I poured out my deep feelings that I had kept for nearly a decade in a long email. It made her sad and feel down. She said in a message, "Saya teruk betul ya..." I didn't intend to make her see herself as "bad" back then. No. I wrote the email while I was on board from San Jose to Singapore. I missed her badly, so I started writing. Sadly, I don't have many memories with her. I do have some, but I can't remember much. My mind keeps half of the memories, and it likes to store the bitter ones. They are still memories, but they are bitter. For me, at least I have something to remember, even if it hurts.
She loved me with all her capabilities, giving me the best she could. I saw that she gave me all she had. Maybe I wanted more and felt it was not enough, even though she had given me her very best.
Another issue arose, and now she misunderstood my words that I tried to explain. I hurt her even more…
Pattani Darussalam
June 18, 2024