Ummi,
The monster came to visit me again today. But this time, he wasn’t angry. He was quiet, hiding inside me, and I could control him. Ara helped me a lot with this. She’s always there for me. She never gets tired. When she looks into my eyes, she says I carry pain that has no words. She cares—perhaps more than anyone ever has. She always checks to see if I’m okay.
Last year, a woman from my past contacted me. When I called her, I heard her voice. It was so soft, I couldn’t believe it was really her. I think that was the softest I’ve ever heard her speak. It reminded me of you. Maybe because both of you share the same path in life, and the way she spoke felt just like you. It struck me differently—like she had been reborn.
It has been ten years since we separated. Now, she sounds more gentle, more mature. Her voice is softer, and the way she talks to me feels different from before. I was a bit shocked. I thought to myself, "She has changed a lot. She’s so different now." She told me she is different because she’s no longer my sayang. She is now someone’s wife, and a mother too.
Everything in her life sounds perfect, except her career. She seemed frustrated. She told me about her dreams – how she wants to gain more experience and learn more in her work. She’s always looking for something new. But juggling work, being a wife, and being a mom isn’t easy. She looks tired. Sometimes, she looks too tired. I feel sorry for her.
I need to go back to my room now. Ara hasn’t slept yet. She’s waiting for me so we can read books together before we sleep. Today, she was talking about the TNB bill. Many people are complaining because the new tariff is much higher than usual. She also said Malaysia will face a 25% tariff from the US government starting August 2025.