4:16 a.m.
Ya Rabb,
I know she was good for me, but she was not meant for me. It is not easy, but I am learning to accept Your decree. All that You plan is good for Your believers, even when the heart struggles to understand. She left me twelve years ago, yet the longing and the hurt remain the same.
Nothing has truly lessened, only that I have learned to live alongside the pain. She was the only one I ever loved this deeply, and I still do not know why. She never gave me her full attention, yet even the smallest part of it felt enough, and I was content. “For a heart that loves, even a little is plenty.”
I carried my pain, my worries, and my endless struggles alone, so I would not disturb her studies. Her studies and later, her career were her world. I never competed for her attention. I celebrated her successes quietly. I felt proud of her, even though I contributed nothing to where she stands today.
She never knew how hard I worked for her. She never knew that everything I had, I prepared with her in mind. She never knew how many times I felt discouraged because I could not yet afford the home I dreamed of giving her. Perhaps it is my flaw. I have always tried to build on certainty alone.
In the end, she assumed I had prepared nothing for our future. Then… someone else came. A man who could offer her everything, and suddenly I became invisible. Perhaps it is true. I gave her nothing she could see. And in a moment, he gained what I held onto for years.
She gave him her attention, listened to him, and everything became easy. Perhaps they were always meant to be. The pain runs deep. Words feel too small to hold what I feel. At times, I feel like a man who planted love in someone’s heart, only to be cast aside like I was nothing.