Ara, my darling,
If one day you happen to find my personal blog, please do not get mad at me. I have copied all our conversations here, whether we were in a lovey-dovey mood, feeling sad and sorrowful, or having arguments and fights. It isn't my intention to write about the bad side of you, no. It's just that the reality of a relationship is far different from what is portrayed on television.
There was a time when I tried to pour out what was inside my heart to someone I was close to (we had fought that day), but that person thought I was complaining about you. No, I wasn't. I was just trying to release what I was carrying in my heart. It weighed on me. That person said that she didn't like hearing me complain about my wife. I realized something that day.
Men and women think differently. When a woman talks about what their partner is doing that they don't like, for them it is just pouring out their heart, but when a man does the same, a woman thinks that the man is complaining about his wife. But still, there is a thick line between pouring out and complaining. The difference is in the way we absorb those things.
I thank her. From that day, anything that I didn't like, I talked straight to your face. You pay attention and listen, of course, after countless fights. I wrote down our fights as a long lesson. I keep reading and trying to analyze the core problem and try to tackle it the best way. Every relationship is unique and has its own strengths and flaws. We won't have the same love twice.
But I am worried if one day people come to my blog and think I write all our arguments to show that you are the problem and I am the good one. That is not my intention. I keep records so I can track what problems we encountered. We had a smooth journey during our dating period, but now it's a different world. We have had a roller coaster relationship.
I learn from my past relationship. She said that I was the hero and she was the villain. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. I want to grow and have a better mindset. I want to tackle issues with a low tone. I try not to raise my voice. I don't want my bad temper to ruin our life. You almost peed yourself the first time you saw me lose my temper. I try to be a mature man.
I learn that with different people, we have different journeys. It's difficult at first and still difficult. Sometimes it's me who ruins beautiful things. We have our own battles, but you handle them much better than I do. I always stumble here and there, saying a thousand apologies and still repeating mistakes. I am sorry if you find it hard to understand me. You have tried your very best.
I love you, all of you. There are times when I want to give up on you, but I always keep in mind that you never once gave up on me. You are patient with my moods. I should do the same for you. A real man will always take care of his ship and the people in it, no matter how challenging the hardships may be. You are my partner; let’s sail together and continue our journey.
Much love,
Abang
Toronto, Canada
August 11, 2024
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I wrote this a few hours before our intense argument, and I said some hurtful things. I'm truly sorry. I lost my temper.