"Kita suka tapi tak suka"

"Mana satu?"

"Dua-dua"

"Habis kena buat apa?"

"Padam and tulis semula"

"Sebab satu perkataan?"

"Yesssss"

"Nak letak apa?"

"Mulut manis tanya kita"

"Tolong fikir"

"Kita darling awak, not your sayang. Jangan ganti dia dengan kita"

"Mana ada. Duckling boleh?"

"Abang tahu kan kita tak suka"

"Ra…semalam abang mimpi iblis"

"Serius la?"

"Ye. Dia kejar abang. Semua tempat abang pergi dia ikut"

_

"Lampu kelip-kelip dalam bilik ni"

"Lelaki ke perempuan?"

"Perempuan"

"Baca ayat Kursi"

"Dah"

_

"Rindu Kajang ekkkk"

"Ra, orang tengah risau hantu. Dia Kajang, Kajang, Kajang"

"Kajang aje yang boleh tarik perhatian abang"

"Abang dah move on la"

"Tak perlu pun kalau masi sayang. Sayanglah dia sampai kiamat, bang. Kita tak kisah"

"Ye la tu"

"Benarrr, bang"

"Orang nak move on, biarlah orang move on"

_

"Abang nak mandi"

"Janganlah"

"Habis takkan nak tidur tak mandi"

"Abang tak takut ke?"

"Takut"

"Astu?"

"Mandi je la"

"Dia off lampu acam mana?"

"Ara ni"

"Kita cakap aje"

_

"Bang, kita ase hantu dah tertidur. Penat gaknya tunggu abang mandi"

"Ra, semua dekat rumah okey?"

"Kita ada story tapi malas story"

"Jom la tidur"

"Good night, abang"

"Charge handphone tu. Esok pagi call tak dapat"

"Bang, nak ayat cinta"

"Kedai tutup"

"Alaaa"

Panggilan telefon

8/9

Dearest to my heart,

It’s a rainy day, darling. I’m at the café with a cup of herbal tea and a bowl of noodles. Sit beside me. Let’s have an inner conversation. In this life, there are many blessings that Allah has showered upon me, and among the most precious is you. You have been there for me through every season — sunshine and rain, through every curve and turn. Not every day is smooth, but every day with you is extraordinary. You fill my days with laughter and smiles, love and patience. If love had a shape, it would be you.

There is a saying in Tafsīr Ibn Kathīr, in its commentary on Sūrah al-Aʿrāf 7:190  “There is no intimacy between two souls like that between the spouses.” You are a wonderful gift, beautifully wrapped in īmān, akhlāq, and tawḥīd. A gift I could never have earned, but only received through the mercy and generosity of Allah. What a beautiful gift. A gift I do not want to lose through my own blindness or foolishness — failing to cherish what Allah has so graciously placed before me.

Happiness often comes at unexpected times. When I met you, I never imagined that one day I would get to live my life with you. Yet here we are. Imām al-Ghazālī describes several causes of love, one of which is love arising from a hidden affinity — a subtle congruence and harmony between two souls. I have always told you that you are my rūḥī. Not every man gets the chance to marry the woman he loves. But I was given something even more precious — the chance to marry the woman who loves me the most.

If you promise to stay,

I promise to never leave.

I made duʿāʾ to Allah for a drop of water, and He gave me the ocean — in you.

— Arabic Literature

Love and only love,

Abang

Written on 08 September 2026

Edited on 09 September 2026 at 1:18 p.m.

Aduhai kekasih…berat sungguh rasa ini…kerana aku akan pergi meninggalkanmu, meninggalkan cerita kita…

_

Salam ke atasmu duhai kekasih pemilik hatiku, 

Selamat Hari Lahir, sayang. Semoga usiamu yang berbaki ini di manfaatkan untuk memberi kebaikan dan kesejahteraan kepada dirimu keluargamu, masyarakat, negara dan sekalian alam — terutama kepada Rabbmu. Berpegang teguhlah kepada tali Allah Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang — yang menjagamu  setiap saat dan waktu. Moga engkau terpelihara selalu. 

Peliharalah dirimu, duhai kekasih — tutuplah auratmu dengan sempurna, jagalah batasmu sebagai perempuan, bersederhanalah selalu; marahmu jangan keterlaluan, bencimu jangan berlebihan, sedihmu jangan berpanjangan. Hiasilah dirimu dengan al-Quran, lengkapilah dirimu dengan adab dan ilmu. Jauhi permusuhan, ikhlas dalam setiap niat dan perbuatan. Nescaya engkau akan disenangi selalu. 

Sayangilah sesiapa yang menyayangimu, hargailah sesiapa yang menghargaimu, perjuangkanlah sesiapa yang  memperjuangkanmu. Bersabarlah dalam menempuh setiap ujian, kukuhkan pendirian, berani hadapi apa jua tantangan. Hidup ini tidak mudah tetapi kekal indah. Lebarkan sayapmu duhai kekasih, kejarlah cita-citamu, gapailah impianmu. Balutilah dengan doa dan usaha — engkau pasti akan berjaya. 

Selamat Hari Lahir kepada insan pertama yang menetap di hatiku, yang mengajarku tentang cinta dengan selautan sabar, yang mengajarku ikhlas dalam perhubungan, yang memberiku ilmu seluas langit malam, juga yang mengajarku erti melepaskan dengan penuh keredhaan. Maafkan aku kerana tidak punya keberaniaan untuk memilikimu. Semoga engkau berbahagia selalu. 

Hidup baik-baik, sayang. 

Abang pergi dulu.

My sayang, my almost forever, my baby love,

Perhaps this will be the last time I wish you a happy birthday. I knew you came back the second time not to disrupt my marriage or ruin my small family or my peace, but it has affected me both physically and mentally. I would like to say thank you for the memories, for your kindness, and for the part of your heart you once shared with me. I am so grateful for the time you spent with me. Loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done. I love loving you, but not every love story has a happy ending.

Please don’t dwell on “what ifs.” You are where you are meant to be. You have a beautiful family and a loving husband. He deserves all of you. Protect and cherish what you have. Be fully present in the life you have chosen. You chose to be there. No one forced you, and I am sure you are happy where you are now, with whom you chose. Allah always writes what is best for His servants. His plan is better than ours, even if we don’t understand or like it. I’m still happy loving someone amazing like you.

"You are the one who makes my heart happy day and night, you are the one who brings sweetness to my soul and heart."

(Arabic Poetry)

I am sorry for the six years of your life that I may have taken in ways I never should have. Please forgive me for the time, energy, and emotions you gave to me. If I could turn back time, I would not have let my love reach you—I would have kept it to myself. I would not have caused you pain, and most of all, I would not have made you wait. Waiting hurts… sometimes more than anything else in this world. You were the first place I learned to feel loved. Thank you for your patience in loving me.

While you are taking care of everyone else, please remember to take care of yourself too. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve that. To me, you will always be my rose—blooming, colourful, and full of light. Your presence makes this world feel softer, lighter, more alive. Eat well, stay healthy, get enough rest, and sleep properly. Health is wealth. And please… do not hurt yourself in any way. You may cry, you may scream, but never harm yourself. You are precious. Never doubt yourself.

I intended to wish you since last year because I knew you might be waiting for my message. I had planned to keep it simple. It would have gone like this:

“Untuk budak tak ada bulu, selamat hari jadi.

Daripada abang yang banyak bulu.”

I think it is time for me to step out of your heart. I have stayed long enough. What was once mine to feel is no longer mine to keep.

Bunga melati di tepi laman,

Harum semerbak di waktu senja;

Terima kasih segala kenangan,

Semoga bahagia hingga ke syurga.

Goodbye, my first love,

Abang

P.S. Goodbye, KB

xoxo