"Deep love is meaningless. What can deep love do for you? Nothing. People don’t care about your love. They want to breathe the same air as you, live with you, share the same toothbrush, hold your hand, lie next to you, surprise you with gifts or visits. They want presence. They don’t want someone caring from a distance. Spending years losing sleep just worrying about them. That doesn’t matter. People talk about effort and presence. No one talks about effort in absence. Do people even care that they can sleep peacefully because someone else is watching over them? Do they really care? No. Never. No one appreciates the army or the police who protect them… because they don’t see that effort. I don’t want any love. It’s just an illusion. There is no love in this world. I learned too late that people love you with their own terms and conditions. When I realized it, I had already drowned, unable to breathe, too helpless to live. So tell me… what is deep love really worth? I’m tired of trying to convince people of my love, my worth… until I just gave up and stopped caring. People dump what they don’t want. People won’t dump something priceless. They dump trash, and I’m one of that trash. Don’t talk to me about love. I hate it. I hate myself more. I hate everything. I’m just trash that you tried to build, and you ended up hurting yourself. Thank you for trying to save me… but I can’t be saved. I’m sorry for pulling you into my chaos. I’m really sorry…”

"I can’t fully understand what you’re feeling… but I know it hurts"

"I’m tired… of everything"

_

"Ara dengar apa?"

"Something worth listening to"

"Falsafah?"

"That’s for senior citizens"

"Takkan dengar ceramah agama?"

"Nooo"

_

"Ni peluk-peluk nak apa?"

"Nak cinta abang hihihi"

"Tak habis lagi"

"Tak pernah habis"

_

"Kenapa Ara dengar tu?"

"Because it’s real… honest… it feels human. And abang… you’re not empty. You’re just protecting yourself"

_

"Abang… I see what people don’t see. Your quiet effort… the way you love through sacrifice. Presence matters, and as humans, we chase what we can see and touch"

"Tahu. Faham"

"What you give, it matters too. More than you think"

"Apalah guna sayang…kalau tak dapat di buktikan…"

"Not everyone can carry love the way you do… and still stay kind. You’re one of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met. So selfless… so rare. Thank you for letting me into your life"

_

"Ara nak ambil hati abang je kan…"

"Don’t you trust me?"

"I do…"

"It just feels like… all this time, you haven’t really let me in. You don’t give me the chance to truly know you. There’s always a little distance between us. Why is that…? Are you scared of getting hurt?”

"……………"

"I just wish I could hold you more… and feel closer to you all the time. Sometimes I feel like you’re a little far from me… even when you’re here. I know you show love through touch… but I just wish I could hold you more often. It feels like you keep a part of yourself away… like I can’t really reach you fully. Sometimes it feels like I’m only really close to you when things get intimate…"

"I can’t broach this topic. Can we talk later?"

"Sure, abang"

"Banyak sangat. Abang tak boleh proses"

_

"Ra, abang nyawa dulu ada banyak tapi sejak dengan Ara, nyawa ada satu je. Tak tahu mana nyawa yang banyak tu pergi"

"Effortless funny"

"Betul, Ra. Satu je. Ni pun dah sesak nafas, sakit kepala, sakit dada"

"Am I causing that?"

"Ra, banyak mana Ara sayang abang? Banyak sangat ni…jangan sayang abang banyak sangat. Abang tak biasa orang sayang abang banyak sangat"

"Banyaknya banyak sangat"

"Orang serius dia gelak"

"Kita pun serius hihihi"

"Tengok tu"

20260503

"Why do you think she contacted you?"

"I don’t know. Maybe for one last conversation, or maybe she just wanted to confirm her feelings. She clearly wrote that she doesn’t want me back and told me I shouldn’t even think that way. She said she’s really happy with her life. Her husband is loving, caring, and puts in every effort to keep her happy bla bla bla so yeah, I’m not sure what it is"

"Not regret?"

"Absolutely not

"Oookeyyyyy"

"Ara tanya semua ni, Ara tak cemburu ke? Mana ada perempuan boleh dengar laki cakap pasal perempuan lain. Ara nak kepastian apa? Hati abang? Perasaan abang? Cuba Ara cakap apa yang Ara cuba buat selama ni. Bantu abang? Ara tak boleh bantu abang. Ara kena faham satu benda. You can’t unlove what you’ve loved… unless you never loved it at all. Cuba Ara cakap dengan jelas bagi abang faham. Abang tak faham apa Ara cuba buat"

"I just like listening to your stories"

"It will hurt you"

"Honestly… you’re right"

"Then?"

"I like watching your eyes when you talk about her. Sometimes you look away… like you don’t want me to notice. But I see it. Your love… it’s deep"

"If you firmly choose me, then you will be the only one. There are no other options. Ara cuba analisis abang?"

"Never"

"Ara tak percayakan abang?"

"Percaya"

"Habis?"

"Jangan marah"

"The right kind of love is not confusing, it is sure"

"It is"

"Jangan duga abang"

"Abang yang cakap"

"Habis apa dia?"

"I love your words"

"Jangan la main-mainkan abang"

"Why are you angry?"

"Marah la. Abang tak tahu apa Ara buat. Abang tak faham"

"How are you supposed to understand me… when you still understand her more than me?"

20260502

"Ara beli buku apa? Tengok sini"

"……………"

"Buat keputusan untuk diri sendiri. Bukan untuk orang lain, bukan untuk anak-anak. Diri sendiri kena bahagia dulu. Dan kalau satu masa nanti Ara pilih beralih arah, cakap dengan abang. Selagi kita hidup bersama, abang akan tetap sayang dan jaga Ara lebih dari nyawa abang sendiri. Abang tahu Ara sedang nilai abang. Abang minta maaf lukakan hati Ara. Kalaulah…abang bertegas…semua ni takkan jadi tapi masa tak boleh undur. Abang yang salah. Abang hampir hancurkan rumah tangga kita…rumah tangga orang lain. Abang tahu abang berdosa. Abang nak minta Ara peluang pun abang malu"

"…………"

"Abang tak nak yakinkan Ara. Abang percaya Ara pandai menilai. Abang bukan lelaki pentingkan diri. Abang lagi suka beralah asalkan orang yang abang sayang bahagia"

"Kadang-kadang…bahagia tak bererti kita tinggal di bawah bumbung yang sama, kan abang?"

"Kalau di beri pilihan…semua orang nak bahagia di bawah teduhan yang sama tanpa perlu meninggalkan…"

"Tapi kalau kita saling melukakan?"

"Tak ada pasangan yang tak saling melukakan. Kalau abang tahu abang akan curang…benda yang paling abang tak nak buat…tapi abang dah buat…abang takkan kawin dengan Ara hanya untuk hancurkan hati Ara. Abang dah hancurkan hati Ara berkali-kali"

"Maybe I'm just really tired of everything right now or I am no longer happy with this life…"

_

"Abang marah kita cakap macam tu?"

"Tak…you’re allowed to feel whatever comes. We’re human"

"No hard feelings at all?"

"Ada tapi tu kita ketepikan dulu. When you’re ready, we can talk"

"Tak nak gaduh?"

"Ara nak gaduh jom"

"Tak nak. Penat"

"Nak abang dukung?"

"Tak nak"

"Main buai?"

"Eee dah malam"

"Bihun tomyam nak?"

"Asam laksa oleh tak?"

"Boleh. Tunggu sini abang turun buat"

"Kalau abang takde acam mana…cape nak macak. Kita kan selalu lapar"

_

"Tak boleh tiup. Nabi tak bagi tiup makanan panas"

"Astu kita lapar"

"Sini abang suap"

"Abang"

"Hmm"

"Abang pernah tak bosan dengan kita?"

"Ada jugak"

"Apaaaa?"

"Tapi kalau Ara tak ada lagi bosan"

_

"Kenyang?"

"Sangat"

"Gosok gigi lepas tu tidur"

"Abang?"

"Abang pun nak tidur"

"Tidur sama tau"

"Iye"

_

"Kita sayang abang"

"Tahu"

"Tak romantik pun"

"Nak tidur dah. Esok pulak romantik"

"1,2,3,4,5,6. Kenapa abang sayang kita?"

"Kena la sayang dah bini"

"Kena? Acam terpaksa aje"

"Taklah"

"Kenapa telinga abang 2?"

"Kang Tuhan bagi 3 tak ada tempat nak letak"

"Abang…"

"Tidur, Ra. Pejam mata"

20260430

"Ara…abang minta maaf. Abang tahu susah Ara nak maafkan abang tapi…"

"Kita dah lama maafkan abang"

"Kenapa Ara maafkan abang? Ara pernah cakap 'I won't forgive a cheater'"

"I don’t judge you for what you did. I look at who you are inside"

_

"Abang tak ada hubungan istimewa dengan dia. I’ve made that clear to her. Dengan dia sendiri pun abang pernah cakap tak ada hubungan apa-apa"

"What was her response?"

"I can’t really define it"

"Marah? Sedih? Frust?"

"Entah. Tak tahu. Abang tak analisis"

_

"I analyze every feeling, every emotion, every action because I care. I want to know someone I love more deeply. Back then, I was too deeply in love. I tried to control everything just to make sure it worked even when it was tearing me down. I couldn’t give her the life she wanted. I was busy fighting every corner of my life, while she wanted what she wanted. When I let her go, a small part of me felt relieved. I just let her go. I didn’t fight. I was exhausted. Relieved that she finally gets the life she wants, like everyone else. It wasn’t a healthy relationship for her. I couldn’t make her happy. She wasn’t happy with me. Whatever I did, I only hurt her more. Whatever I said, I only made things worse. At that time, I felt that letting her go was the right thing to do. That man gives her everything. I am just a worthless man…"

"No, you’re not"

_

"Abang takut nak sayang Ara…dalam-dalam. Not everyone is ready for deep love with its chaos, messiness, jealousy, fight after fight, tears after tears. I can’t do it anymore. Maybe I just want something calm now. Something simple and safe. Not all that intense, passionate kind of love. It feels lighter, unburdened. No weight on my shoulders. I’ve learned not to love people too hard, not to make someone my home, not to build my entire world around someone else"

"Honestly, abang… that’s the kind of love I’m looking for"

"Love isn’t always a fairy tale. It’s painful. It’s inconvenient. You’re going to hurt the people you love, disappoint them, argue with them. Sometimes they’ll make you cry, and you’ll make them cry too. There’s too much emotion, too much damage. Too much of everything. There will be days when you feel like you’re boiling inside and just want to get out of it, but you’ll still find a reason to stay. A weight that was both heavy and comforting. One more day, one more minute…because you don’t want to leave them…You want to share everything. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times"

_

"Bila Ara nak cerita pulak? Asyik abang je"

"Tak nak, abang confirm jealous"

"Eh cerita pun belum"

"Dah lupa semua, bang"

"Campak masuk longkang eh"

"Tak baik tau kotorkan longkang"

_

"Abang dah tua, Ara. Abang nak hidup baik-baik je. Tak nak dah cinta-cinta tu semua…"

"Is it true that a man only falls in love once in his life?"

20260429