Saturday, September 21, 2024

You are my moon

Hi sayang,

Did you stare at the moon tonight? It looks a bit larger and brighter because of the supermoon and the partial eclipse phenomena. On August 21, I received your email. You said, "Are we gazing at the same moon tonight...? The moon will always be our thing, kan, abang?" How did you know? Do you notice me being around you? Maybe your heart knows my heart is near you.

How are you, sayang? Did you sleep well? I dreamt about you for two days in a row while taking a nap. You were asking why I didn’t call you. You said you were expecting my call. I replied that I didn’t want to cause you trouble. We were spending time together, you holding my hands and resting your head on my chest. I woke up at 10:53 PM and checked my inbox, but there was no email from you.

I miss you, sayang. I miss your voice, I miss calling you sayang. I miss hearing your deep breath. It drives me insane being far from you, but I know being near you might cause catastrophe. I long for you. What should I do to miss you less? I want to be close to you, to take care of you. I want to spend my life with you. It will always be my dream. It has never faded. You’re the apple of my eye.

The Qur'an mentions the word love (ḥubb) and its derivatives 83 times. Love is expressed in Arabic with three characteristics: appreciative (taʿẓīm), full of attention (ihtimāman), and love (maḥabbah). Your love makes me see all the beauty in the world. I feel calm when you are near. I am not only your inner peace; you are mine too. Together, we find balance and complete each other.

Have you felt exhausted from our fights and arguments? We don’t feel exhausted, do we? We just feel drained from longing for each other. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in his letters to Zelda Sayre in 1919, "There's nothing in all the world I want but you -- and your precious love -- All the material things are nothing. I'd just hate to live a sordid, colorless existence." What matters most is love.

Derek Parfit, a philosopher, believed that we should be less concerned with ourselves and more with the common good. Do you remember the days you wanted to join Mercy Malaysia? You wanted to follow Dr. Jamilah’s footsteps, and I smile every time I recall that memory. You are the unselfish person I always admire. You wanted to give more to your community and country.

National Geographic columnist Liz Kruesi notes that "the moon’s true color is an off-white brown-gray when sunlit, but Earth's atmosphere alters our perception of it." In this context, Italian photographer Marcella Giulia Pace has spent 10 years capturing 48 stunning lunar images. Her work invites viewers to explore the deep connection between the moon and our emotions.

I am always gazing at the moon. The moon, in all its phases, is magnificent. It reminds me of you—my lover. I wish to tell you what Dede Hawkins said: "I adore you like the moon in all of your majestic phases." How wonderful life would be if I could hold you in my arms while we gazed at the moon, enjoying our quiet night together. You are the moon; you illuminate my life with your love.

We are living in an era where people value material things. Morality, ethics, and integrity have become uncommon. A lack of respect is normalized in our society. I think people nowadays lack empathy. The world has shifted toward dataism, where the flow of data and algorithms is deemed more crucial than human experience. This concept has been introduced by Yuval Noah Harari.

I will excuse myself for now, but I will always write to you, my dear.

"Do I love you to the moon and back? No, I love you more than that. I love you to the desert sun, the mountains, the stars, the planets, and to the deepest sea, and deeper still through history. Before and beyond, I loved you then, and I love you now. I'll love you when the sun has gone out, the moon has gone home, and all the stars are fully grown. When I can no longer say these words, I'll give them to the winds and the birds so that they will still be heard: 'I love you.'" — James Carter


(September, 2024)