What did I do to make her come back? Nothing. She comes back by her own choice. For the past few years, I haven’t been able to move on because she always calls my name. She never left my mind. Her thoughts keep creeping into my head, and it always throws me off, ruining my mood without any reason. Longing for her is driving me insane.
I try not to get too attached to her because I’m afraid she might leave me again, even though I know that someday she will leave for good, just like she did in the past. What can I do to make her mine? I have a family and a good wife, and she has a husband and family too. I can’t hurt my wife’s feelings, and she doesn’t want to hurt her husband.
Nothing has changed much. I try to hide my smile when I chat with her. I don’t want my wife to notice any change. I find any possible time to make a call. I can’t go a day without talking to her. There are times I call her for only two minutes, and that’s enough. It’s hard to focus on two women at the same time. Not all men are capable of doing that.
I crave her and her touch, even though I know it's wrong. I can't help how I feel. I try to control myself as best I can by distancing myself from her, but sometimes she misunderstands my intentions. I want her, but I can't. I get frozen, which is both good and bad. It’s good because I maintain control, but bad because it causes physical tension.
(April 5, 2024)