Late-night letter

Lisbon — 16 May

I miss you. Thinking about you. Reading an email. Rereading old conversation—

“Satu masa nanti, awak pun kena lepaskan abang. Macam mana abang lepaskan awak dulu, macam tu la awak kena buat. Tuhan ajar kita untuk bercinta. Tuhan juga ajar kita untuk melepaskan”

“Melepaskan yang macamana...Kalau tak berjodoh...kenapa hati ni degil....”

(16 May 2024)

I shouldn’t rewind and replay those memories. I should store them somewhere far beyond my reach. But the feelings still come. Sometimes they arrive slowly, sometimes all at once. Not talking to you has been the hardest part of everything I’ve had to carry.

You know… honestly, sometimes you didn’t really treat me well, but I never truly cared. I just loved loving you. And if it was never returned in the same way, that was fine too. You became a part of me, like salt in the sea. It is inseparable. 

Good night, love. I’m still working.

Sleep tight in his arms.

Lisbon — 14 May 2026

Felt good today.

Attended three meetings. Wore a new colour combination — a salmon shirt, beige trousers, and tan loafers. Broke my fast with coconut water and Sardinhas Assadas. Ate only a little — too spicy. Later tonight, I read a heartbreaking report from India: a woman was allegedly assaulted on a moving bus by the driver and conductor. Despite serious injuries, she reportedly refused hospital treatment because nobody was home to cook for her children.

Lisbon — 13 May 2026

Nineteen-hour workdays all week. Only pauses for prayer, sleep, showers. Third day of my 72-hour fast.

Somewhere between deadlines, I sent my wife a quote: ‘My heart talks about nothing but you.’ — Albert Camus

May Allah SWT always keep her safe.

_

"Okey, Ra. Abang nak sambung kerja"

"Bye, abang"

"Bye"

"Abang"

"Hmm?"

"Terima kasih tau kerja tak berhenti untuk keluarga kita"

"Abang takkan mampu buat semua ni tanpa pengorbanan Ara… Terima kasih, Ara"

"Take care, abang"

"I just think… you are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. You are so beautiful"

"Bang"

"Hmm"

"I miss you"

"I miss you twice as much"

"I love you"

"I want to love you with joy and eagerness"

"Acam cair mmm"

"Tunggu abang balik eh"

"Setiap hari"

"Dekat office pasang lagu Chopin Nocturne"

"Try dengar Nocturne in C-sharp Minor"

"Okey"

"Bye, abang"

Daddy: Hari tu pergi snorkeling pakai gown. Tak pernah di buat orang turun laut pakai gown

Raysha: Acha nak cantik

Daddy: Daddy ni dahlah dah tua, nasib tak naik darah tinggi

Raysha: Kenapa?

Daddy: Dah Raysha buat benda pelik-pelik

Raysha: Tapi Acha nak cantik

20250501