there. One of my feet has already stepped forward; only the other needs to follow. We are okay. We will be okay. I don’t want to beg for attention, affection, love, or care anymore. We don’t need that now. Let us keep our honour as a man this time. Let us hold on to our pride, not out of arrogance, but to keep our dignity. Let go of what was never meant to stay. You and I – we are the same person. Calm down. Take a deep breath in. Let it out slowly. I don’t want a passionate, extraordinary love anymore. I am too old and tired for that kind of love. Let the past stay in the past. He treats her better than I ever did. She treats him better than she treated me. Each time you miss her, remember her words to you – and it will help you keep your distance. That is the only way I know to slowly let go of what was once so beautiful to me. She’s good. She’s kind. She’s pretty. She’s rare. She’s full of energy, bold, and daring, with big dreams beyond normal life. Ara can never replace her. Yet here I am again… loving her quietly from far away, in the silent moments between the busyness of my days. She lives within every sight I see, every melody I hear, every word she once wrote. She will never leave my heart or my mind… but she is not mine. It hurts deeply to see the woman you love standing with another man, to see him touch her, kiss her, and do whatever he wants with her – when she used to be your safe place.

Vaiala Beach, Apia, Samoa

8 July 2025