"Bukan malas layan. Tak nak layan lagi"

"Acam tu ke layan wife?"

"Okey la dari abang layan perempuan lain"

"Dah layan pun kan"

_

"Okey pagi ni?

"Tak"

"Anak buat perangai?"

"Tak pun"

"Kalau letih, tinggal semua. Tak payah buat apa-apa"

"Okey"

"Dah makan?"

"Belum"

"Kembar biar Jaz jaga. Ara pergi berkebun ke tidur ke. Rehat. Anything I can do to make your day easier?"

"Abang, do you love me?"

_

"Before I make any assumptions and turn this fight into a war which I don’t want. Tell me what’s on your mind"

"Can I be honest?"

"It’s better than letting this turn into a war and dragging it on for weeks"

_

"Anyone can have trust issues. It doesn’t matter how long it happened. Something that’s broken needs time to heal"

"Am I someone you don’t trust?"

"Not being given access to everything you want doesn’t mean I don’t trust you"

"If you don’t trust me, and you don’t love me… then what am I to you?"

"Mana pulak abang tak sayang"

"Tanya hati abang… jujur dengan diri abang sendiri"

"Ara…"

"A man who cannot leave his past cannot build a new life"

_

"Ara tanya abang banyak soalan. Ara tengah nilai abang dalam hati Ara?"

"Abang rasa macam tu?"

"Ara dah penat dengan abang?"

_

"I’m working on myself. Please give me some time before you make any decision, if you already have something in your mind. These past two years really tough. More than ever"

"She is so much bigger in your world than you realize, abang"

_

"Since we met, I’ve felt sorry for you. The hardest part is seeing you still holding on to someone else"

"Ara…"

_

"You can’t get mad because she's not choosing you. You can’t expect her to wait forever. She deserves to know where you’re going"

"I know"

Panggilan telefon

April 17, 2026

Dubai

April 18, 2026

8:45 malam

"Abang? Tak pergi Spain?"

"Abang tahu Ara penat. Banyak minggu dah abang tinggal Ara"

"Kita okey aje"

"Work can’t wait but you come first"

_

"Ara dah makan?"

"Belum"

"Ni ada Japanese food. Tadi abang suruh Don bungkus"

"Tak lapar"

"Makan la sikit. Ada Italian food baru bukak. Kalau nak cuba, esok kita pergi"

"It's okay, abang"

_

"Ara tak suka tengok abang ke?"

"Taklah"

"Makan la sikit. Kalau tak suka abang pun tak apa tapi kena jaga diri. Makan la. Sedap ni"

"…………"

"Buka mulut. Makan. Hari tu cakap kalau boleh bernafas pun nak suruh abang buat"

"Takde selera"

"Abang tak nak jadi penyebab Ara sakit jadi Ara kena makan"

_

"Ara…bagi abang 2 tahun. Kalau lepas 2 tahun Ara rasa abang tak berubah dan Ara dah penat dengan semua ni, Ara boleh buat keputusan…abang minta maaf lukakan hati Ara…"

"Fix yourself, Tiger. I don’t want to lose you. Do it for your own good"

"Yes, ma’am"

_

April 19, 2026

12:30 malam

"Ra…bangun…jom kita keluar"

"Abang…"

"Jom keluar"

"Pergi mana?"

"Jalan-jalan"

_

"Sorry abang kacau Ara tidur"

"Balas dendam kan"

"Jet lag"

"Beria"

_

"Peluk kuat sikit"

"Dahhh. Eee mengada"

_

"Ra nak apa? Teh tarik? Kopi? Nescafe? Abang handsome ke eh silap hee"

"Air mineral"

"Botol biru? Putih? Hijau?"

"Hijau"

"Nak makan? Nasi goreng? Sandwich? Sizzling? Nasi campur?"

"Abang makan apa?"

"Lai chi kang dengan mi hailam

"Samalah"

_

"Abang tak okey Ara tanya banyak soalan, bukan banyak soalan, soalan deep, killer. Macam mana la tak kena hukuman gantung, peguam tanya soalan maut. Ara tanya soalan falsafah ke abang boleh jawab"

"Jawapan tak penting, abang. Kejujuran yang penting"

"Soalan tu buat abang tak selesa. Real talk makes me uncomfortable. Really"

"You need to sit with yourself to understand yourself"

"Yeah, but"

"I’m not going to apologize for that"

_

"Abang, kita nak bawa"

"Hati-hati dengan lori…bas"

"Jangan tidur tau"

"Ha"

_

"Okey la abang tidur dari abang raba"

"Gatal"

"Eh tak suka ke kena raba?"

"Mandi, bang. Yang itu kalau real talk suka aje kan"

"7 jam pun boleh hahaha"

_

"Thanks, love. Lamanya tak ride"

"Sekarang pun boleh 'ride' hehehehe"

"Sakit dada, kan? Astu rehat"

"Heeee"

"Bang"

"Quickie, quickie"

"You’re hard to resist, aren’t you?"

"Me or my thing? Ehem"

"Which one is the gentleman?"

"Both are charmingly gentlemanly and sweet"

"Really?"

"Once you taste me, even a thousand years won’t make you forget. I am an unforgettable man. The one you will run after, begging and crying. The name you try to forget, but never fully can"

"Amboi, bang!"

"Hahahahaha"

“I have a strong tendency, a bad habit that I believe no one knows about. I tend to repeatedly read things that hurt me hundreds of times. My mind remembers the words, letters, lines, and every symbol. I memorize them. I write them down until my heart feels like it is bleeding and screaming in pain”

"Kenapa Ara tak tahu pasal ni?"

"Yela dah tak ada dalam fail. Tu kan catatan lama. Puluh tahun dulu"

"Banyak yang abang sorok?"

"Cukuplah apa yang Ara dah baca dalam fail tu"

"Kenapa mesti sembunyikan?"

"Dah seminggu Ara tanya banyak soalan. Semua abang jawab. Abang penat. Bagi abang ruang sikit, boleh? Abang kan tengah kerja"

"Okay, sorry"

"Abang trauma berlapis-lapis. Ada dokumen abang minta doktor pisahkan sebab tu Ara tak dapat baca. Ada benda yang Ara tak boleh tahu"

"Tapi Kajang mesti tahu. Betul tak?"

"Abang tak nak gaduh"

"See"

"Apa?"

"Ara nak akses fail tu"

"Tak boleh"

"Kenapa tak boleh?"

"It’s my ugly side. My first and worst nightmare. Don’t cross that line. Kali ni je abang minta, jangan. Kali ni je. Abang tak boleh tanggung dah, Ara. Yang ada ni pun dah tak tertanggung"

"Kenapa Kajang tak tahu? Kenapa abang tak bagitahu dia?"

"She respects my boundaries. Doesn’t ask for much"

"Abang nak cakap Ara tak hormat abang? Macam tu?"

"Bukan, bukan. Dah, Ara. Abang sakit dada. Fail tu Ara tak boleh akses. Muktamad. Move on"

"No"

"Don’t do that… it will break my heart"

_

"If you knew, you wouldn’t look at me the same way. Please, can we just skip this? Not all trauma needs to be addressed"

"I value transparency"

Panggilan telefon

20260416

Dubai

1:30 AM — Dubai

Sleep: 2h 30m 49s. Alhamdulillah

Hydration (100 ml). Bed made. Cold exposure, facial ice, light mobility, 45-minute cold shower

Sahur: 3 boiled eggs, honey (1 tsp), 150 ml water

Grooming complete. Dressed in baju Melayu and sarong. Went to the mosque for salah

Returned to the hotel. Reading block: Chinese novel (near completion)

Recovery: 25-minute rest. Skincare

Day outfit: light pink slim-fit shirt, black slim-cut trousers, black leather penny loafers, black leather belt

Work block completed. Returned at 4 PM. Short rest. Spoke with my wife

Physical reset: quick shower, swim (4 laps)

Maghrib at the mosque.

Iftar: water, naan, olive oil

Post-prayer: Surah Ar-Rahman, Dalail al-Khayrat, 1 rakaʿah witir

Sleep: 1 hour

Reset. Shower. Prepared for night shift

Night outfit: camel crewneck sweater, navy pants, espresso brown leather Chelsea boots

Now at the office

Now at the office

Morning breakfast after night shift: sourdough toast, eggs, olive oil, hot cocoa