"Lama sangat"

"You don't have a second wife there, right?"

"Ye la"

"Alang-alang lambat biar lambat semuanya. We're not in a rush. Miss a flight, we’ll rebook it. Hotel check-in, we’ll sort it out. As long as we have enough cash, we'll be fine"

"Senangnya fikir"

"Why make life more complicated? If we're late, we're late. Tired? Stop and get some sleep. Hungry enough to eat a horse? Go eat. Need to pee? Find a bathroom. Life's actually quite straightforward"

"Nak marah ke nak geram tak tahulah"

"You've done all you can. The kids are grown up. If they don't like it, that's okay. We have to look after our own happiness too. Sometimes you need to put yourself first, and that doesn't make you a bad person"

"Oh, parents pun dah boleh selfish sekarang"

"Yeah, why not?"

Kanas

17-06-2026

It is 3:15 a.m. in Kanas, and I still cannot sleep. I have listened to brown noise and done some pre-bed exercises, but my eyes refuse to close. My mind wanders to you, searching for your voice. I remember your time in Beijing years ago. You bought me a small red doll that could say, “I love you.” I signed in to my Hotmail but did not read anything—just stared at your name. 

I miss you, love.

_

“Let’s meet in our dreams tonight, where nothing feels distant and I can hold you close again. Maybe, for a little while, the world will stay quiet, and it will just be you and me, as if nothing else matters. I want to see you smile without missing it afterward, and hear your voice without counting the time left. So if you close your eyes tonight thinking of me too, maybe our hearts will find each other somewhere in between.” — Anonymous

Kanas, China

18 June 2026

Hi sayang,

I am in Kanas. My road trip has gone wrong, really wrong. I made a simple mistake by not double-checking the distance and by relying on the app. Every kilometre turned out to be almost double. I tried to avoid changing hotels every day, but I ended up moving from one hotel to another repeatedly. My wife has a fever, possibly due to the temperature. 

I wanted to watch the sunrise, but none of the teenage kids wanted to come with me. The young adult seems bored and is not interested in this road trip. So far, they are not enjoying it at all. I was excited to start this road trip, but things have not gone well. I think I should have sent them to summer camp instead of bringing them with me.

Today, I discovered another detour—again, the distance is double. The worst part is that I just found out only vehicles with seven seats or fewer can pass through the Duku Highway. I planned to use this route to return to Urumqi, but now I need to review and reroute everything. It has become very tiring. How was your coffee? Did everything go well?

I hope you are enjoying your day, dearest.

_

“You came, by chance, into my life of which I was not proud, and from that day something began to change. I have breathed better, I have hated things less. I have admired more freely what deserved admiration.” — Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, 1949

Hi sayang,

I’m in Burqin, Xinjiang. Have you been here? I’m sure not. At least not yet. You’ve always been obsessed with Europe, and of course the Trans-Siberian journey—your bucket list. I don’t really have a bucket list. The list I have is you—marrying you, having kids with you, and living a happy life. Travelling together and pursuing our dreams. I want to be where you are, because life feels more alive when you’re near.

How are you, dearest? How are Hana and Marissa? How is the baby boy? Take care of yourself, your health and your mental well-being. I’m waiting for the kids to take their turn to bathe, and I feel as if you are here with me. We exchange looks, smile at each other, and get ready to start the day. How wonderful that would be. Then reality interrupts, reminding me that we are separated.

_

“I saw a life with you. Imagined a life with you in it. Simple moments, real ones, and now, none of it exists, just thoughts of something that never got the chance to be real.” — Anonymous

Burqin, Xinjiang, China

June 16, 2026