Intimacy

"Do not give me flowers to exchange for your intimacy. This is not you, abang." These words struck me deeply. We haven’t had intimacy for quite some time, and I thought perhaps a bouquet of flowers could make up for it. I feel guilty. I feel like I haven’t fulfilled my responsibilities as a husband. Thank you for being patient with me.

I recently read an article by Abigail Brenner that made me reflect. There are several key points I want to share with you, which I’ve written down:

A) We learn from the feelings and behaviors of our partner. Gaining new perspectives through their life experience enhances the quality of our own.

B) A healthy relationship nurtures and embraces each of our unique qualities.

C) You feel free and comfortable to express what’s on your mind.

D) You truly “listen” to what your partner is saying—not just the words, but the emotions and feelings they express through their actions and behaviors.

E) Ideally, you and your partner are aligned on key life issues—family values, raising children, religious and spiritual beliefs, even politics.

F) There’s an unshakable confidence that no matter what happens, your partner will remain loyal to you and to the relationship. They will honor their commitments, refrain from lies, and remain open to resolving any difficulties that arise.

G) Learning how to give and take is essential in problem-solving. But above all, each partner must equally contribute to making major decisions and choices.

I) A healthy relationship teaches us that by standing together and moving forward as one, we will successfully reach what awaits us on the other side. Unity provides strength and balance.

Although what Abigail Brenner writes may not directly relate to what I’m trying to convey, I want you to know that I truly believe we share a healthy relationship, and for that, I am grateful. I used to strive for makoto in every aspect of my life, but I am not impeccable. I made a mistake, and I regret it. I'm struggling to express myself and I’m sorry.