"Abang kemas bilik kita?"

"Ha"

"Maceh tau. Bersih, wangi, kemas. Kita masuk jab g cepah tak?"

"Dah tahu tanya lagi"

_

"Abang dah restock makanan. Air kotak, mineral, buah kering, coklat semua ada"

"Ice cream?"

"Tu belum. Ra, air kotak buang dalam tong sampah. Plastik jangan selit celah katil"

"Astu la kita lupa"

"Benda senam tu lepas guna letak balik dekat gym"

"Okey"

"Okey boleh percaya ke? Kang beli eskrim, pembalut taruh merata semut datang"

"Semut datang salah abang, abang kan manis"

"Dengar tak abang cakap? Air kotak letak dalam tong sampah"

"Astu belum minum cam mana nak letak?"

12/10

"Menung aje acam orang tua"

"Habis baca Plato, abang baca puisi"

"Puisi apa?"

"Tak ada apa"

"Tengok tu"

"Jom tengok laut lagi baik"

"Nak baca, please"

_

His friend: Do you still wait for her?

He: Every night.

His friend: But she chose someone else.

He:

I know that's why I don't wait for her return

I wait for the day,

my heart finally believes it.

Someone else lives in her heart.

~R

_

"Dah belas-belas-belas tahun, bang. Masih tak percaya?"

"Mula dah"

"Kita nak tahu. Jujur aje"

_

"Jom tidur, Ra. Abang ngantuk"

"Esok tau jawab"

"Malam ni pun boleh"

_

"Bahasa apa tu? Alaaa"

"Cari sampai dapat jawapan"

"Tak suka laa"

"Panjat cepat. Orang dah ngantuk ni"

"Abang alaaa apa"

"Apa?"

"Alaaa"

_

"Hati abang dekat mana? Kita cari tak jumpa mmm cedey"

"Ara cari dekat mana?"

"Abang sayang kita tak?"

"…………"

"Astu tak nak layan kita"

"…………"

"Susah ke nak percaya?"

"…………"

"Menyampah"

"Ra, abang dengar"

"Kenapa laki susah move on?"

"…………"

"Bang. Abaggggg"

"Tidur, Ra"

"Tak nak kawan abang"

Jam 1 pagi. Selepas berbual di telefon, aku masuk bilik peribadi Ara — ruang kerja. Tentulah, seperti kebiasaannya, bilik tidak teratur — barang bersepah di sana sini. Bantal tidak bersusun, selimut tidak di lipat, katil tak di kemas. Di bawah katil, terdapat 3 botol air mineral dan beberapa air kotak kosong. Di celahan katil, aku jumpa plastik jajan dan coklat. Bersebelahan bantal, satu bundle kertas A4 yang belum di buka (jadikan bantal peluk agaknya). Fail, dokumen, buku, laporan, jurnal, monograf, stepler, pen berselerak di atas meja. Di atas lantai (nasiblah tak terpijak) ada laptop, Huawei Mate, phablet, dua peranti Samsung dan Nubia Z70S Ultra yang masih dalam kotak (agaknya dia belikan untuk aku sebab aku pernah tanya tentang brand Nubia). Okey sambung — 2 biji bola tenis (aku ajar dia buat refleksiologi tapak kaki guna bola tenis. Aku boleh bayangkan sambil menaip, mulut menguyah jajan, kaki gelek bola tenis, tangan capai botol air — She is multitasking at her very best!). Kalau tiba-tiba rasa nak masak kari ayam (kegemaran Umar), dia turun masak sekejab. Sementara tunggu didih, sambung buat kerja. Tu ha, plastik rempah atas meja. Berhampiran lampu meja ada dumbbell (janganlah tanya apa dumbbell buat dekat situ), novel Korea, perfume, facial masks (di bancuh dalam bekas. Dah kering pun). Bawah kerusi, selipar tinggal satu (mana sebelah lagi?). Bilik sudah bersih. Barang sudah tersusun. Cadar, selimut, sarung bantal sudah di tukar. Sudah mop, sudah lap, sudah vacuum. Esok, beli bunga letak atas meja. Sekian laporan dari bilik peribadi isteri. Bertemu lagi di episod akan datang. 

Oktober 9, 2025

Dancing with Ara in the kitchen after lunch. The headache has gone away, but the chest pain still lingers, though not too harshly.

It’s raining outside, just a light drizzle.

11/10

"Abang, mana baju?"

"Saja tak pakai"

"Tarik tuala"

"Memang tunggu. Cakap je, tarik la cepat. Tak sabar ni"

"Hihihihi mengada tau"

"Nak buat free show"

11/10

Dubai is home to more than 86,000 millionaires, 251 centimillionaires, and 23 billionaires. A remarkable concentration of wealth that reinforces its position as one of the world’s foremost centers of luxury, business, and global influence.

The trade war between the U.S. and China has made ETH, BTC, XRP, SOL, UNI, and SNX drop sharply.

11/10

"Ara okey? Emosi terganggu?"

"More than 50 rape cases are reported every day"

"Takkan nak tanya polis, tentera buat apa kan"

"Suruh report tapi case tak di bicarakan"

"How’s your mood? Stable or up and down? Berdepan benda macam ni lagi teruk dari tengok orang mati kena bom"

"I'm okay, abang"

11/10

Don't fridge your chocolate. If you must, wrap it tightly in plastic or an airtight container to keep moisture and odors out.

"Abang rindu Kajang senanya, kan?"

"Ha? Mana ada"

"Tolak macam mana pun tak pergi, abang. Penat aje"

"Apa?"

"Rindu abang tu"

"Memandai je la"

"Bang"

"………"

"Abang"

"Apa?"

"Untung kan…setia…"

"Siapa?"

"She's your home, kan abang? Babtu tak boleh tidur. Kita pernah baca somewhere"

"Apa Ara merepek ni?"

"Astu marah"

"Mana ada marah"

"She calls your name, and your heart says her name too"

"Abang sakit dada. Ara macam-macam"

"Nak baling kita tak larat kan hihihi"

"Ra"

"Sorry hihihi. Sini rindu sana. Sana rindu sini tak?"

"Dia ada suami. Tak adanya ingat abang. Sayang suami separuh mati tu"

"Astu abang yang sakit. Tahan marah astu rindu astu fikir"

"…………"

"Hati rindu astu mengaku aje"

"Ada satu puisi tu tulis 'My heart whispered her name, yet her ears belonged to someone else'. Penulis lupa"

"Kenapa buat kita sedih? Abang jahat la"

Panggilan telefon

9/10

"Tak valid dah soalan ada boyfriend ke tak ada boyfriend. Macamlah kalau ada orang tarik handbrake. Baling je pukat, kalau sangkut Alhamdulillah, tak sangkut baling lagi cari yang lain"

"Macam tu pulak"

"Yelah. Cuba je bukan rugi. Kalau dapat untung, tak dapat dah cuba"

"Tapi berbalik kepada hati kan, bang"

"Loyalty is tested when a better option comes. Abang bad mood. Jangan kacau sarang tebuan"

"Sampai hati tau nak sengat kita"

"Sepanjang Ara kerja dekat hospital, abang tak suka. Otak abang racing fikir macam-macam. Memang Ara dah terang pesakit semua perempuan bla bla bla tapi abang tak boleh fokus. Tulis surat dah 4 hari tak siap-siap"

"Faham, abang. Kita dah agak tapi sini kemudahan sangat terhad. Terpaksalah buat dekat hospital"

"Ara jaga diri. Abang ada meeting dengan client. Dada sakit tak tahu kenapa"

"Astu marah aje. Tarik nafas, relaks. Istighfar, sayang. Jangan marah-marah. Marah dari syaitan"

"Ara busy?"

"Kenapa?"

"Abang nak tidur. Teman kejab. Tiba-tiba mengantuk. Kalau ada kerja, off je telefon"

"10, 9, 8, 7"

"Ra…masa tak boleh undur eh?"

"Kalau boleh undur, abang nak buat apa?"

"Ajak Ara minum…masa dekat Kino…"

"Personally, kita rasa abang minta izin dengan Baba sangat gentleman. Kita baca mesej abang. Teratur aje ayat. Polite. Alaaa terbuka rahsia"

"Habis tu selalu cakap tak ajak keluar"

"Perempuan"

"Ara"

"Tidur, sayang"

"Ha. Okey"

Panggilan telefon

9/10

"Hari tu dah hantar, kan? Ni lain ke?"

"Asenya"

"Malas tengok"

"Abang nak kena goreng ke?"

"Yela kejab lagi tengok"

Panggilan telefon

5/10 

 "Kita boleh pilih jalan senang. Kita boleh pilih jalan susah. Jalan senang, kalau ada duit dalam bank, bawa keluar dulu. Kalau terus report, pergi JPN, duit akan masuk Amanah Raya. Banyak prosedur, membebankan, makan banyak tahun"

"Masalahnya adik-beradik tak setuju. Katanya risau ada yang songlap"

"Kalau harta bawah RM 2 juta, masuk Pusaka Kecil. Kalau lebih, lain prosedur. Orang Melayu ramai je harta RM 10 juta. Yang kecoh sangat, harta banyak mana tu?"

"RM 750k"

"Boleh settle melainkan kalau ada isu tanah yang tak setuju. Kalau sampai ke Pendaftar susah sikit. Tanah kongsi pun bukan nama tak ada dalam geran. Lot lidi lainlah, lawyer yang uruskan. Buat surat luar, sebab tu nama tak masuk geran. Tak buat depan Pentadbir"

Daddy: Baru handsome. Dah mandi, telor dah basuh

Adam: Adam mandi

Umar: 3 hari sekali

Daddy: Lepas main tak mandi. Dengan peluh, dengan busuk lepas tu masuk bilik, tidur. Mengadap Tuhan pun busuk. Kita ni sebagai hamba kena ada rasa malu nak mengadap Allah dalam keadaan badan berbau, tak mandi, berpeluh. Kalau jumpa manusia, baju iron. Jumpa Allah, bukan setakat iron, pakai haruman, gigi gosok, mulut jangan ada bau, baju bersih. Kita jumpa Allah waktu solat je. Allah ni istimewa, suka orang bersih, kan kebersihan separuh dari iman. Nabi suruh kita selalu bersugi. Boleh tak, kita, bila nak solat pakai pakaian yang terbaik yang kita ada? Kalau jumpa VIP boleh pakai baju mahal, fabrik terbaik, kenapa jumpa Allah tak pakai macam tu?

Adam: I’ll change my attitude. From now on, I’ll get clean before solat

Daddy: Good

"Abang tunggu luar pintu. Tak dengar bunyi air pun. Dia keluar, abang suruh mandi lagi sekali"

"Kita berleter dia chill aje gelak-gelak. Geram kita"

"Abang masuk bilik air tengok dia mandi. Lepas tu Ara tahu tak, dah habis mandi dia nak pakai balik boxer tu"

"Kita perasan aje takde boxer dia masa sidai. Kita pun buat-buat tanya boxer dah ambil belum dalam bakul. Dia buat-buat cari"

"Abang dah buang tadi. Subuh hari ni abang tunggu dia luar bilik air. Dua kali jugak. Abang ugut nak masuk baru nak mandi betul-betul"

"Rasain. Ibu cakap buat dunno. Mendapatlah"

Panggilan telefon

7/10

Foto: Pengguna Facebook

"Abang masuk IKEA pun tak pernah"

"Orang suka meetball dia. Ramai cakap sedap tapi kita tak pernah beli and dorang baru aje dapat halal certificate"

"Habis tu sebelum ni tak halal?"

"Abang Google sendiri"

"IKEA Malaysia mendapat pensijilan Halal dari Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia (JAKIM) untuk semua restoran, kafe dan bistro di seluruh negara pada 24 September 2025. Macam mana orang makan kalau baru dapat halal? Abang tak suka IKEA sebab isu lain"

"Pelangi?"

"Tak. Alam sekitar"

Panggilan telefon

9/10

"Lepas setahun abang cari akhirnya jumpa. Haa balik kita nari"

"Tak nak"

"Kenapa?"

"Abang sedar kan apa abang buat?"

"Menari tak ada kaitan dengan pukul orang. Ada perbezaan di situ"

"Tak kelakar, abang"

"Habis nak buat apa? Minta maaf? Abang tak buat salah"

"Abang buat apa hari ni?"

"Pukul orang"

"That wasn't the answer I expected"

"Abang ada sebab"

"Sebab apa?"

"Abang tengok pantai. Lepas tu nampak ada orang buli perempuan. Perempuan tu overweight tengah excecise. Abang buat tak nampak. Tapi…"

"Tapi?"

"30 minit abang tunggu dengan harapan hmm. Tu la harapan tinggal harapan. Abang sarung seluar, pakai mask menuju ke pantai"

"Astu?"

"Pukul je la nak tunggu apa lagi"

"No Q&A?"

"Nope. Lepas tu abang cakap, kalau abang nampak lagi dia buli perempuan ni, abang kerat telor dia. Merah padam muka terus dia blah"

"Astu puas hati?"

"Feel good"

"Mmmm"

"Orang tu dahlah stres berat badan pergi ejek pulak. Wrong time at the wrong place eh silap wrong place at the wrong time"

"Pasni tak boleh tengok pantai"

"Okey"

"Okey aje?"

"Dah bini cakap jangan"

"Abang, jangan pukul orang. Faham tak?"

"Ra, dia buli orang. Ingat tak ahli falsafah cakap the world has many bad people because good people stay silent when they see evil"

"That alone does not constitute lawful justification for your actions"

"Ha? Kejab. Sakit perut. Nak pergi toilet. Bye, Ra"

"Abang"

"Bye cepat. Orang sakit perut ni"

Panggilan telefon

8/10

"Jembalang mana entah call tak berhenti dekat 20 kali. Orang dah cakap lagi 2 hari tak faham-faham. Semalam angkat call terus kena maki"

"Tak menyempat acam pokok pinang nak hempap kepala"

"Marah abang lagi ke?"

"Kita tak marah abang mengamuk ri tu. Abang berhak marah. Kalau kita pun, kita marah. Siapa aje tak marah. Melampau k"

"Ye ke?"

"Kita marah abang pukul orang. Terdapat perbezaan di situ"

"Yelah tak buat dah"

Panggilan telefon

7/10

Daddy: Adam, semalam mandi?

Adam: Errrkkk

Daddy: Apa yang Adam takut sangat dengan air? Mandi kurang-kurang 3 kali sehari. Boxer tukar hari-hari. Rambut potong 2 kali sebulan. Tak mandi, tapi spray minyak wangi. Bau busuk jugak. Nak solat kena sentiasa bersih. Kita tak tahu kalau seluar kena air kencing. Mengadap Tuhan kena handsome. Dengan crush bukan main

Umar: He didn’t shower last night

Daddy: Umar janggut boleh simpan tapi kena rajin trim. Perempuan tak suka busuk

Umar: I’m not chasing girls. I live for the sake of Allah

Daddy: Nanti nak kawin jugak kan. Kena hidup dengan orang perempuan. Tuhan jadikan kita berpasang-pasangan

Umar: Maybe, but I’m good solo for now. Kids are expensive and peace is free

Advice to my sons

To My Sons, Umar and Adam

1. Rise Before Fajr

Wake before dawn, for the breath of the morning carries barakah. Let no one, not even your wife bear the duty of rousing you for prayer, sahur, or work. The first triumph of a man is mastery over his sleep.

2. Guard the Five Prayers in Jama‘ah

Establish the five prayers in congregation. The Messenger of Allah called us not merely to worship, but to stand shoulder to shoulder before our Creator. The man who guards his prayer guards the equilibrium of his life.

3. Share the Work of the Home

Learn to serve within your own house. You are not a king, and your wife is no slave. Greatness does not grow in idle hands. A wife seeks a partner she can depend on, not a child she must tend. Lighten her burdens, and her heart will remain your refuge.

4. Be Established Before Marriage

Before you seek a wife, establish yourself—in knowledge, craft, and livelihood. A woman’s respect for her husband is born of his steadiness. Society heeds the competent, not the unprepared, even when truth rests with the latter.

5. Marry a Woman of Akhlaq

Choose a woman whose beauty is rooted in her manners. Faces fade, but character endures. Her intellect and her piety will raise your children better than beauty ever could.

6. Love Wisely and Faithfully

Love deeply, yet keep a corner of your heart untouched, so that if love falters, you remain whole. When you marry, love the one you choose—for love survives not through perfection but through patience and devotion.

7. Heed Your Wife’s Counsel

Listen when your wife speaks. Wisdom is not the birthright of men alone. Many homes have been saved by a woman’s insight and many ruined when her counsel was dismissed.

8. Loyalty Is Proven by Temptation

True loyalty is not proclaimed—it is revealed when betrayal is possible. If someone chooses another, let them go. Do not compete for affection; true treasure cannot be stolen. Trust once broken becomes glass—it may shine again, but it will never be whole.

9. Master Your Desires

Lust consumes faster than fire. Guard your eyes, your time, and your solitude. One reckless moment can undo years of honour. The strongest man is he who conquers himself.

10. Discipline Your Body

Rule your appetites. Eat wholesome food and fast often. Strengthen your body; a frail form clouds the soul. Drink plain water—it clears the mind and steadies the nerves. Bathe often, trim your hair, and dress well; self-respect begins with order. Wear perfume, for pleasant fragrance softens the hearts of those around you.

11. Speak and Write with Clarity and Kindness

When you speak, speak gently; when you write, write properly and clearly, in full sentences. Words are mirrors of the mind — the clarity of your thought is seen in the order of your speech.

If you have nothing good to say, keep silent. Do not let your tongue wound others, for a careless word may cut deeper than a blade. The wise speak to build, not to break; and the most eloquent truth is sometimes silence.

Guard your speech as you guard your honour, for once released, words cannot be recalled. Remember: silence is not weakness — it is mastery over impulse, and often the highest form of wisdom.

12. Eat Together as a Family

Share your meals with those you love. The table binds hearts more firmly than speech. In the breaking of bread and the sharing of laughter, affection renews itself without words.

13. Respect the Elders

Honour the aged, regardless of their station. Never speak down to them, for they bear the weight of years you have yet to live. Listen to their stories; they are the roots of wisdom. One day you shall be the same for others.

14. Invest in Yourself

Never cease learning. Acquire the crafts that strengthen your independence—plumbing, carpentry, electrical work, roofing, painting, mechanics, coding, public speaking, and leadership. A degree may open a door, but mastery builds the house beyond it.

15. Read Endlessly

Feed your mind as you feed your body. Read philosophy, science, history, economics, and literature—but let the Qur’an be your constant companion. It polishes the intellect, awakens conscience, and humbles pride.

_

My dear sons,

When my voice is no longer among you, let these words be my echo. Be men of honour and mercy. Be gentle to your wives, just to your children, and humble before your Creator. Earn your living through what is halal, avoid the doubtful, and flee from the haram. Remember, hard work outlasts talent, and sincerity outshines praise. May your hands build what your hearts believe. May your names be spoken with kindness long after I am gone.

With love,

Daddy

Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

5 October, 2025

"Dah lagu Indon je ada. Lagu tangkap leleh mana orang dengar selalu. Anak tan sri mana la tahu. Dengar pun tak"

"Tak baik tau ngumpat kita"

"Mengata depan tak apa"

"Setiap lagu ada kenangan, kan?"

"Lagu apa kenangan untuk Ara?"

"Ntah. Dah lupa"

"Ye ke?"

"Yeeeee"

"Payah jugak orang realistik ni. Tak ada dia ingat"

"Benda tak penting buang ajelah. Kita sedih jab pastu move on"

"Amboi. Senangnya"

"Astu fikir tak boleh ubah pape, kan?"

"Bak nombor telefon kakak angkat. Nak tanya rahsia. Dia yang banyak tahu"

"Tak boleh ehhhh"

Ogos, 2025

"Terkawal la ni. Nasib tak tercabut kain tinggal spender je lagi hahahaha. Hasha menangis tak tahu nak apa. Dah dukung, senyap. Luqman bergayut dekat belakang. Nasib good boy. Daneal pulak datang - 'Daddy, daddy dolphin'. Tarik kain ajak tengok ikan. Tiba ada call masuk. Abang cakap jangan bising daddy nak cakap phone. Elok je senyap. Entah macam mana Raysha lari masuk, tarik kain cakap 'Daddy, don't work'. Dah la pegang Hasha, pegang kain takut terlondeh, nak cakap dengan client lagi. Adoi"

"Astu client dengar tak?"

"Dengar. Segan abang. Dia suruh call kemudian"

"Pakai seluar, bang. Energy dia orang tu acam makan power bar"

"Dah tukar. Tu la tenaga tak kong langsung"

"Thanks tau jaga anak kita"

"Rumah tak kemas. Masak pun tak. Semua orang buat. Tak sempat"

"Astu perlunya reramai dekat rumah kannn"

"Tak ada maid mati la abang"

"Abang okey? Penat tak?"

"Okey. Penat sikit. Luqman tak apa. Bagi dia main lampu dia diam. Daneal main robot. Yang girls ni ada je benda nak buat"

2/10

Daddy: Daddy buat mandian limau. Buang benda-benda negatif dalam badan. Nanti badan kita ringan. Kalau ada jin, jin pun lari

Hasha: Asha nak

Daddy: Hasha nak mandi?

Hasha: *angguk*

Daddy: Ais ni. Sejuk

Hasha: Ada jin

Daddy: Hasha ada jin?

Hasha: Ada

Daddy: Laa sejak bila pulak. Confident je. Ambil towel. Daddy buat lain. Ni ais

_

Daddy: Ni ramai-ramai nak pergi mana? Kan dah mandi tadi

Raysha: Ada jin

Daneal: Daddy, what is jinn?

Daddy: Aduh. Hasha ni kan. Habis semua ada jin

3/10

"Ada free time kejab abang baca la. Bukan salah pun. Mendalami. Menambah ilmu hehehe"

"Astu bila nak praktik?"

"Baca pun belum habis. Tebal tu. First time selongkar. Mana tahu ada permata yang berharga hahahaha"

"Suko demo"

"Daoist sex manual. Mana ada orang baca. Semua sibuk kamasutra je. Tengok abang, rare"

_

"Intercourse Technique and the Determination of Sex haa power tak tajuk abang? Power macam abang kan?"

"Amboi bangggg! Tinggal kejab laju aje buat kerja"

"Persediaan tunggu bini balik. Auuuummmm!"

"Takut kita"

"Takut ke suka? Suka cakap hahahahahahahaha"

Panggilan telefon

2/10

Dearest to my heart,

I set foot in Sri Jayawardenepura Kotte around 9 a.m., and the city was bustling with motorcycles, busy as always. Sri Lanka was officially declared bankrupt in 2022 after it defaulted on its foreign debt, leading to a severe economic collapse caused by massive debt, rising fuel and food prices, and the impact of COVID-19. The tourism industry suffered greatly, and a shortage of foreign exchange made it nearly impossible to import essentials, but by 2024, the country had begun to recover gradually. The government reached agreements with the IMF, China, India and other creditors to restructure debt, stabilise the currency, and rebuild reserves. The construction industry is showing promising signs, expected to grow 7.9% in 2025, with the PMI consistently above 50, indicating expansion.

The construction site is still in its early phase. I came for a site visit to see it myself. I do not place high hopes on fast sales, as I know the economy is still growing slowly. Poverty remains high even though the GDP appears promising. In the first quarter of 2025, real GDP growth was around 4.8% year-on-year, while poverty stood at about 25%. This project targets the low-income group. It is a low-cost housing development, but I have upgraded the design slightly to make it look fresher. I always share my mission with you that I want to build affordable homes at minimum cost. The bank will lend the money, and I am trying to structure the monthly payments so they will not be too tight, even though interest rates can be high. My late mother always advised me to use my knowledge to help people.

Seeing their cheerful faces when they receive their house keys, and some even bowing at my feet, fills me with happiness. That feeling alone is deeply satisfying and joyful. Although low-cost units bring smaller profits compared to medium or luxury segments, the emotion they bring makes me refuse to give up on life. At least I have a purpose. I want to be remembered as someone who turned distant dreams into reality. A home is everyone’s need and dream. If houses are sold only at high prices, many countries will end up like Switzerland, with more rented homes than owned ones. A home is not merely a structure; it is where families create memories, strengthen bonds, heal one another, pray, eat, and read together. It should be the safest place on earth, where every heart feels warmth and love.

Every idea you have shared and every book you have brought me, whether in engineering, architecture, mathematics, physics, landscape, or interior design, has shaped both my mind and my craft. Thank you for constantly investing in me — the brand-new computer, tablets, and phone; the technical pens like Rotring Isograph and Pilot; the mechanical pencils from Pentel and Staedtler with graphite leads 2H and HB, so nostalgic; and the LeRoy set, so iconic in its precision. Even the boots, helmet, bag, and watches, too many to name, each carry a memory. Every item you chose with such care has journeyed with me through long site visits, sleepless nights, and countless blueprints. I am grateful for everything you have done, and I thank Allah SWT for blessing me with you, the most beautiful gift in my life.

Sri Jayawardenepura Kotte, Sri Lanka

October 4, 2025 / 11:22 pm

"Ha? Mengandung?"

"Taklah"

"Habis tu mual muntah?"

"Keracunan makanan muntah gak tau"

"Eh? Oh silap la ni hahaha"

"Ase nak telan ajelah"

"Siapa?"

"Abang la"

"Hahahaha mana tahu"

September, 2025

"Abang tengah usha set pinggan mangkuk British. Hari tu dah lempar satu, sayang dah pecah"

"Menyesal iye?"

"Ada la sikit"

"Laki greenflag kenalah cool, bang"

"Tak apa. Panas baran pun bini sayang"

"Menjawab aje, kan"

"Not all men who are cool are calm. Panas baran dah tentu baran. Yang calm, cool what the hell tak tahu lagi. Kang silent treatment sampai sebulan tak bercakap. Baran senang. Pukul 1 mengamuk, pukul 2 ke 3 dah macam biasa"

"Astu sapu lantai astu kaki kena kaca, kan. Manjang acam tu"

"Hahahahahahaha"

_

"Ra, dah jumpa. Tolong bayar nanti"

"Berapa, bang?"

"Satu je tak mahal mana"

"Kenapa tak beli satu set?"

"Satu je pecah nak ganti"

"Beli dua, bang. Stand by siap. Awai tak kalut"

"Perli ke?"

"Terasa?"

"Ahhhh"

_

"Cantiknya. Beli la satu set"

"Kang abang baling semua, rugi"

"Astu jangan la baling"

"Ara pun mengamuk baling barang. Cawan la apa la. Nampak, jodoh tak salah hantar hahahahaha"

"Ey pakcik"

"Nak order simen berapa banyak? Batu nak berapa palet hahahahahahahaha"

"Benci tau"

Panggilan telefon

1/10

"Abang nak buat pengakuan"

"I'm all ears"

"Hari tu…masa abang penampar orang tu kan…hmm…sebelum tampar tu…abang pusingkan cincin…batu ke dalam"

"Abang"

"Tahu. Gegendang boleh pecah"

"Astu kenapa buat?"

"Marah. Nasib dia naik kereta. Kalau naik motor, abang himpit rapat sampai langgar divider biar putus kepala"

"Kenapa abang tak berubah?"

"Hmm"

"Abang tak kesiankan Ara?"

"………"

"Abang ada anak. Abang fikir tak? Dekat rumah abang lempar pinggan. Luar rumah macam ni. Abang kenapa? Apa masalah abang? Kerja? Stres? Ara tak faham. Ara tak tahan dengan perangai abang. Ara penat…penat sangat…"

"Ara…"

"Sorry…abang…"

"Tak apa. Memang salah abang"

"I just don't want you to hurt anyone… because I know you, abang. You have such a kind soul"

Panggilan telefon,

3/10

To my dear,

It’s 11 p.m. The kids are already asleep. I made a cup of tea, sat on the balcony, and looked out at the sea. Tonight feels calmer. I read a hadith, and it made me feel both sad and guilty. Abu Sa‘id al-Khudri narrated that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said “Verily, the best of men are those who are slow to anger and quick to be appeased, and the worst of men are those who are quick to anger and slow to be appeased” (Musnad Ahmad 11143, authenticated by Imam al-Suyuti).

More than ten years ago, I wrote in my notes that I am not a cool or calm man. As you know, I get angry easily. I have struggled with a bad temper since I was very young. I never liked fighting, but whenever I did, nothing good came out of it. I would hit as hard as I could. In boarding school, I was bullied, yet I never fought back. I always held myself back because my late mother made me promise not to get into fights. She wanted me to study hard, behave well, and work towards building a better life for myself. 

Not many people know that I have a black belt in martial arts. I trained in several, but the one I loved most was kickboxing—because it is raw, even violent. In silat, the head cannot be struck, in line with Islamic principles. But in kickboxing, there are no such rules. Knocking someone down gave me a strange sense of pride. You once saw bruises on my face. You asked me to stop, and I told you, “Boxing is my breath. I can stop seeing you, but I cannot stop boxing.” Boxing was how I let out the anger I carried.

This is my hansei, my self-reflection. I always feel guilty because I cannot control my temper as I should. You once said you would never marry a hot-tempered man, and yet you married me. I still remember the first time you saw me truly angry—how you froze and trembled. You were shocked. You never expected your husband to become so wild, maybe even dangerous. You came from a good family where everyone loved and treated you kindly. This was something you never imagined.

I am sorry for the times I lost control, for getting mad like an animal. And I am grateful, so deeply grateful that you chose to love this beast.

Always,

Abang

Malé, Maldives 

October 3rd, 2025

"Bang, nota ada tak?"

"Nota apa?"

"Apa-apa aje"

"Al-Ghazali belum siap. Dinasour, Ara tak minat, kan? Brain tengah buat. Dekat setengah tahun tak siap-siap"

"Kita suka brain hacked. Menarik"

"Macam abang, kan?"

"Apa aje yang menarik?"

"Menarik hati Ara hehe"

_

"Tu lah junior tanya husband Kak Ara kerja apa. Macam-macam nota ada"

"Nota pilih jantina anak pun ada. Nak?"

"Eeee tak nak la"

"Alaa"

Panggilan telefon,

1/10

Paternal age and offspring cognitive ability: 2023–2025 evidence summary

1. Effect magnitude

• N ≈ 14 000 U.S.–European families, polygenic-score-adjusted:

– −0.20 IQ points per additional year of paternal age (95 % CI −0.29 to −0.11).

– ≈ 2-point deficit for every 10-year increase after adjustment for parental genotype and socio-economic status.

• Genetic control attenuates the raw association by > 80 %, indicating that population stratification (higher-education males deferring reproduction) explains most of the uncorrected trend.

2. Functional form

• Inverted-U trajectory replicated across four national cohorts (United States, Sweden, Scotland, Poland).

• Optimum: paternal age 28–32 y; peak-to-trough amplitude ≈ 2–5 IQ points.

• Variance attributable to paternal age < 1 % after adjustment for parental education and household income (R² ≈ 0.003).

3. Candidate mechanisms

A. De-novo mutation load:

– 1.9–2.2 single-nucleotide mutations per paternal year (Kong et al. 2012; Jonsson et al. 2023).

– Enrichment in constrained neurodevelopmental genes (pLI > 0.9).

B. Epigenetic drift:

– Age-associated sperm DNA-methylation changes at > 1 500 CpGs (F0 → F1 transmission demonstrated in animal models; human evidence correlational).

C. Paternal psychopathology pathway:

– 2025 meta-analysis (k = 17, N ≈ 90 000): antenatal/paternal depression and anxiety predict 0.10 SD lower offspring cognitive score (β = −1.5 IQ points, 95 % CI −2.1 to −0.8).

4. Interpretation for reproductive decision-making

• Expected delta-IQ for offspring of a 38-year-old versus 28-year-old father: ≈ −2 points (range −1 to −3).

• Equivalent to one-third of the IQ difference associated with a four-year maternal education gap or a ±$10 000 annual household-income shift.

• Population attributable risk is negligible compared with modifiable post-natal factors (breast-feeding duration, home literacy, school quality).

To my darling, my Nurhara,

I’ve been meaning to write you a proper love letter, but the weight of office work keeps piling up. In the quiet spaces between deadlines and being a house-husband, I steal a minute to write to you. How are you, darling? How is everything there? Give me some time to fully read the report on the mass rape case. As a man, it’s still not easy for me to read. It’s excruciating and devastating. I recall on Stephen Colbert’s show, the host asked, “What is the scariest animal?” Ryan Gosling answered instantly, “Man.”

I don’t have the perfect words to soothe your inner storms, but I want you to know this — I admire every step you take to help the helpless. You are a force of kindness and courage, and I’m humbled to stand beside you. You speak from the soul, and it’s impossible to describe how lucky I feel to be your man. You’ve come so far already — finish what you started with that same bravery. No one on this planet can stop a courageous woman from making the world a better place.

I need to stop here, as I have back-to-back meetings. About the science notes — there are still a few things I need to touch up. I will send them to you later once I finish. I have three notes: one about crocodiles (if I’m not mistaken, or maybe dinosaurs again), and I know you don’t like the subject. There is also the al-Ghazali note about kalam, but I recently deleted it as I failed to prepare a mind map for it — yes, after nine months I still haven’t done it, even though it seems like a simple task (maybe not).

Thank you for always reading my rough notes as though they were treasures. To me, they are scraps, yet you treat them as priceless. It is a quiet comfort to know that every piece of me, however unfinished, is received and remembered by you — what I read, what I write, what I think. It is both humbling and beautiful. Take care of yourself. I will always love, support, and cheer for you in everything you do, because to me, everything about you matters. Stay strong. You make the world steadier.

Malé, Maldives

October 2nd, 2025

"Bila Ara mimpi?"

"Bulan lepas asenya"

"Hah tu dia. Baru nak cerita. Kenapa tak cerita tahun depan je?"

"Dalam mimpi tu kan dia kan pakai jam. Cantik"

"Siap nampak jam. Tangan mana? Kiri ke kanan?"

"Kanan"

"Dia kiri"

"Confident aje"

"Confident. Tulis kanan sebab tu pakai jam tangan kiri. Pakai kanan susah nak tulis"

"Astu siapa yang tikam kita?"

"Mana abang tahu. Tidur tak baca doa"

"Asal dapat back-up ex kan hihihihi"

"Sini dia"

"Tak nakkk"

Ogos, 2025

"Semalam abang buka YouTube lagu Arab. Tapi tu la seksi pulak. Haih hilang nafsu"

"Acam pelik. Seharusnya naik nafsu kan?"

"Tu la nak cakap abang dah zuhur hahahahaha"

"Bagi link. Kita nak tengok"

"Pautan"

"Amboi! Mendada sungguh noh"

"Hahahahahaha"

_

"Tepu dah kot tengok dari muda. Betul la Islam cakap tundukkan pandangan bini je yang cantik"

"Ye ke?"

"Ye la"

"Acam normal ke laki kita ni? Minta Kajang check jab"

"Eh?"

"Dia kan lebih mengetahui hihihi"

September, 2025

"Esok tak kerja. Kereta hantar bengkel nak ketuk"

"Abang accident ke? Bila? Siapa langgar?"

"Reverse tadi"

"Tak perasan?"

"Saja. Kurang ajar"

"Abang…kenapa buat macam tu?"

"Sepanjang jalan main lampu bukannya tak boleh potong. Dahlah lampu terang kalah stadium. Lepas penampar, masa nak balik, reverse sekali. Bammm!"

"Abang ni kan…"

"Dah settle dah"

"Settle macam mana? Abang langgar kereta orang, kan?"

"Patut tadi langgar dia baru betul. Duduk bawah tayar"

"So, kalau orang kurang ajar, abang boleh buat sesuka hati? Macam tu? Lesen besarlah ya?"

"Habis nak suruh abang buat apa? Sabar? Hari ni macam-macam jadi. Gaduh dengan pegawai perumahan. Kerja dekat site delay. Masa on the way jumpa jinbauk mana entah main lampu"

"Boleh tak abang jangan ikutkan sangat panas baran tu?"

"Ara dah makan? Marah-marah abang kenapa? Lapar?"

"Abang"

"Apa?"

"Jangan pukul orang boleh tak? Kenapa drive? Mana driver?"

"Kejab. Kain abang terselak"

"Abang"

"Pinjam riba. Nak tidur, letih. Esok je la marah"

“Abang"

"Apa?"

"Kita belum habis cakap"

"Krooohhhhhhh. Nampak abang dah tidur"

"Heishhhhhh!"

Panggilan telefon

29/9

_

"Abang…"

"Ha"

"Cerita la kita nak tahu. Kenapa marah?"

"Semalam macam-macam jadi. Dahlah bergaduh dekat kementerian. Dia yang tak pandai lepas tu tak nak luluskan. Kerja dekat site delay. India harap barang construction dari Pakistan. Dah gaduh hari tu barang banyak gantung. Order awal, petang baru sampai nak buat kerja apa. Secy tapau bihun punyalah pedas. Masa nak balik, driver bawa sikit brek. Mana tak angin. Abang suruh dia turun. Tinggal je la tepi jalan balik sendiri. Dah tu jumpa pulak kaki lampu tinggi kelip-kelip. Semua benda tak kena"

"Abang boleh marah tapi"

"Tak boleh lepaskan marah dekat orang. Tahu, abang ingat Ara cakap"

"Kenapa marah? Bawa bertenang. Relaks, tarik nafas dalam-dalam. Abang marah-marah dapat apa? Sakit jantung ada la"

"Dada tak sakit dah. Jantung okey"

"Abang…abang tahu kan tak boleh"

"Tahu, tak boleh pukul muka, tak boleh penampar. Nabi tak suka. Lain kali abang tumbuk perut"

"Tengok tu..Jangan agresif sangat boleh tak?"

"Ara nak marah…marah je la. Abang dengar"

"Tiger"

"Hmm…"

"Abang dah makan?"

"Belum.Tak jadi marah?"

"Jangan pukul orang, please"

"Lusa abang balik. Kesian Umar dengan Adam bangun awal kejar flight pergi sekolah"

"No more outstation. Full time housewife aje pasni"

"Siapa? Ara? Kenapa? Sebab abang? Tak payah. Abang okey"

"Okey sangat"

"Apa marah abang? Marah la orang yang buat hal dengan abang"

"Ara nak suami Ara. Mana dia? Penyabar, tenang, lembut, soft-spoken. Tak marah-marah macam ni. Where's my man?"

"Mana tahu Ara letak mana"

"Eeeeee! Abang nak kena simen ke?"

Panggilan telefon

30/9

Perempuan dari neraka

"Siapa call dari tadi lagi?"

"Kak Zara"

"Block je la. Lepas tu left group"

"Kita dah explain tapi acam still tak puas hati"

"Ara kawin dengan abang bukan bermaksud siapa-siapa boleh maki-hamun Ara suka-suka hati. Yang Ara biar diri kena maki kenapa? Setakat jadi tempat makan maki tak payah ada ipar bagai pun tak rugi. Macam besar sangat sejuta laki dia tu. Boleh buat apa dengan sejuta?"

_

"Dah block?"

"Dah"

"Dah left group?"

"Dah"

"Kalau dia nak datang ambil laki dia, biar dia ambil. Kita tak payah halang. Nak hantar memang tak dapat la bukan dekat"

_

"Kalau dia orang add tak payah dah masuk mana group. Bangsat-bangsat ni mana reti hidup berkeluarga"

"………"

"Datang satu perempuan habis kacau-bilau. Menyesal betul abang suruh Ocio kawin dengan dia"

"Abang tak salah. Abang kan tak tahu perangai dia"

"Tak bercakap sangat pun"

_

"Abang…dahlah. Jangan marah-marah"

"Melampau. Tak habis-habis masalah dia. Tak sudah-sudah dengan duit"

Tulip

"Awal balik?"

"Kerja dah habis. Call dah banyak masuk. Customer walk in pun ada. Yang mesej boleh tahan ramai. Lega sikit rasa"

_

"Semalam tak tidur. Abang masuk gym…hmm…macam mana nak keluarkan benda dalam otak kita…"

"Dekat gym pendek aje seluar. Cekci"

"Ara ngendap eh?"

"Takkkk"

_

"Abang tak tahu nak buat apa. Nak mengadap kerja tak larat. Nak baca buku tak ada mood. Stres"

"Sekarang? Okey?"

"Entahlah"

_

"Abang letih, nak tidur tak boleh. Hmmm…"

"Kita siapkan mandian, lepas berendam abang try tidur. Nak cuba?"

"Okey…"

_

"Tulip mmm?"

"Ha lupa pulak"

"Thank you!"

_

"Good night, abang"

"Harap dapat tidur"

_

Tak tidur juga.

Selamat malam, dunia

Keluar gelap, balik pun gelap. Hari ini sampai rumah 11:28 malam. Keluar tadi sebelum Subuh. Esok penerbangan jam 9 pagi. Anak-anak sudah tidur. Isteri masih setia menunggu walau sudah tersengguk-sengguk menahan kantuk. Begitulah adat berkerja dan berumah tangga. Hari ini hari yang bahagia — dapat buat enam jualan. Rezeki isteri dan anak-anak. Masa semakin laju, segalanya bergerak pantas — termasuklah usia kita.

Selamat malam, dunia. Alhamdulillah untuk semuanya. 

Choosing to love someone from afar, hoping them to be loved better than the way you can love them hits different. We just have to admit that some things are not for us, that bright stars are just meant to be loved from afar.

— Maria Gracia

Akhlak

"Yelah, manjang cakap pasal tujuan hidup and agama. Acam, kita fahamlah awak Islamik tapi kan acam"

"Islamik tak penting. Kalau nak pilih pasangan, pilihlah yang berakhlak tentu dia beragama. Kalau pilih beragama, belum tentu berakhlak. Tengok ramai ustaz pandai serba-serbi. Mengaji tahu, solat tak tinggal, hukum fasih tapi akhlak terburai"

"Setuju"

September

Awak... baliklah pada saya semula...

(17 September 2014)

_

It’s 1:53 AM on September 27, 2024. I just returned from work, took a long cold shower, and I'm doing some laundry. While hanging the clothes, I remembered when you said, "I'm sorry for everything, abang." I paused; I had no words. I’m not sure why that moment suddenly came to mind. After three days of long hours at work without returning to my room, I’m exhausted but can't sleep. You’re on my mind. I really miss your voice. Would it be okay if I called you just to hear you  breathe, without saying anything? I’m fine with that. I don’t know how to stop longing for you or wanting you. I don’t know how to stop missing you or thinking about you. It feels like I’m searching for you everywhere I go, and this feeling is really overwhelming. How are you, sayang? Are you doing okay? How’s your pregnancy?

Talking to you has been the best part of my whole year.

(September 27, 2024)

_

You don’t need to apologize. You never wronged me, and you never owed me anything. You chose a better path, a life with good possibilities and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s only me who can’t fully let go, because you will always remain someone special in my heart. Last year, even if just for a moment, I was grateful when you said hi after so many years. Saying goodbye is painful, but perhaps it’s what we must accept. Some people, after parting, count the days until they meet again. But not us. There’s nothing to count. Life keeps us apart. It’s risky, and we are weary of secrecy. My chest feels heavy. Sleep will not come. So I turn to the song you once gave me—You Are The Reason by Alexandra Porat. Thank you… for the song, and for the memory of you.

(September 21, 2025)

Maybe

This year, I hardly watch YouTube. Today, while waiting for my flight, I opened it to listen to a song. I searched for an Arabic song and found many belly dance videos. I watched one for a while, then skipped ahead and finally closed it. The women, yes, Arab women, looked very attractive (though not for me), and their movements were quite revealing. I felt uneasy, so I decided to change the song. I couldn’t find anything that matched my mood, so I closed the tab and read poetry instead.

I remind myself to lower my gaze and keep practising this for many years. I think I have lost interest in other women.

Maybe I’m just tired or worn out. I’m not sure.

Mumbai, India

20.09.2025

Ara

"Ara…abang dah balik"

"Abang…sekarang pukul berapa?"

"10:15. Abang ada urusan tu lambat sikit"

"Dah makan?"

"Belum"

_

"Sedapnya"

"Kerja okey?"

"Okey. Ara okey?"

"Okey"

"Kembar buat hal?"

"Luqman tidur dalam mesin basuh"

"Laaa"

_

"Flight lepas Subuh. Sempatlah nak rehat kejab"

"Penatnya. Kenapa tak stay sana?"

"Ara cakap masak sedap. Kalau abang tak balik, penat Ara masak"

"Alaa takpe je"

"Memang niat abang nak berulang. Minggu depan Ara dah masuk kerja kan"

_

"Abang…"

"Hmm"

"Terima kasih tau kerja keras untuk keluarga kita"

"Terima kasih selalu mudahkan urusan abang. Kalau tak sebab Ara, tak mudah semuanya"

"Tidurlah, bang"

"Rapat sikit"

"…………"

"Abang handsome, kan?"

"Sempat"

_

"Abang? Mimpi?"

"Ha…sakit dada"

*gosok dada*

"Sakit…"

"Tarik nafas perlahan-lahan, sayang…"

"Ra…"

"Abang mimpi apa?"

"Sakit Ra…"

Goreng

"Hi babe"

"Tigerrrrr. How’s it going? Everything okay?"

"Yeayyyyyy! Buyer setuju beli!"

"Hats off, darling!"

"Aaaaaaaaa debar. Cemas semua cukup macam tunggu anak lahir"

"I'm happy for you. Come home, I'll cook your favourite meal"

"Ra, terima kasih"

"Sama-sama. Hati-hati tau"

_

"Hai maharani"

"Happy dia"

"Mansion dah ada orang nak beli. Isnin dia hantar loan"

"Tahniah, abang!"

"Dia minat betul. Sejam la jugak abang goreng"

"Hangus tak?"

"Separa hahahaha"

Panggilan telefon

20/9

Hilang graviti

"Memang tak ada kerja eh? Pagi-pagi dah kacau punggung abang"

"Geram hihihi"

_

"Sandwich?"

"Tak nak. Roti putih tak elok makan"

"Sejak bila?"

"Dulu lagi"

"Nak ke tak nak?"

"Buat je la kalau nak buat"

_

"Kata buat sandwich?"

"Tak nak astu tanya"

"Tapi ni lagi sedap. Huuu sedapnya bau"

_

"Bukan ada orang. Duduk je la"

"Abang okey?"

"Bini atas riba tak okey apa"

_

"Kenapa sedap sangat?"

"Sedap, kan? Resepi baru"

"Bukan tu. Bekas bibir Ara"

*muka merah*

_

"Jadi ke bentuk bunga?"

"Sweet sangat bahaya tau"

"Kenapa?"

"Kita hilang graviti hihihi"

_

"Ra"

"Abang? Nak kopi?"

"Tak. Nak menari"

_

"Abang okey?"

"Okey"

"Bahasa German apa eh I miss you?"

"I miss you, too…"

_

"Bang, phone"

"Work can wait"

"Work first, honey"

"Don’t worry. I just want this moment…to last a little longer…"

_

"Tak ada bunga. Tak jumpa kedai. Lain kali abang cari"

"Takpe, bang. Bunga lukis dah cantik"

"Pen Ara bagi tu best. Kenapa zaman U dulu Ara tak ada? Kalau tak, senang sikit abang nak lukis teknikal"

_

"Petang kita pergi mancing nak?"

"Abang tak kerja?"

"Mana-mana boleh bukak laptop"

_

"Pancing hati Ara lagi senang dari pancing ikan"

"Bila orang tak menyabar pergi pancing. Belum.20 minit, bang. Sabarlah"

"Ikan dah cerdik kot"

"Hihihi bebel aje dia tak dapat ikan"

_

"Bang"

"Hmm…"

"Kita nak masak, kan?"

"Bukan ganggu pun"

_

"Ara masuk. Abang kemas dapur"

"Mmm…tak nak…"

"Peluk kuat sikit"

"…………"

"Haaaaaaa"

"Cuci aje eh. Tak kacau pun, kan"

"Tangan tu haa"

"Apa mmm?"

"Hehehehe"

_

"Kita nak mandi"

"Skodeng hahaha"

"Haip!"

_

"Kita tunggu atas, abang tak naik"

"Dah suam, boleh minum"

"Thanks, love. Abang buat apa?"

"Reply email"

"Sale dah masuk?"

"Ada orang nak tengok kilang. Esok abang kerja"

"That’s wonderful, sayang. Confirmed, it’s yours"

"Amiin"

_

"Duduk la sini"

"Tiger"

"Hmm?"

"You’re intelligent, handsome, and irresistibly dashing. Keep growing. Never lose heart"

*peluk*

_

"Jom. Abang dah ngantuk"

"Abang…"

"Semua dah tidur?"

"Ha'a"

"Nak dukung?"

"Mesti laaa"

_

"Hilangkan letih abang, boleh?"

"Anything that makes you happy"

_

"Hehehehe"

"Hihihihihi"

_

"Abang…"

"Tidur, Ra. Belum Subuh"

"Abang nak pergi mana?"

"Mandi. Hari ni abang kerja"

_

"Bang, acam malas nak jalan tapi nak ikut abang. Dukung"

"Meh. Berat macam guni beras"

"Ey!"

"Hehehehe"

_

"Ambil wuduk. Kita solat"

"Acam mmmmmm"

"Ara, wuduk cepat"

_

"Semoga Allah membalas sebaik-baik kurnia buatmu duhai isteri"

*peluk*

_

"Tak payah buat bekal pun tak apa. Lepas Subuh abang boleh makan dekat airport"

"Simple breakfast aje"

"Abang pergi dulu"

"Kerja"

"Ha, abang pergi kerja dulu"

*peluk*

I'm sorry…

"I just want you to see me and the life we’re growing together. I’m here, choosing you every day. Please start choosing me too. Not only with your presence, but with your whole heart. Come home to me"

"Ara?"

"Sorry, abang…just…penat…pendam"

"Faham…"

"I just want to be your home, abang"

_

"Jangan bebel. Abang tak larat. Dada sakit, kepala pening"

"Every night you stayed up, and I know you cried"

"Abang faham apa Ara cakap petang tadi"

"Nak call doktor?"

"Abang letih…letih sangat. Kepala pusing. Abang nak tidur tapi mata degil. Ara jangan marah abang malam ni. Dada abang berat…"

"Kita pergi hospital, nak?"

"Tak nak…"

Cinta Sesungguhnya

 

Trust Him

Working from home today. Sales are still stuck, but we’ve decided to focus on the next project. The remaining units will continue to sell alongside the new one. Nothing to worry about, nothing to stress over. The company has already made a profit from this project — not much, but Alhamdulillah. Every matter is within Allah’s knowledge; He is Al-‘Alīm. Every khayr is a protection from Allah. Our rizq is in His hands, I must place my trust in Him.

I played games with my kids today and had so much fun. For a while, I forgot about problems — and truly, problems are not meant to drag us down, but to raise us higher. Patience is the key. India has such a large market. The young strive hard for a better life, but here, work-life balance hardly exists. Staff are easily replaced. You must always give your very best, as every company seeks candidates who are not only skilled, but also competitive and resilient. 

It’s normal here to send office reports even on holidays, and the office will still call you on your day off. In my company, I made a rule that no one should disturb employees after working hours. Singaporeans and Japanese also practice this, though in both countries, employees hustle very hard. Japan may lack work-life balance, but they uphold excellent work ethics. Enough about work. It’s time to put everything aside and spend time with the kids.

Time cannot be undone

You said a decade ago that I didn’t know you. Maybe I never knew you well. And yes, he surely knows you — from the day he captured your heart. I wish life had treated me better. I just want a good life without sleepless nights. I want a normal routine like everyone else. From the day you left me, my sleep lost its path. He treats you well. You love him unconditionally, he loves you wholeheartedly. But why am I the one who can’t close my eyes to rest while both of you sleep soundly? Is the price of my useless love the loss of my sleep? I want to sleep like you. You never had trouble sleeping, not even a decade ago. It isn’t fair, is it? If I had known that love at a young age would hurt this much, I would have kept everything inside. If I had known love would be this painful, I would never have tried to win your heart. But time cannot be undone.

Singa

"Singa, turun. Abang ada bawah"

"Ye ye aje"

"Turun la"

"Betul ke?"

_

"Abangggg. Tak cakap pun"

"Tak ada kerja sangat, baik balik tengok bini lawa"

"Jab tau kita pakai tudung"

_

"Tambah, bang"

"Boleh. Ara tak nak makan?"

"Makan abang hihihi"

_

"Bini urut terus letih"

"Mengada tau"

_

"Hiyaaaaa! Mandi jom!"

"Kejab, bang"

"Jom!"

"Sabar, bang. Tuala"

"Berat maintain. Pandai jaga badan"

"Mesti laaa"

_

"Thanks, abang"

"Aummmmm"

Complicated

"Astu dah sayang sangat"

"Tak nak la abang. Kang dia patah balik dengan laki dia macam mana?"

"Padan muka abang. Nak sangat kan"

_

"Astu kata sayang astu tak percaya ke acam mana?"

"Hahahahaha"

"Gelak-gelak. Stres tau kita"

"Dah Ara stres kenapa?"

"Abang tu. Ingat Kajang aje"

"Bila abang ingat dia? Ara yang cakap"

"Nak kena rebus ke?"

"Amboi! Dah pandai rebus orang sekarang"

"Geram eh"

_

"Tak percaya abang sayang Ara?"

"Kita tak kisah abang skandal. No Kajang"

"Ye ke tak kisah?"

"Kisah"

"Habis tu?"

"Kenapa orang laki tak reti move on? Tak rasa bodoh ke?"

"Rasa jugak"

"Astu?"

"Entah"

_

"Report dah siap belum?"

"Belummmmm"

"Kan nak pergi kerja dah"

"Malas. Laki takde auto malas. Malasssss sesangat"

"Bila nak buat?"

"Abang buat kan, boleh tak?"

"Bak sini"

_

"Krik krik je tak ada client. Site lain okey. Belum siap dah licin"

"Wahhhhh! Tahniah, husband"

"Sini slow sikit. Kena highlight lebih kot"

"Kita ase laju. Abang tak menyabar"

"Cukup sabar dah ni tak mengamuk. Kalau tak, PC pun terbang"

"Abang tu dah tua. Jangan marah-marah"

"Nasib bini lawa. Tengok pun sejuk hati"

"Kononnnnnn. Dekat rumah apa aje tak lempar"

"Ey budak. Nak kena baling?"

"Nampak?"

"Hahahahaha"

"When you're upset, even a small sound makes the plate fly. The kids are scared. I feel the same too"

"Ra…sorry…abang cuba baiki…tak janji tapi abang cuba"

"This year abang tak mara-mara. Tapi tu la, kita terfikir nape eh abang tak mengamuk acam selalu"

"Ngamuk takut. Tak ngamuk, tanya"

"Kita kan complicated acam abang"

Panggilan telefon

17/9

Kualiti kerja

Semalam, bila aku sampai office, staf terkejut. Mereka tahu puncanya. Aku bayar gaji yang tinggi dan aku harapkan prestasi yang terbaik. Malangnya, mereka tak perform. Di kebanyakan masa, kalau di cawangan lain, aku pecat sahaja staf yang gagal berikan kualiti kerja yang memuaskan. Motto aku mudah, kau tak perform — tak ada tempat di sini. Aku tawarkan insentif dan komisyen yang tinggi, tapi aku kejar masa. Time is everything. Fokus yang terlalu lama pada satu-satu projek akan memberikan impak kepada projek yang lain. Syarikat ini kecil — setiap bulan hanya kendalikan 3 projek sahaja. Staf pula cuma 20 orang. Ya, kecil saja.

Bila aku sampai, aku nampak mereka sudah burnout dan keletihan. Tak sampai hati pula nak marah walhal hati panas. Bagi aku, kerja menjual ini mudah tapi bagi sesetengah orang sangat susah. Aku semak data —patutlah lambat. Ada dalam kalangan staf tiada langsung  closing sell — bukan seorang dua. Petangnya, selepas waktu pejabat, aku bawa mereka keluar makan. Sambil makan, aku tanya tentang prospek yang batalkan di saat akhir —tentang masalah yang mereka hadapi. Aku tanyakan juga tentang  prospek yang berminat, tapi belum buat keputusan. Dalam pemasaran, produk bukanlah satu-satunya kayu ukur untuk lariskan jualan. 

Usai makan, mereka pulang ke rumah masing-masing. Staf aku di sini masih muda. Majoritinya penghujung 20-an dan awal30-an. Aku tak mahu apabila mereka balik ke rumah, masalah di tempat kerja mempengaruhi kehidupan peribadi mereka. Aku tak mahu apabila mereka di marahi di tempat kerja — pasangan menjadi mangsa. Aku rasa, sebagai majikan, aku ada kuasa untuk mengubah keadaan dan tidak mengeruhkannya lagi. Masalah di tempat kerja selalunya memberi kesan yang mendalam kepada kehidupan peribadi seseorang. Sekurang-kurangnya, mereka balik ke rumah dalam keadaan tenang dan tidak rungsing. 

Masalah di tempat kerja pernah mempengaruhi hubungan peribadi aku. Mungkin, hanya mungkin (dan tentunya terdapat faktor lain) tekanan di tempat kerja ibarat mental torture yang tak berkesudahan — aku yang menjadi mangsa. Aku menunggu seharian suntuk  — dalam beberapa hari termanggu-manggu cuba memahami apa yang sedang berlaku walaupun jauh di sudut hati — aku tahu — ada lelaki lain. Aku diamkan saja — tunggu empunya diri yang buka cerita. Telahan aku betul. “When a man ignores you, he is focused on his mission. When a woman ignores you, she is already entertaining someone else.”

September 16, 2025

Bangalore, Kartanaka, India

11 p.m

It’s 11 p.m. and I’ve just come back from the office. I’m feeling very tired and sleepy. Since morning, I only had a bowl of oats and three cups of coffee. My secretary bought me biryani, green tea, aloo gobi, and naan, but I didn’t have much appetite. I only ate the aloo gobi with some naan and drank the green tea. Now I just hope I can get some good sleep tonight.

September 16, 2025

Bangalore, Kartanaka, India

Jangan curang

"Yes, babe. Anything?"

"Garangnyaaaa. Spot check jab. Dekat mana tu?"

"Office"

"Sexytery ada ke tu?"

"Tak ada"

"Dia pergi mana tu?"

"Kenapa, Ra?"

"Jangan mencurang dengan sec tau"

"Iye"

_

"Ye, Ra. Ada apa?"

"Dah makan?"

"Belum"

"Sembahyang?"

"Dah"

"Masjid?"

"Ye"

"Dengan siapa?"

"Sendiri"

"Bye, B"

"Okey"

_

"Balik awal tau"

"Yes ma'am"

_

"Ha"

"Dah balik?"

"Dah"

"Makan apa?"

"Green tea + aloo gobi + naan"

"Perut okey?"

"Sakit"

"Lambat makan?"

"Iye"

"Jantung okey?"

"Tak sangat"

"Nadi?"

"Awak peguam ke doktor?"

"I'm your wife"

"Laju"

_

"Bang, dah mandi?"

"Dah"

"Mengaji?"

"Tak. Baca tafsir. Surah At-Taubah"

"Sleep, please?"

"Okey"

_

"You good?"

"Sakit dada"

"Sesak nafas?"

"Tak"

"Relaks, okey?"

"Okey"

Panggilan telefon

16/

Penat

"Tengok graf"

"Tak penat?"

"Penat"

"Astu tak nak tidur?"

"Sale ni hmm"

"Abang jugak ajar serah pada Allah. Acam this time abang lain aje"

"Apa lain?"

"Abang…not everything is in our hands. If it’s your rizq, it’ll be yours"

"Tahu"

"Abang ingat tak apa Saidina Umar cakap?"

"Ingat"

"Relaks, abang. Badan abang sakit. Do learn to rest, okay?"

"Ara tidur dulu"

"Tengok tu. Abang push macam mana pun, rezeki di tangan Allah"

"Abang tak boleh tidur…otak fikir"

"Berapa nadi tu?"

"Laju"

"Astu pergi lari. Kalau pengsan macam mana?"

"Okey. Abang cuba tidur"

"Jantung okey?

"Sakit"

Panggilan telefon,

September, 2025