Nostalgia and Lost Love

Kuala Pilah — 30 May

Do I really miss you, or do I simply miss the nostalgia we once shared? Nostalgia matters because of the person behind it. We may think we miss the memories, but more often, we miss the person who gave those memories meaning. Without them, nostalgia becomes little more than an empty echo. In one of the letters that Albert Camus wrote to Maria Casarès, he said "You and I met and fell in love passionately, impatiently, dangerously. I regret nothing." Those words remind me of our own story.

On 28 August 2024, I copied a verse by Qays ibn al-Mulawwah into my notebook —

"I pass by her house, 

the house of Layla,

And I kiss this wall and that wall.

It is not the love of the houses that has taken my heart,

But the love of the one who dwells in those houses."

Ustaz Fahmi Zam Zam once quoted an Arabic proverb — "If you keep thinking about someone, you will find yourself looking at the roof of their house." My heart smiled as I remembered the days when I used to pass by your parents' house. And yes, I would always find myself looking at the roof. In Malay culture, some people believe that if a person keeps staring at the roof of someone's house, it is because of cenuai. Makcik Siti once asked whether you had done that to me. I told her you were too kind.

She still insisted that I visit a bomoh somewhere in Tapah or Gopeng. I assured her that I was completely fine. I simply missed you. For several weeks, I ran a high fever and would call your name in my sleep. Makcik worried deeply about me. Even today, I miss you as though it all happened yesterday. There is something quietly comforting in knowing that a single moment of genuine happiness can be enough to give meaning to an entire life. You once gave meaning to mine.

Life moves on. We live different lives now, yet amid our busy days and quiet moments, we sometimes pause for a second to remember the people we once loved. We replay the memories, the songs we shared, and how beautiful everything felt back then. Sometimes the memories make us sad; sometimes they make us smile. Sometimes we carry them lightly. Sometimes they carry us. Thank you for coming into my life. Through you, I came to understand the meaning of love, loss, and life.

"Endure, O heart

at other times, 

you have endured worse."

— Homer, The Odyssey

…

Originally written in Kuala Pilah on 30 May 2026 while travelling home from Singapore.

Edited on 4 August 2026 between Batu Pahat and Pulau Pisang while en route to Batam, Indonesia.

3rd August — Tanjung Tuan

Today, Negeri Sembilan was declared a public holiday after the election victory on Saturday. The blue wave came and swept away almost half of the red giant that was once loud in championing Reformasi. I went to Port Dickson on Friday evening after the Jumaah prayer. I do not know why, but I have always had a soft spot for this state. I love Bandar Sri Sendayan the most. Mantin is also a good place to live. I would rather sell some of my properties in KL and Selangor and invest here. KL and Selangor are already overcrowded. There is no quiet living unless you reside in places like Hulu Langat or choose a top-tier residential area.

The people have spoken. The blue wave has come, and I believe we are back to square one. I feel a little sad not because BN won, but because PH, under PKR, failed to fulfil even half of their promises. The movement that once carried the language of reform did not meet the expectations. There is no clear reform that was loudly promised. Issues such as nepotism, cronyism, and corruption scandals among some politicians have affected public confidence. Above all, I do not like the 3R issues, particularly when some DAP members were perceived as being disrespectful towards the Sultan of Selangor and especially regarding the issue of the illegal temple. 

What concerns me more is the perception that enforcement actions were selective. Some Malays feel that certain groups are able to act more boldly without fear of consequences, which has increased frustration and mistrust among the community. It is heartbreaking to see that there were no strong Malay-Islam leaders, particularly from PKR or Amanah, who openly addressed these issues when they happened. They seemed more focused on maintaining harmony within the coalition, which made some people feel that they were being too careful in addressing concerns involving DAP. DAP is like an “abang besar”. No one dares to voice out.

The fears that some Malays had about losing their position and influence when Chinese political power increased have become part of the political reality today. Many Malay voters felt they had no better choice between choosing a party associated with corruption issues and a party they perceived as insensitive towards their concerns. They chose the former, not necessarily because they liked or fully supported it, but because they were tired of feeling that some DAP members were disrespecting their identity and values. I believe PH needs Malay votes, but many Malays will continue to hesitate in supporting PH if DAP remains part of the coalition.

In order to reform an institution, you must not forget your roots. Malays, I believe, have given this serious consideration, and the recent voting pattern shows a strong message against what they perceive as excessive DAP influence. And what is Anwar doing? Many people feel that he has focused too much on international recognition rather than listening to the concerns of his own people. He wants Malaysia to be recognised globally, but domestic issues still need capable ministers to handle them effectively. Yes, it is true that Malaysia has received billions in foreign investment, but macroeconomic achievements do not always reflect microeconomic realities. 

The rakyat want him to address issues such as housing affordability, where house prices have increased significantly from RM217,857 in 2017 to RM502,922 in 2024, while wages increased from RM1,500 to RM2,793 during the same period. I see some young and promising leaders in DAP, such as Yeo Bee Yin and Hannah Yeoh. They have strong educational backgrounds, good leadership qualities, and promising futures, but politics also requires the art of politics. Anthony Loke also appeared promising at first, but many groups, including e-hailing drivers, p-hailing workers, and lorry drivers, have criticised his performance as a minister.

Next year, Malaysia will face another General Election. For now, I believe the blue wave has returned to reclaim its position. The red wave was given a chance to prove itself, but many people feel it performed worse than the previous government. When you are in the opposition bloc, it is easy to criticise the government. Anwar may not be too concerned about whether his party can return to Putrajaya in the next election, as he has already achieved his lifelong dream of becoming Prime Minister. If Anwar retires, does DAP have any opportunity to become the government in the following elections after losing another chance to gain wider public acceptance this time?

Usang

 

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