Take care little one

Hey little one,

This is just a quick message. Please tell your mom to buy chewing gum and chew it when driving at night. It can prevent her from microsleep, and chewing gum can also help restructure her face shape. It will keep people looking younger. She wouldn't believe it when I say this, I know.

She doubts everything, including my love for her. No, I don't miss her like she misses me, I don't love her like I always say, and I don't want her. This is what she wants to hear. No, I don't get mad at her for questioning all that. I got used to it a long time ago. It's water under the bridge. 

It's a sign that she made the right choice a decade ago. Maybe now is my chance to have her in my life as my marriage is nearly collapsing, but I can't build a relationship on other people's tears. Nevertheless, you take care of yourself. Maybe I won't write to you like I used to.

Tell her to eat a half-boiled egg in the morning and a teaspoon of honey. I recommend kelulut honey rather than tualang asli. Tualang asli, if bought from a seller in a village or from indigenous people, might not be hygienic. It will disgust her. Each time I remember, I myself feel yuck!

So yeah, remind her to buy a packet of chewing gum.

Till then, you take care, little one.

Yours truly,

Uncle Imran

On board for Hong Kong

Clear sign

You wonder, sometimes? No, most of the time. All the time. God has sent you a sign. Don't ignore it. It is a clear sign to show you that you made the right choice. I do not miss you like you miss me, I do not love you like I always say, and I do not want you. It is a clear sign, isn't it?

It's time to let me go…

Let me go

Let me go

Let me go

I don't miss you.

I don't love you.

I don't want you.

I just waste your time

I just waste your emotions

I just waste everything.

Yeah…

Sorry for wasting your time, energy, and emotions, and thank you for making time for me.

11/08/2024

_

You have every right to judge and doubt me. You are not wrong to doubt me. Please evaluate my actions in this critical situation. Actions speak louder than words. You can now walk away from my life, forget me, and hate me with all your heart. You can now free yourself from me. This man wouldn't even cross a street for you, would he?

Hate me.

Leave me.

Forget me.

and live your life to the fullest...

12/08/2024

For now

Photo credit: Unknown

 

Only once in your life

Hey little one,

I miss your mommy. I think about her all day long. It feels like she's calling me to hurry back to Malaysia because she misses me so much. She "knocks" my head like she always does, looking for me. She misses me. I always annoy her, and she likes it (I know, or maybe I'm just imagining it? haha). Having her around makes my day feel colorful. We still have issues (I don't know why. We can't avoid it) but that's okay. Perhaps true love means we always fight.

Is your mommy eating well today? What did she eat? When you grow up, please hate chili and become my gang. I don't eat spicy food but your mom likes it (she is fierce like a red chili. When we fight, it's so intense. Phew! She fights with me like she’s in a debate competition hehe). I don't really like black pepper sauce. I prefer BBQ sauce. Plum and tomato sauces are okay, but they are not my favorite. Thai sauces taste good to me. .

Most people think white people don't eat spicy food. They are wrong. Study shows 1/3 of Europeans like to eat spicy food. Chili growing in Italy is spicier than our cili padi. Why am I talking about food today? I don't know. Maybe because your mommy likes food but in almost a year of contacting each other, I’ve found that she doesn't really cook what she likes to eat. She is always on a diet (yeah, since we were together).

I don't really have anything to write actually. I just miss your mommy and want to talk with her. I miss her but things are already damaged and I have to step back. Sometimes I feel she is always sad. I don't know why I think that way. Maybe she's exhausted from taking care of the house chores but your sister Hana is a good daughter. She helps your mommy even though she's young. I can see she is a bright girl just like your mommy.

They say you are in your mommy's uterus. I say you are in your mommy's stomach. Doctor's children. It reminds me of my childhood. My late Ummi always used medical terms when explaining the human body or anatomy. I like studying anatomy but I don't like biology. There are a lot of anatomy sketches in my study room. The human body is amazing, especially our brain. I read a lot about the brain since I was diagnosed with brain cancer.

Your mommy is my love at first sight. When I saw her (at that time she was only 13 years old) I felt something that I can't explain. She was the most amazing creature I had ever seen (back then I didn't meet a lot of girls. I studied at an all-boys boarding school). She looked so perfect that I couldn't take my eyes off her. I never had a girlfriend (I was so busy studying. No, kidding. I was busy selling cigarettes and noodles haha).

Tell your mommy that I miss her, always.

"Only once in your life, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” ― Bob Marley

Rochester, New York, USA

August 9, 2024