Faham

"Sarapan simple hari ni. Abang malas. Nasi kukus sambal bilis. Roti bakar jem raspberry"

"Ayam goreng nak?"

"Tak nak"

"Goreng rempah?"

"Okey"

"Teh serai?"

"Boleh"

"Kenapa abang setuju pergi Krabi?"

"Malas nak gaduh"

"Cancel raya sana. Kita raya KL"

"Ara dah lama kan tak balik"

"Bukan dia tak faham mmm"

"Ara cakap dekat dia?"

"Ha'a"

"Laa kenapa cakap?"

"Ara tak mention deep. Dia dah dewasa, abang. Dah boleh faham"

"Nanti Ara pulak gaduh dengan dia"

"Gaduh dah"

"Hmm"

"Dulu kan, masa Baba kawin, Ara tak suka. Bonda terang satu per satu sampai Ara faham. Bonda suruh Baba kawin untuk jauhkan fitnah. Ceritanya Bonda fahamkan Ara. Ara cuba buat benda yang sama"

"Dia bukan tak faham. Bukan tak nak faham. Saja buat tak faham"

"Ara risaukan mental health abang"

"Abang okey je"

"Belum sampai Krabi"

"Hmmm"

Air apa?

"Abang nak apa?"

"Ara masak apa?"

"Abang nak makan apa?"

"Bagi abang pilihan kan senang"

"Kungfu ke sizzling?"

"Sizzy"

"Avocado / papaya / banana?"

"Betik tapi tak nak jus. Potong je"

"Air apa?"

"Air abang nak?"

*tunjuk pisau*

"Pisau mana lut nak potong batang kelapa hahahaha"

"Siap abang!"

"Siap dah ni. Tunggu azan je hehehe"

"Galok sungguh la ho"

A life for a life

Kalau ada yang bertanya, punya niat untuk berhenti - jawapannya ada. Niat asalnya sekadar untuk membalas perutusan namun yang terjadi sesuatu di luar jangkaan. Salahnya tidak pada orang lain kecuali diri sendiri kerana membuka ruang. Banyak perempuan yang hadir selepas Ara, tetapi tiada satu pun yang berjaya menggugat hati. Ara satu-satunya yang bertahta - dialah isteri, dialah kekasih, dialah sahabat, dialah. Dialah segala-galanya. Tak ada yang lain.

Setiap saat rasa bersalah ini hadir. Rasa bersalah yang sangat mendalam. Seorang suami harus setia pada isterinya. Tidak boleh membina ikatan lain apatah lagi berharap lebih pada yang bukan hak. Rasa yang hadir sukar di padam, ada kalanya tidak terbendung walau cuba di tahan. Adakalanya, perasaan itu berjaya di simpan rapi - di tutup kemas-kemas di dalam hati. Menduakan Ara, perempuan yang baik budi pekerti, taat dan mendengar kata sungguh zalim rasanya.

Jika di tanya, tidak terdetik di sudut hati mengambil yang kedua sebagai isteri? Jawapannya, ada. Dia isteri orang, berkahwin dengan lelaki yang sangat dia cintai. Setiap kali dia mengungkap kata sayang - "Sayang abang, sayang sangat" setiap kali itulah yang terlintas di balik fikiran "…tapi saya sayang dia lebih". Tentu saya berasa sedih tapi itulah hakikat. Saya mampu berpoligami tapi saya tak mampu jika perlu memilih. Saya tak mahu menjadi luka di hati seorang perempuan.

Berpisah dengannya sembilan tahun lalu, saya telah biasa hidup tanpanya. Saya tahu apa yang akan saya lalui; hari-hari sukar yang penuh dengan air mata. Saya tak pernah berpisah dengan Ara. Saya tak tahu apa yang akan saya lalui dan saya sama sekali tak mahu melaluinya. Saya tak mahu membina bahagia di atas air mata orang lain. Saya tahu sakitnya di khianati. Saya tak mahu orang lain merasai luka yang pernah saya alami. Deritanya sukar di ubati.

Saya tak mahu menjadi orang ketiga dalam rumah tangganya. Saya tak mahu menjadi punca retaknya sebuah hubungan - tapi saya tidak tahu cara untuk melangkah pergi. Saya tidak punya kekuatan untuk meninggalkan. Saya tahu perasaan ini salah. Tindakan ini juga salah. Segalanya salah. Kata orang, mencintai jangan pernah ada rasa untuk memiliki - tapi saya ingin hidup bersamanya. Saya tahu laluannya tidak mudah. Pasti banyak hati akan terluka. 

"Every decision for something is a decision against something else. A life for a life." 

— Unknown

Mei 1, 2024

Grammar

"Abang baca balik apa yang abang tulis lama dulu. Teruk grammar salah. Malu la"

"Banyak ke?"

"Banyak. Masa kena kanser, lepas pada tu pun, abang punya bahasa dah berterabur"

"Grammar tak penting. Yang penting apa yang abang tulis"

"Hmm rasa nak buang je semua"

"If it means a lot to you, keep it with you no matter how ugly your grammar. Grammar isn't important. What your heart feels is far more important"

Doa

"Abangggg"

"Ha"

"Jom la tidur"

"Abang nak solat hajat. Anak kawan demam panas. Dah banyak hari"

"Alaaa"

"Dua rakaat je"

"Kenapa abang nak susahkan diri?"

"Tak susah pun"

"Ada aje orang abang nak solat hajatkan"

"Orang di timpa musibah kenalah tolong"

"Alaa tapaya laa"

"Tidur sini. Tunggu abang solat"

"Abang ada solat hajat untuk kita tak?"

"Setiap kali Ara masuk court tunggu keputusan, abang selalu doa Ara menang"

"Kajang?"

"Kajang apa?"

"Abang ada buat untuk dia"

"Abang nak solat ni"

"Alaaa jawab laaa"

"Solat biasa je"

"Ye la apa dia"

"Masa dia nak exam, pergi travel dulu dengan kawan-kawan, masa dia masuk kerja hmm masa dia nak menikah, bersalin. Benda biasa je"

"Dia tahu?"

"Tak"

"Abang doa dia kerja. Dia jumpa orang lain. Adan uke abang hihihi"

"………"

"Sentappp"

"Mana ada sentap"

"Astu nangis"

"Tak"

"Tu mata. Alaa jangan la nangis. Sikit-sikit nangis"

"Abang nak solat"

"You have a heart from heaven that quickly forgives people. That's why I love you"

_

"2014 abang doa ni"

"Mmm…kita pulak yang sedih"

"Laa"

Melepaskan

"Satu masa nanti, awak pun kena lepaskan abang. Macam mana abang lepaskan awak dulu, macam tu la awak kena buat. Tuhan ajar kita untuk bercinta. Tuhan juga ajar kita untuk melepaskan"

"Melepaskan yang macamana...Kalau tak berjodoh...kenapa hati ni degil...."

Mei 16, 2024

Metaphysics

The Philosophy of Mathematics

The Problems of God

New Religious Movements

Bayu Sutera

"Saja tengok rumah dekat Palm Walk, Eugenia Hillpark, Jade Hills"

"Kejab kita Google"

"Ha"

"Abang cari gaduh ke? Dah lama tak gaduh kannn"

"Kajang Heights ke"

*baling bantal*

"Queensbury, Summerwoods nama macam Amerika"

"Marketing, bang"

"Arden Hill lawa…"

"Dekat mana?"

"Forest Heights, Seremban…"

"Pusing-pusing-pusing sana jugak abang nak"

"Hmm…sayang rumah S2 Heights tu…"

"Sayang rumah ke sayang orangnya?"

"Izara@Bayu Sutera. Bandar Sri Sendayan"

"Survey bertahun. Tak beli pun"

"Kalau beli nak balik raya senang. Sendayan-Melaka-Singapore. Balik Singapore - Melaka - Sendayan"

"Abang"

"Ha"

"Menung apa? Kita cakap, diam je"

"Ara cakap apa?"

"Eeeee" *pap pap pap*

Comfortable

"I feel very comfortable with you and I don't know why but I do" — Ara

May 17, 2024

Pilihan

Daddy tak tegur Huda. Huda tak tegur daddy. Kita tak ada hubungan yang baik selepas daddy berkahwin. Huda anak yang baik - tak pernah membantah, tak pernah tinggikan suara, tak pernah memberontak, tak pernah hempas pintu - semuanya berubah 6 tahun lepas. Daddy rindukan hubungan kita yang harmoni seperti dahulu. 

Daddy minta maaf tak dapat puaskan hati semua orang. Mungkin Huda belum faham sepenuhnya erti di sebalik keputusan yang daddy ambil. Melepaskan sangat sukar tapi itulah yang terbaik untuk semua pihak walaupun kita tidak menyenanginya. Kita punya kehidupan untuk di teruskan sesulit apa pun rintangannya.

Tidak ada manusia yang terlepas daripada membuat pilihan dalam hidupnya. Setiap dari kita akan menghadapi pelbagai masalah sebelum menjadi lebih matang dan dewasa. Kita di tawarkan dengan pelbagai pilihan sebagai solusi. Pilihlah dengan bijak kerana pilihan ini juga yang akan menentukan hala tuju kehidupan kita di masa akan datang. 

Jangan terlampau turutkan kata hati - ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa. Berpada-padalah dalam menurut telunjuk hati. Jangan kelak kita menyesal di kemudian hari. Hidup ini seketika sahaja. Hidup yang baik adalah hidup yang memberi manfaat kepada orang lain. Berusahalah membuat kebaikan kepada setiap insan yang hadir dalam hidup kita.  

"Some decisions cannot be walked away from and will affect you for the rest of your life." — Unknown

We can't rewind time

"Kenapa tangan?"

"Tumbuk besi"

"Sebab apa?"

"Habis satu botol baru buka tak tahu siapa buat jatuh"

"Sebab tu je?"

"3 hari straight macam-macam jadi"

"Benda kecik yang abang ingatkan sangat. Let go tak boleh ke?"

"Benda kecik apa? Semua benda tak kena"

"Abang marah anak. Salah kecik je. 40 ringgit punya pasal abang mengamuk"

"Sebelum tu 130"

"Tak ada rezeki nak buat macam mana? Allah tulis bukan rezeki kita, sabarlah. Benda dah jadi. Bukan mahal tara mana sangat. 180 je. Beli baru tak boleh ke? Tak payah marah-marah"

"Susah cakap dengan Ara"

"What's up with you?"

"A tiny dumb mistake drives me nuts"

"Your kids already said sorry. What more do you want? How much you want me to make up for what you lost?"

"Bukan sebab duit. Careless"

"Things happen. We can't rewind time. Once the oil's on the floor, it isn't going back into the bottle. What do you want them to do? Nothing can fix the oil now. Lately, you've been off. What's going on with you?"

"I dunno"

Relationship Struggles

Min,

I'm not feeling well. A few weeks ago, someone sent something like black magic my way. I feel sick and weak. I've done everything I know to free myself from it, and I think I'm now free from that influence. However, I still have a cough, sore throat, headache, and stomachache. Maybe it's because of the weather. 

I'm out of sorts. I've read life advice and relationship advice, but none of it helps. Actually, I don't know what I'm searching for. Being an unfaithful husband doesn't need a significant reason, does it? I don't talk much with my wife. I spend most of my time with my quadruplets playing games. 

My wife is the most understanding woman. She doesn't ask much when she knows I need some space. I have a very good lady, Min, but I've been disloyal behind her back, and that makes me unhappy. My heart doesn't feel calm. Do you know how it feels when someone betrays you? I once felt that way.

_

Last weekend, I took my family to El Salvador, which is not far from Costa Rica. We spent 3 days and 2 nights there. On Saturday morning, we went on a day trip to the Mayan ruins of Joya de Cerén, a UNESCO World Heritage Site known as the "Pompeii of the Americas."

In the afternoon, we continued our exploration by visiting the Tazumal ruins in Chalchuapa, another notable archaeological site in El Salvador with a rich history. The site revealed impressive structures and artifacts that provided insight into the past civilization.

El Salvador is blessed with an abundance of stunning beaches, each offering its own unique charm and beauty. After a day filled with historical discoveries, I decided to spend my evening at El Tunco, a picturesque beach destination known for its breathtaking sunsets

The following day was filled with unforgettable experiences as we embarked on a journey to explore the natural wonders and cultural gems of El Salvador. Our first stop was the breathtaking Lake Coatepeque, a stunning crater lake nestled amidst majestic mountains.

We then explored the charming town of Suchitoto, renowned for its colonial architecture and vibrant art scene. As we strolled through Suchitoto, we couldn't resist popping into the numerous art galleries that dotted the town, showcasing the works of talented local artists.

We didn't manage to visit the Metropolitan Cathedral and the National Palace. Nevertheless, it was still a joyful weekend well spent in El Salvador. Halal food isn't easy to find, but there are a few halal places to eat. The local cuisine here blends indigenous, Spanish, and African flavors.

Min,

I feel unhappy betraying my wife, but at the same time, if the other one isn't with me, I feel devastated. What should I do, Min?

Take care, Jules, wherever you are.

Lasting love

I wished for a lasting love, the love lasted, but the lover left. 

— Nizar Qabbani

Only Love

Waiting for the impossible

It's hard to let go when you are still waiting for the impossible to happen.

(Sara Naveed)

Book tracking apps

1. Goodreads

A well-known book-tracking app with a social component for discussing books and an annual reading challenge.

2. Bookly

A personal trainer app that tracks reading sessions and monitors your progress.

3. Basmo

A book tracker that protects your reading list and allows you to monitor your reading progress, among other features.

4. Turn

A reading tracker app that also functions as a library tracker and book tracker.

5. Bookshelf

An app that organizes all of your books, including details like author, page numbers, and publishing year.

6. Luna

A reading tracker that allows you to track your progress and obtain tailored reading statistics and information about any book.

7. Libib

A fantastic tool for book organizing that allows you to quickly back up your catalog and maintain your collection from a mobile device.

8. Litsy

A free social networking app that caters to book enthusiasts and is used for indexing, sharing, and reviewing books.

9. The StoryGraph

A book tracker modeled after Goodreads that can suggest books depending on novels you’ve read and your mood.

10. LibraryThing

A social networking platform that combines cataloging and social media, allowing you to categorize books into various groups and add tags.

These book tracking apps can help you monitor your reading habits and stay on top of your reading goals.

(Copy & Paste)

Embrace the journey

Just like a boat, life can take you to places you never imagined. Embrace the journey and enjoy the ride, because you never know where it might lead you.

(Unknown)

Timeless space

Even when we're far apart and time seems to work against us, there's a place where our love can always thrive. In this timeless space, we can find each other and stay connected. Let’s hold onto the hope that one day, we'll be together in a world where nothing can separate us.

(Unknown)

It's better to move on

Sometimes it's better to move on, than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand who you truly are. Unfortunately there will be times where your absence will teach you what your presence cannot.

You need to stop breaking your own heart in trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn't meant to work to begin with.

You can't force someone to genuinely care about you.

You can't force someone to be faithful to you.

You can't force someone to be the person you need them to be.

The truth is, sometimes the person you want the most is the same person you would be best without.

You have got to understand some things are meant to come into your life, just not meant to stay.

Everything that you do to show love, you have to be careful, not to lose yourself by trying to fix what should never been there in the first place. You can't get the relationship you need from someone who's not ready to reciprocate the love you give to them.

I know it's hard when you meet someone and your heart feels, that's the person you could spend an eternity with, and you start to accept that they are not that person you thought they needed to be.

And no matter how many times you cry yourself to sleep at night, you will eventually heal from your previous relationship and find the one you have always longed for. Your future will now bring an understanding of why things didn't work out in your previous relationships.

One thing I have learned throughout the years, is “It is better to be single than to be in a relationship settling for less.”

(Unknown)

The beauty of torment

Pills to help you sleep in peace

Long nights wasted in grief

Stomachaches burning like flames

And tears bursting out in rage,

That’s the kind of love

That you can’t get over

Because we could easily forget

The happy moments,

But never could we forget

The beauty of torment.

(NF)

Small things

Life is all about the small things. Looking up at the beautiful sky, watching an amazing movie, listening to some good music, reading a wonderful book, eating a delicious meal, having your favorite drink, feeling better after writing in your diary...

Simple things? Little moments? They're everything.

— Unknown

Rare and precious

Sometimes it's not the person you fall in love with, but the warmth of their presence, their authenticity, and their unwavering efforts. You fall for the memories you create together, the way they make you laugh, and the joy they bring to your life. You fall for their unwavering support and unconditional acceptance, for the way they stand by you through thick and thin, and for how they help you discover your own worth. These kind of people are rare and precious, and they help you fall in love with yourself when you're with them. Never let them go.

(Altaf)

Life needs to fall apart

Things go wrong. People leave. Hearts break. Stuff that you didn't want to happen, happens. Experiences that are out of your control hit you like a wall, and there's nothing you can do other than accept this phase of life. In those moments, it's hard to believe that life will be okay again. Because how can it be when everything is going wrong. But things have to get better, don't they?

Bad stuff happens in order for us to appreciate the good, and often things fall apart so that the pieces can join together in a new way-in the way that they were supposed to. Sometimes things go wrong because the patterns that existed were too toxic for us to continue. And because we refuse to step out of our comfort zone and accept what's meant for us the natural. laws, higher reality, god, they make that change for us.

But those pieces need to fall apart. We need to fall apart. Life needs to fall apart so that it can come together the way it was meant to.

(Unknown)

The bridge

Someone can be madly in love with you. and still not be ready. they can love you in a way you have never been loved. and still not join you on the bridge. and whatever their reasons you must leave. because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. you never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love. more love that you have never seen. out here in this wide and wild Universe. and there is the love that will be ready.

(Nayyirah Waheed)

I love you

I want you to know how precious you are to me, how loved you are, and how much I care for you. I love you even during those days you feel unlovable, or you're feeling down and out, I love you even in those moments you're not feeling yourself.

I love you in every way that I can, giving you the best of my love little by little, not wanting to drown you and make you feel like you're gasping for air. I love you for everything that you are, even if you may wonder why I've fallen deeply in love with you.

This ain't just for show, because I don't give my heart to just anyone, after everything I've been through, running away from it before; then there was you who made me feel and understand that I can still love, and then it was you I've fallen in love with.

I love you with all of my heart, my dearest love.

(Unknown)

Lucky

We’re not always lovable.

Sometimes we’re too stressed that we tend to

Shout, get uncontrollably angry,

Shut people out or disappear until we cool down

So appreciate the ones who love you even when you aren’t that lovable.

They’re not forced to accept you in such a state, yet they do, and they stay.

May we all have someone who loves us with all our moods. And if you do, you’re lucky.

(Shada Gamal)

We can't make someone stay

"Why do people always leave even after you gibe them your best?"

Sometimes you won't be able to make someone stay despite what you do for them. You may love them as deep as the ocean and care for them more than the way you care for yourself and still they'll find a way to exit. People leave because they want to. Because they had a choice between staying and leaving and they chose to leave.

It's a painful reality that we must accept. You can't force someone to stay by your side, no matter how much you want them to. The more you hold on to them, the faster they slip away. You can't cage someone by showing you love them. It's hard, finding someone who will stay despite it all. I know it is. But when someone wants to leave, don't beg them to stay. Let them leave. If they wanted to stay, they'd never think of letting you go. I know it scary how people can easily change when they don't want you anymore. But that's the truth, we can't make someone stay.

Sometimes people leave because their solitude is better than your company. Sometimes we are the toxic ones, sometimes we are the victims but whatever happens, I hope you remember to stop begging people to stay. The right ones won't flee.

(Unknown)

Love for the sunset

"I made a big mistake, and even if I apologize or fix my mistake, I can't turn back time. People won't see me as the same person"

"What did you do?"

"Even you will hate me"

"You are a good man"

"A good man will not be a good man forever."

"Wanna talk?"

"Abang sakit kepala. Tekak sakit"

"Just live your life. Don't be too serious about it"

"Macam mana?"

"Stop overthinking. Have fun. Leave your past behind unless you feel a void in your heart; nothing could make you content"

"Why you love sunset?"

"Sunset heals everything"

El Tunco, El Salvador

25-05-2024

Botol susu

Daddy: Tu daddy cakap tadi bagi Ibu botol susu. Ni siapa nak bancuh susu? Daddy tak larat

Hasha: Da da

Daddy: Haa sudah Ibu datang. Menyorok cepat

Hasha: *menyorok*

Ibu: Hasha mana, bang?

Daddy; Tadi ada sini

Ibu: Botol dia mana?

Daddy: Ada ni. Dia tak tahu ke mana

Ibu: Hasha, where are you?

Daddy: Buat je susu tak payah bebel. Anak bukan ada sini

Ibu: Abang pun sama

Daddy: Tak pasal abang pulak kena

Bersangka baik

"Biasa abang tak buat pun projek skala rendah. Dah dapat offer saja ambil. Tak sangka jadi macam ni"

"Astu kenapa buat?"

"Tuhan marah sombong dengan rezeki. Lepas ni tak ambil dah"

"Kita pun terkejut"

"Ada la tu apa-apa yang kita tak tahu Tuhan aturkan. Sangka baik je la"

"Husnozon sangat abang ni"

"Tuhan bagi berdasarkan sangkaan kita pada Dia, kan?"

"Ye la, tapi"

"Dah rugi tak boleh buat apa. Fokus pada yang lain"

"Abang…baby…bila nak dapat gaji CEO paling tinggi acam Hock Tan?"

"Keching je dan-dan panggil baby hahaha"

"Hihihi"

23.05.2024

If you forget me

When you remember me, it means that you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are. It means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us. It means that if we meet again, you will know me. It means that even after I die, you can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.

For as long as you remember me, I am never entirely lost. When I'm feeling most ghost-like, it is your remembering me that helps remind me that I actually exist. When I'm feeling sad, it's my consolation. When I'm feeling happy, it's part of why I feel that way.

If you forget me, one of the ways I remember who I am will be gone. If you forget, part of who I am will be gone.

— Frederick Buechner

Being a memorable soul

Be the kind of soul that others wish they could meet a thousand times.

(Unknown)

Let them go

Sometimes the hardest part of loving someone is that moment when you realize the best thing you could do for them is let them go.

(Unknown)

Leave nothing for later

Barely the day started and... it's already six in the evening.

Barely arrived on Monday and it's already Friday.

... and the month is already over.

... and the year is almost over.

... and already 40, 50 or 60 years of our lives have passed.

... and we realize that we lost our parents, friends.

and we realize it's too late to go back...

So... Let's try, despite everything, to enjoy the remaining time...

Let's keep looking for activities that we like...

Let's put some color in our grey...

Let's smile at the little things in life that put balm in our hearts.

And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left. Let's try to eliminate the afters...

I'm doing it after...

I'll say after...

I'll think about it after...

We leave everything for later like "after" is ours.

Because what we don't understand is that:

Afterwards, the coffee gets cold...

Afterwards, priorities change...

Afterwards, the charm is broken...

Afterwards, health passes...

Afterwards, the kids grow up...

Afterwards parents get old...

Afterwards, promises are forgotten...

Afterwards, the day becomes the night... Afterwards life ends...

And then it's often too late....

So... Let's leave nothing for later...

Because still waiting see you later, we can lose the best moments, the best experiences, best friends, the best family...

The day is today... The moment is now...

— Unknown

Tugas isteri

"Tugas isteri memanglah ada dua dalam Islam. Ihsan kalau isteri buat kerja rumah. Hukum wajib kalau suami suruh, tapi kalau isteri tak nak, contoh masak - tak boleh paksa. Tapi jangan la sampai ambil kesempatan. Kalau tak nak buat apa, ambil pembantu rumah. Selesai masalah"

"Dulu kita kerja tapi buat aje kerja rumah"

"Kadang tu malas. Memang jenis tak nak buat kerja rumah. Guna alasan tugas suami sekian sekian"

"Kannn"

"Huda tanya kenapa abang kemas. Dia tak tahu ke abang tengah persiapkan dua imam nak jadi ketua keluarga. Buat dah kawin apa tak nak buat, kesian menantu"

"Orang tua emang fikir jauh nau"

"Dari sekarang kena latih. Ajar tak boleh cakap, kena buat. Dia ikut contoh. Kita tak buat, kita suruh mana nak ikut"

"Aaaa bila kita nak dapat menantu? Macam seronok jadi nenda hihi"

"Cucu sebaya anak hahaha

Perfume of love

I hadn't told them about you,

But they saw you in my written words.

The perfume of love cannot be concealed.

— Nizar Qabbani

I will be waiting here

I will be waiting here for the grey sky to cry, for your suspicions to die, for you to really try.

I will be waiting here for the moments to pass, for the memories to last, for you to break the glass.

I will be waiting here for the ships to sail on the sea, for the clock to strike three, for you to believe in me.

I will be waiting here for your silence to break, for your soul to shake, for your love to wake.

I will be waiting here.

— Rumi

Eternal

Life can change in the blink of an eye, but love is eternal. 

 — Unknown

Healing

Sometimes the healing hurts more than the wound.  — Unknown

Life

You've got this life and while you've got it, you'd better kiss like you only have one moment, try to hold someone's hand like you will never get another chance to, look into people's eyes like they're the last you'll ever see, watch someone sleeping like there's no time left, jump if you feel like jumping, run if you feel like running, play music in your head when there is none, and eat cake like it's the only one left in the world!

(C. JoyBell C)

Bersosial

"Abang dah lama kan tak call Ary?"

"Haah"

"Ary tak call abang?"

"Ada, abang auto reject call dia"

"Kenapa?"

"Nantilah"

"Gaduh?"

"Tak"

"Astu?"

"Bukan Ara tak suka dia ke?"

"Kenapa abang pencilkan diri? Abang dah tak berkawan sekarang. Ada masalah cerita la"

"Tak ada apa"

"Astu Abang Pet? Tak call?"

"Ada mesej hari tu"

"Yang lain?"

"Nantilah"

"Call, bang. Berbual. Bersosial"

"Malas"

_

"Gila babi. Tuhan kasi kau sembuh kau curang ek"

— Ary

Tak sedap badan

"Ara…teman abang kejab"

"Belum okey?"

"Tak sedap badan banyak hari tapi kemarin lesu sangat"

"Dah makan ubat?"

"Rasa macam kena hentam. Tidur cukup. Sepatutnya tak macam ni. Pekerja mengadu ramai muntah darah"

"Jahat betul perangai. Kalau orang lain dah lama saman. Dah la tak bayar, sihirkan orang. Kenapa jahat sangat?"

"Kalau abang tak larat, Ara tolong mandikan abang.  Garam kasar dengan limau tapi air mandian belum baca ayat. Tak larat"

"Abang nak makan apa?"

"Tak ada selera. Dari pagi sakit perut"

Forgetting someone

There’s really no shortcut to forgetting someone. You just have to endure missing them everyday until you don’t anymore.

(Unknown)

Singo

"Nasi tomato, kari ayam, jelatah, acar buah. Power"

"Abang nak air apa?"

"Air masak cukup"

"Jus? Avocado? Carrot? Epal?"

"Tak payah la. Susah Ara je"

"Lima panah buleh bea?"

"Lima? Kalau sejuk singo. Kenapa panas tak singo?"

"Singo dale ute nuh"

Grow

Let people you love go, if it is the right thing to do. You have to give space to a flower in order for it to grow better; and often it needs not just cutting bushes but also some of its branches.

You have to cut some people out of your life if they hinder your growth. Even if they are dearest to you; and it is the hardest thing to do. You will feel the wounds after the trimmings; you will carry the scars and remember the people that were once attached to you; you will grieve that you did not choose them to stay.

After all the cutting of warped branches you will realize, many better things grow: greener leaves come out, more colorful blooms spring, stronger stems shoot.

You will meet new people, find greater opportunities and grow taller, deeper and firmer. Plot twist: all the things that were taken from you remained down your shade — the branches grew on its own, the people you have lost now become better on their own.

It is you who can decide to connect to them once again, because you are now ready and prepared to settle things the way you know about; to invest time and effort to the right places; and to love once more or find a new one that can bear you more fruits.

Grow, and grow where, when, and who you can grow better with.

(Unknown)

Love

If a million loved you, I am one of them, and if one loved you, it was me, if no one loved you then know that I am dead.

― Franz Kafka

Hardest days

Find someone who is sure of you. So sure that he or she will stay while you find your way into being the best version of yourself.

Settle with these kind of people. They know acceptance. They choose love over imperfection and growth over past mistakes. Lastly, they love patiently.

They will love you especially on your hardest days and on the days that you are being the hardest.

(Unknown)

True love

True love for many people is a myth, an illusion, a chimera, a fantasy. Yes, true love is indeed a fantasy, a daydream, a dream come true between two people. However, there is no love in today's world, there are not many lovers. There are an awful lot of couples who are supposedly in love, but theirs is not love.

Too many people perceive love as a commitment, as a need as a necessity, even as a fad. They simply suffer from a desperate need for vital energy, for Life from Being, and they try to get it in every possible way...

For them, the partner in a relationship is the ideal donor, he is obliged to "love" them, to shower them with all his attention, care and time, to be constantly at their disposal and to give them absolutely no reason for jealousy.

This is tyranny, and when it is practiced on both sides, things become downright impossible. Scenes, pathological jealousy, outbursts of aggression, scandals and what not are an integral part of the life of these "lovers", what's more, for them it's everyday life. They obsess over each other, suffocate, chain each other and sooner or later separate, for them a relationship is a cage for two, but Love can never be a cage or a prison...

When a person truly loves, he becomes part of the Universe, the Universe itself, in the full sense of the word. His heart begins to beat with her pulse, his thoughts (if there are exceptions) begin to flow to her rhythm. For the first time, he is truly aware of the world he lives in, sees harmony and beauty, sees the blooming rose, hears the birdsong, admires the sunrise and sunset. For him, time has stopped and every moment is an eternity, a blissful eternity. A man in love is incredibly pure and beautiful, he shines, he shines. It literally shines and illuminates everything around it, it is light and free, liberated. His steps are light, his gait graceful.

He admires the whole world and the whole world admires him. Love flows through him and spreads everywhere he goes, on everything he touches. The lover feels the need to love, not to be loved, he does not obsess over his partner, does not chain him, but simply loves him. He doesn't feel the need to change it because it's pointless, he loves it as it is. There is no binding or limitation, but liberation, breaking the limitations, the boundaries. Lovers have wings and fly, gravity does not apply to them, they float in the skies with the birds and dance with the clouds, the clouds dance with them. They sing listening to the beautiful song of the universe, and it itself joins them.

True love is not a myth, it is neither the first, nor the fifth, nor the tenth, nor the last. It is always one, always new and always unique, in every single moment... One can touch it and experience it several times in a lifetime, even with more than one partner. At different times in your life, you may love different people, and love them truly. However, one should be happy if he touches Love even once in his life, even just for a moment. Because when a person loves, the moment turns into eternity, even just this single moment is enough to make sense of an entire human life...

True love is not a myth, it is not a fairy tale about an imaginary prince or princess, yes the prince and princess are fiction, but Love is reality. One just loves and that much, there are no conditions, no barriers, no restrictions. There isn't even a cause or effect. Love is just there, it is elusive, unpredictable, effortless, spontaneous, infinitely beautiful and liberating.

Love happens to you, you can't cause it, you just rejoice when it appears and sing the song of the universe and every living thing comes to you….

—  Nekros

You & Me

I will always

be glad

for the moments

we’ve shared

and for the moments

we still have to share.

Waking up next to you

is a miracle:

Your skin; My skin

Your eyes; My eyes

Your hair; My fingers

Your paintings; My poems

Your piercings; My tattoos

Your overfeeling mind; My overthinking heart

Your fart in the middle of the night; My uncontainable laughter

Your soft yawn when you woke up;

My lips kissing your soul back to sleep;

My head on your chest;

Listening to the heart that taught me it’s okay to feel again.

― Juansen Dizon

Someone

Sometimes all you need is someone to listen. Someone who promises they’ll stay no matter what you’re going through. Someone who’s listening for the sake of understanding not replying I pray we find that someone because at times the burden becomes too heavy.

(Shada Gamal)

Life will break you

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and being alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You have to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes too near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.

(Louise Erdrich)

Punai

"Semalam macam nak jadi tapi abang tepis. Hari ni datang lagi. Tepis pun datang jugak"

"Jangan fikir"

"Kita pergi Mumbai. Abang turun Goa kejab. Ara nak stay Mumbai ke Pune?"

"Rindu Pune"

"Pune je? Pune-nai abang tak rindu hahaha?"

*pap pap pap*

Safety

"What is the best feeling in the world?"

Safety.

Despite your bad moods, they stay. Even when you're having a hard day, they stay. And when you can't find the right words to say, they understand and stay. Nothing's better than knowing that someone will stay no matter how rough it gets.

(Unknown)

A person

It's not about the money, the luxurious life or material things. It's all about the person who you want to be with the rest of your life. A person who is willing to be with you no matter how hard the situation is, and the person who is willing to be with you no matter how difficult the life is.

(Unknown)

Selongkar

"Abang mengantuk sangat. Ingat nak baring kejab je lepas mandi"

"Seksi tau"

"Kenapa tak gerak?"

"Kalau bangun mesti tak tidur"

"Best kan selongkar abang?"

"Perasan ehhh"

Not a child

Adam: Bye Luq, D, Sha and Sha

Umar: Bye Luq, Danny, Caca and Icha

Huda: Bye Luq, Dan, Lily and Hash

Daddy: Macam- macam nama ada

Adam: Bye Ibu!

Ibu: Bye Ad! Take care

Umar: Bye-bye Ibu

Ibu: Bye boy!

Huda: Bye Ibu!

Ibu: Bye Aira!

Adam: Daddy! Bye-bye!

Daddy: Bye!

Umar: Bye daddy!

Daddy: Bye!

Huda: Bye Di!

Daddy: Nak pergi mana?

Huda: Library

Daddy: Dengan siapa?

Huda: Kawan

Daddy: Siapa nama kawan?

Huda: Ibu!!!

Daddy: Siapa nama kawan?

Huda: Ibu tahu

Daddy: Daddy tak tahu. Nak daddy track phone?

Huda: Umm annoying la

Daddy: Apa yang annoying? Daddy tanya, jawab

Huda: Mitch, Ella and Rick

Daddy: Tak susah pun kan. Pukul berapa balik?

Huda: Ummm

Daddy: Pukul berapa?

Huda: 3

Daddy: Okey

Huda: I'm not a child

Daddy: I know

Huda: I'm 19

Daddy: You're 19, 29, 39, or even 59. You're my kid

Huda: So boring

Daddy: Hmmm

_

Ibu: He's not trying to control you, just curious about where you're going and who you're with, that kind of stuff. My dad used to do the same thing. Your father does everything that fathers typically do. Say sorry to your dad

Huda: Sorry, daddy

(tt)

Sub-bandar

"Abang nak bawa Ara pergi SWAT Valley tapi tak boleh sebab perempuan dekat sana tak boleh keluar rumah. Restoran pun tak terima perempuan masuk"

"Abang suka bawa remote area. Abang tahu tak, kita cucu tan sri tak suka debu. Bangsar bubble tau"

"Nak pindah nanti ni kita duduk sub-bandar. Rumah dekat tasik. Tak pun anak sungai. Hutan sikit. Boleh tak?"

"Alaaaa"

"Dalam 25-35km dari pusat bandar. Tak jauh"

"Airport jauh, mall jauh alaaaa"

"Kalau boleh mall tu sebelah rumah je"

"Mesti la. Senang beli barang"

"Orang beli siakap seekor RM 12. Awak beli RM 85"

"Ungkit la sampai kiamattt"

H for Hara

"Relax je dia tengok bola macam dah habis exam"

"Dah habis la, bang. Haish orang tua ni. Lupa aje"

"Laa. Patut abang tak ingat paper apa ada lagi. Dia bagitahu paper penting je. Chem HL, Bio HL, Fizik SL. 4HL 2SL, kan?"

"Dah habis exam baru nak tanya"

"Dah bagitahu 3 je. Yang lain tak cakap"

"Dia tak nak serabutkan kepala abang"

"Patut la kemas bilik. Dah habis exam"

"Simpan semua buku siap"

"Okey ke exam tu?"

"InshaAllah okey. Anak abang, kan?"

"Abang nak dia masuk Stanford"

"Astu first degree kenapa tak masuk sana?"

"Ummi yang pilih. Abang tak nak"

"Astu sekarang nak paksa anak?"

"Susah cakap dengan Ara. Baik cakap dengan kembar. A for Apple, B for hmm, B apa eh? Ball ke? C for? Aduh lupa"

"C for Cat. D for Donkey. E for Egg, F for Fish, G for Giraffe, H for Hara, Hara for Imran. Imran not for Kajang, sorry hihihi"

"Ada je dia"

Lemas

"Biar dia orang main dekat kebun. Jalan jatuh, jalan jatuh"

"Abang nak tengok aje?"

"Haah. Abang panggil nanti semua datang"

"Kotor baju"

"Biar"

"Astu campak anak dalam kolam acam baling barang"

"Memang macam tu ajar anak berenang"

"Penat tau kita mengandung. Campak anak acam tu je"

"Dah memang cara macam tu"

"Lemas macam mana?"

"Tak"

"Mana abang tahu?"

"Nanti abang campak Ara tengok lemas ke tak"

"Menyampah la abang ni. Dah la. Kita nak masuk"

Picture

The people we don't have a picture with are the best.

Mengata

"Dia mengata kita keeee?"

"Entah hahaha"

(tt)

Wonderful day

We had a wonderful day walking around the city. It was spring season, and the landscape looked so cool and fantastic. The kids enjoyed running in the city park, as happy as always. We then went to The Mysterious Bookshop, the oldest mysterious bookstore in the world. Ara seemed to have fallen in love with this bookshop. She browsed books from one shelf to another. We couldn't stay too long there as I had an appointment with a designer to tailor my suits and a dress for Ara that afternoon. We had an upcoming event in Mumbai, and I wanted her to look like a million-dollar woman dressed to kill.

(Undated note)

Akhlaq

Akhlaq is so important. We may not get to choose our appearance, but we definitely get to choose our character and the way we are. Qualities that resides in your heart will always overpower the qualities of your appearance.

(Unknown)

Mistake

Cheese is more valuable than both yoghurt and milk.

And if grape juice turns sour, it transforms into wine, which is even more expensive than grape juice.

You are not bad because you made mistakes. Mistakes are the experiences that make you more valuable as a person.

Christopher Columbus made a navigational error that made him discover America. Alexander Fleming’s mistake led him to invent Penicillin.

Don’t let your mistakes get you down. It is not practice that makes perfect. It is mistakes we learn from that makes perfect!

(Unknown)

Ikhlas

Keikhlasan itu di uji saat ini. Saat kita tahu kita bukanlah yang paling dia cintai.

(tt)

Deewani Mastani

Kerja rumah

Umar: Kenapa Kakak kemas bilik?

Daddy: Bagus la Kakak kemas. Esok kawin senang

Umar: Ada ke orang nak Kakak? Siapa yang malang tu?

_

Beberapa hari lepas…

Daddy: Study dalam bilik pun nak melawa

Huda: I'm always pretty

Daddy: Pretty tak guna kalau malas kemas rumah. Laki suka rumah teratur, bersih, kemas

Huda: Doing house chores isn't just for women. It's not about gender

Daddy: Habis nak suruh laki kemas?

Huda: Why daddy kemas rumah?

Daddy: Okey, Kakak menang

Umar: Cantik tapi rumah busuk hohoho

Huda: You shut up!

Kopi satu teko

"Ara masak apa?"

"Abang tak tidur?"

"Dah. Setengah jam"

"Coffee?"

"Ara je boleh?"

"Aip!"

"Semalam tengok bunga api teringat Gaza"

"Ara jumpa satu tempat jual. Cuban beef, Mexican rice, chicken with sweet and sour sauce. Semua macam sedap. Rambang mata"

"Pilih lauk macam nak kenduri"

"Janji, abang wajib makan. Last time kurus keding sampai rumah"

"Janji. Selagi ada makanan"

"Good boy"

"Kopi satu teko. Nak melayan perempuan-perempuan. Cakap mesti lama"

Kambing menari

"Tak nak tidur ke dia orang ni, Ara?"

"Anak abang, kan"

"Amboi senangnya jawapan"

"Astu abang baca buku cerita siap menjiwai watak anak segar mata"

"1,2,3 kambing biri-biri. Kambing menari, anak daddy main guli"

"Abang menyanyi anak yang gelak"

Da da da

"Da da da"

"Cantik kan, bulan? Terang tapi kita boleh tengok dari jauh je. Tak boleh pegang"

"Da da da"

"Jom masuk. Malam dah. Budak-budak kena tidur. Daddy nak sambung kerja"

"Da da da"

"Di di di"

"Di"

"Pandai. Esok kita main lagi. Sini daddy dukung"

*lari*

"Laa nak pergi mana pulak"

Simple BBQ

"Cantiknyaaa"

"Cantik"

"Anything special?"

"Saja nak tengok bunga api"

"Pelik la abang ni. New Year tak nak tengok"

"Ni khas untuk Ara"

*senyum*

"Abang sayang Ara dunia akhirat…"

*sandar*

_

Watching fireworks with my wife and kids, we had a simple BBQ tonight. We saw bursts of light and colors, but with no sound as our animals are scared of the fireworks. It was a delightful night.

Perempuan

Daddy: Adam dengan Umar petang ni tolong daddy setup bunga api. Kita nak makan apa malam ni?

Adam: BBQ

Daddy: Lain?

Umar: Pizza

Daddy: Nak BBQ apa ayam tak perap

Adam: Ibu perap daging

Daddy: Umar nak pizza je?

Umar: Perempuan dalam rumah kita diet, daddy

Adam: Kenapa perempuan suka kurus?

Umar: Cantik

Daddy: Dah memang fitrah perempuan macam tu. Diet sepanjang tahun. Kurusnya tidak

Umar: Betul, daddy

Adam: Tapi Ibu kurus

Umar: Rumah kita gempa bumi kalau berat Ibu naik

Daddy: Amboi! Mengata tak ingat dunia

Adam: Perempuan sentiasa PMS, Babang

Daddy: Ni satu lagi. Terlebih memahami perempuan

Adam: Hehehe

Syak

"Betul-betul syak bini ada orang lain" 

"Hmm...pernah kena tanya jugak...2 kali...sebelum bulan puasa dulu...tapi lepas tu takde tanya lagi dah... Hmm...sebab saya mula melayan lagu sambil buat kerja rumah...dulu kemas ke, melipat ke...diam aje...sekarang sambil dengar lagu...hmm...yang asyik sampai rumah lambat, lagi-lagi dari klinik yang macam sekangkang kera aje dari rumah, tak sampai 10min pun...hmm..."

Reality

I waited 7 years to get a chance to get to know her.

I waited another 6 years to get a chance to build a life with her.

I waited 9 years just to hear that she finally realizes she loves me deeply.

Why am I still waiting if she isn't meant for me?

I'm simply exhausted from hoping and waiting.

And reality is just too cruel sometimes…

May 15, 2024

Ujian untukku

Janganlah di letakkan apa saja kekesalan di hatinya sebesar zarah sekalipun. Sungguh, kadang-kadang aku marah dengan takdir ini - takdir yang membuatkan dia sering salah sangka dengan diriku tapi bukan salah dia. Dia tak bersalah sedikit pun. Aku mencintainya sepenuh hati, segenap jiwa raga tapi dia milik orang. Sakitnya hati melihat dia bersama orang lain tak terbendung rasanya namun takdir tidak dapat di ubah. Masa tak merubah apa-apa. Maafkan dia wahai Tuhan, dia tak tahu, banyak yang dia tak tahu. Hatinya bersih, jiwanya suci. Janganlah Kau letakkan beban di hatinya. Dia perempuan yang baik, sangat telus dalam mencintai. Jika dia tergelincir, ampunkan dia - kembalikan dia ke jalan yang lurus. Pelihara dia dari segala malapeta dunia dan kejahatan manusia, jin, iblis dan syaitan. Aku mencintai dia, melepaskan dengan rela dan dia kembali. Kalau pun sampai akhir kami di jodohkan bersama, berilah dia seluruh kebahagiaan yang ada di atas dunia ini untuknya kerana aku sangat sayangkan dia.

Inilah ujian, sebesar-besar ujian untukku.

Omar Mosque and Islamic Center of Costa Rica

16 Mei 2024, 12.02 pm

Flower crown

"Darling, where did you get this flower crown?"

"Buat masa turun tengok madu"

"Cantik"

"Ara panggil abang apa tadi?"

"Darling"

"Ye sayang" *senyum*

"Eee geram!" *picit hidung*

Masuk gelanggang

"Ada ke tak hujan. Penat abang tunggu"

"Hihi abang yang hujan"

"Ara buat"

"Abang tu"

"Abang jahat eh haha"

"Mengada"

"Nak eskrim?"

"Tamau"

"Hazelnut ada abang beli"

"Dah kenyang"

"Kenyang makan abang, kan?"

"Eee abang ni. Perasan la"

"Ara tidur. Abang nak solat. Dada sakit sikit"

"Abang…"

"Hmm?"

"Terima kasih"

"Berpeluh. Hangat betul malam ni masuk gelanggang"

"Masammm"