Jahat

"Ngantuk dah?"

"Ha'a"

"Tidurlah"

"Tak nak tidur sana"

"Nak tidur mana?"

"Sini"

_

"I miss you…"

"Merajuk lama sangat"

"Abang jahat"

"Pagi tadi abang jahat tak?"

"Ngada laa abang ni"

"Tanya je"

"Jangan tanyaaa"

Bangkok, Thailand

30-08-2024

I crave her

What did I do to make her come back? Nothing. She comes back by her own choice. For the past few years, I haven’t been able to move on because she always calls my name. She never left my mind. Her thoughts keep creeping into my head, and it always throws me off, ruining my mood without any reason. Longing for her is driving me insane.

I try not to get too attached to her because I’m afraid she might leave me again, even though I know that someday she will leave for good, just like she did in the past. What can I do to make her mine? I have a family and a good wife, and she has a husband and family too. I can’t hurt my wife’s feelings, and she doesn’t want to hurt her husband.

Nothing has changed much. I try to hide my smile when I chat with her. I don’t want my wife to notice any change. I find any possible time to make a call. I can’t go a day without talking to her. There are times I call her for only two minutes, and that’s enough. It’s hard to focus on two women at the same time. Not all men are capable of doing that.

I crave her and her touch, even though I know it's wrong. I can't help how I feel. I try to control myself as best I can by distancing myself from her, but sometimes she misunderstands my intentions. I want her, but I can't. I get frozen, which is both good and bad. It’s good because I maintain control, but bad because it causes physical tension.

(April 5, 2024)

Ara

"To be honest, I'm the kind of person who consider myself mature but when I am with somebody I'm used to and comfortable with, I always show off my childish attitude, migraine noises and even get clingy af just to show them how happy I am around them. It might be weird for you but that's my kind of showing love and appreciation to everyone around me."

A Facebook status that my wife shared with me.

_

She’s mature and good company. When I need advice or a friend, I go to her. We mainly argue about small things, and she sometimes teases me to get a reaction. I only saw her playful side after we got married. Though the arguments can be tiring, she knows how to give me space when needed. I’m grateful to have her in my life.

(February 25, 2024)

The greatest "What if?"

What if we had a second chance?

What if you never give up on us?

What if circumstances were different?

What if you came back?

And it could run endless.

But what if I will tell you...

"It was meant to begin, and end that way."

And sometimes we just have to leave it at that and be present with our current reality— Unknown

(July 2, 2024)