اللهم خفف عني ثقل هذه الأيام

O Allah, lighten my burden for a few days.

 

"Kalau kita tak tanya, abang tak sakit dada kan…"

"Taklah"

"Sorry, bang…mmmm"

"Some realisations can be quite hurtful. Abang ada hati yang besar, tapi hati abang dah tak mampu tahan kesakitan. Hati abang dah tak boleh terima. Reality is more painful than I thought"

"Abang tak rindu Kajang?"

"Dia dah mengerang kesedapan dekat sana, abang sedap dekat sini. Okey la tu. Sama-sama sedap"

"You okay?"

"Okey. Kenapa?"

"Pelik aje. Abang tak pernah cakap macam tu"

"Dulu abang selalu fikir…dia sayang siapa banyak. Abang dah tahu…jelas dan nyata. Kadang-kadang…abang cuma harap dia sayang abang lebih tapi kawin dengan laki lain. Abang silap. Sama jugak bila dia datang balik. I thought she wasn't happy in her marriage and wanted me back, but then I realised she was genuinely happy in her marriage. And then I learned that being happily married still means you can be curious. That was when I learned something new about human behaviour. It was quite a shock to me. The saddest part is, perhaps, that I may have occupied a very special place in her heart, but that doesn't mean she loves me more"

"That's something the heart struggles to accept"

"Very hard to swallow…"