Sahur

Oat + telur suku masak 5 biji + kurma Ajma 1 biji + habbatussauda + madu + air masak

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"Bang"

"Hmm?"

"Kaki abang"

"Kenapa?"

"Nothing"

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You & me. Legs touching under table

Nasi putih padi huma, gulai tempoyak ikan kembung, brokoli kukus, telur mata, sambal belacan, pucuk betik, buah naga.

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"Tambah, bang"

"3 pinggan dah, Ra. Kenyang"

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"Kerja okey?"

"Okey. Semua okey"

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"Penat?"

"Haah…"

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"Terima kasih, Ara…masak. Sedap. Semua sedap"

"Seronok tengok abang makan"

"Sini tangan. Lama tak tengok jari. Lama tak cium jari rajin masak sedap ni"

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"Ara urut…Abang dah ngantuk"

"It’s a good time to rest your body and mind"

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"Ara"

"Tidur, bang"

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Sampai KLIA 6 petang. Sampai rumah 7.30 petang. Buka puasa 1 Zulhijjah bersama Ara dan anak-anak. 

Late-night letter

Lisbon — 16 May

I miss you. Thinking about you. Reading an email. Rereading old conversation—

“Satu masa nanti, awak pun kena lepaskan abang. Macam mana abang lepaskan awak dulu, macam tu la awak kena buat. Tuhan ajar kita untuk bercinta. Tuhan juga ajar kita untuk melepaskan”

“Melepaskan yang macamana...Kalau tak berjodoh...kenapa hati ni degil....”

(16 May 2024)

I shouldn’t rewind and replay those memories. I should store them somewhere far beyond my reach. But the feelings still come. Sometimes they arrive slowly, sometimes all at once. Not talking to you has been the hardest part of everything I’ve had to carry.

You know… honestly, sometimes you didn’t really treat me well, but I never truly cared. I just loved loving you. And if it was never returned in the same way, that was fine too. You became a part of me, like salt in the sea. It is inseparable. 

Good night, love. I’m still working.

Sleep tight in his arms.

Lisbon — 14 May 2026

Felt good today.

Attended three meetings. Wore a new colour combination — a salmon shirt, beige trousers, and tan loafers. Broke my fast with coconut water and Sardinhas Assadas. Ate only a little — too spicy. Later tonight, I read a heartbreaking report from India: a woman was allegedly assaulted on a moving bus by the driver and conductor. Despite serious injuries, she reportedly refused hospital treatment because nobody was home to cook for her children.