Wednesday, January 31, 2024

Now and forever

Hi babe,

Did you get a peaceful sleep? I hope so. Go to bed, no matter how hard life puts you down. Don't think too much, or you're going to be like me. I haven't gotten a peaceful sleep for a decade. Life doesn't have mercy on me, but perhaps life does have mercy on you. Lie down, close your eyes, and let your body rest.

Good night, dear love. Abang will always love you, now and forever.

I love you.


xoxo

Jawapan selamat

"Sunset ke bulan yang cantik?"
"Sunsets are beautiful, just like the moon. The difference lies in the eyes of the beholder."
"Jawapan selamat kan hihi"
"Haha tak la"


Panggilan telefon
30-01-2024

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Depression

"Waking up was tough because I didn't want to face a day that seemed like everything was okay, because it was not. I thought about keeping a smile and giving energy to the people around me to overcompensate and show that everything was okay, or that I was feeling okay. I think it was extremely exhausting." 

— Deepika Padukone

"Kita tengok semua Interview dia. Gigih kita catat satu-satu apa dia cakap"
"Sebab dia cantik kannn"
"Kita nak tahu punca dia depression la"
"Eleh"
"Tak suka dia berlakon Pathaan. Seksi sangat. Tak pernah dia pakai macam tu. Filem baru pun pakai seksi jugak"
"Mana abang tahu?"
"Tengok music video"
"Bila nak tengok filem?"
"Tiga jam…lama…habis masa. Kena betul-betul free baru boleh. Malas tengok buang masa"
"Tak nak ya udah"
"Hahahaha"


Panggilan telefon
29-1-2024

Love is madness

"Abangggg janji sunset"
"Ada ni"
"Abang, may I ask a question?"
"Apa dia?"
"Alaa soalan tak muncul"
"Laa"
"What did Spinoza say about life?"
"Kejab. Kain terselak"
"Haip!"
"Tak sengaja. Terrrr"
"Jangan alih perhatian kita"
"Spinoza, magnum opus dia Ethics. Kerangka idea dia ada 6 kalau tak salah - The Pursuit of Knowledge, God or Nature, Conatus, Emotional and Intellectual Life. Dua lagi abang tak ingat"
"Let's talk about emotions"
"Kita pilih satu - The Power of Reason. Bagi Spinoza, akal memainkan peranan yang penting dalam mengendalikan emosi. Dengan menggunakan akal, manusia dapat memahami dunia secara menyeluruh termasuklah the causes of our emotions. Melalui pemikiran rasional, kita dapat menilai dan merangka semula emosi kita dengan harapan ia akan membawa kepada kehidupan yang lebih baik dan penuh kegembiraan"
"Tapi cinta tak rasional, kan?"
"Tak"
"You have been rejected by the same girl six times, and she chose some other guy, but you still have feelings for her. There's no rationality in that at all"
"You can't be rational and in love at the same time. Love is madness. Love is an emotion that we can't control. It's beyond our control. Love is an addiction. If you're not addicted to the person you love, you are not in love. It's simple. Forget about the differences and all the details. The key is that person who gives you such an indescribable emotion"
"In your hands, love becomes so magical and beautiful, like sunsets"


Panggilan telefon
29-01-2024

Earphone

Sayang, masih bawa earphone dalam kereta? Kalau mengantuk, berhenti lelapkan mata sebab abang tak dapat teman awak memandu seperti waktu dahulu.
. . .

And the writing is still : to you, with you, about you, because of you and for you. ― Nizar Qabbani

Nov 20, 2016
_

"Nak drive? Ada earphone?"
"Loudspeaker blh"


Jan 29, 2024

Kucing manja

"...awak carik kucing manja tu dulu ke?"
"Eh ingat hahaha"
"Hehehe ingat laa...."


30.01.2024

Laki mana?

Kakak: Ibu! Ibu!
Ibu: Just a minute, okay? I'm on the phone with your dad
Kakak: Ibu tengah cakap dengan laki Ibu ke? Kakak pun nak cakap dengan laki Kakak hehe
Ibu: Daddy awak dengar, Ibu tak dapat bantu
Daddy: Daddy dengar ni. Laki mana tu?


Panggilan telefon
29-01-2024

Balik KL

"Nak pindah balik KL?
"Tiberr"
"Kalau balik KL, Ara boleh kerja kalau nak"
"Tiberrrrr"
"Kalau rindu Bonda dekat sikit nak balik. Bonda boleh tengok cucu dia selalu"
"Kita kan selalu balik KL"
"Abang tanya je"
"I'm ready to sacrifice everything once I make the choice to marry you. I know I'll be living far from my family and may need to quit my job, but I'm happy here"
"Terima kasih, Ara"
"And macam la abang boleh duduk KL"
"Boleh cuba"
"Di mana suami berada, di situ tempat isteri. Ke gurun ku ikut denganmu"
"Pandai dah sekarang tapi kena nyanyi baru best"
"Kita tak nak pindah. Abang tu balik KL aje pergi Kajang. Letih tau kita nak jaga abang"
"Eh abang pulak"
"Ha'a"
"Sebab abang ke Ara tak nak pindah KL?"
"A part of"


Panggilan telefon
29-01-2024

Bahasa hati

"Selalu tengok sunset dulu?"
"……"
"Mesti dekat pantai, kan?"
"……"
"Sambil makan air krim eh?"
"……"
"Jawab la. Nak tahu"
"Sibuk je"
"Haah. Banyak masa hari ni nak sibuk"
"Tapaya tahu la"
"Pakai baju sedondon eh?"
"Tak tahu"
"Mesti senyum kan tengok sunset sama-sama"
"……"
"Rezeki Allah bagi. Bukan semua orang dapat menikmati dengan orang tersayang. Buat apa nak marah. Hati dia pun Allah yang jaga. Allah sengaja gelincirkan hati dia pada orang lain. Allah nak uji reaksi kita - marah ke, sedih ke, kecewa ke. Boleh sabar tak? Boleh maafkan tak? Dendam tak? Benci tak?"
"……"
"Ara beruntung sebab Allah hadirkan kenangan. Benci pun tetap ada sayang. Marah pun tetap ada cinta. Takkan sama dengan yang kedua - kedua, dia banyak kekurangan, walaupun sempurna hati tetap pilih yang pertama. Pertama kali sayang, pertama kali jatuh cinta, pertama kali keluar berdua…"
"……"
"Setiap orang rindu pada satu nama tapi Allah tak takdirkan untuk hidup bersama…sedih kan…"
"……"
"Jauh mana pun Ara lari, dia tetap ada dalam hati. Takkan hilang…"
"Abang…"
"Dah…jangan nangis"
"Sakit abang…"
"Tahu…"
"Sakit sangat"
"Memang sakit sangat…Abang kan… tak kisah pun kalau berat Ara naik. Abang tak suka Ara diet teruk sangat. Ara jaga badan untuk Ara. Jangan jaga untuk abang sebab abang bukan Haff. Abang tak kisah berat Ara"
"Mmm mmm mana abang tahu?"
"Haff tak suka berat Ara naik, kan? Belum kawin dah sibuk suruh jaga badan"
"Mmm mmm"
"Semua orang cantik mengikut keunikan masing-masing. Hot pun cantik. Putih pun cantik. Gelap pun cantik. Hitam manis pun cantik. Kuning langsat pun cantik.Semua cantik. Beza pada pesona je"
"Mmm mmm"
"Tinggi ke rendah ke kurus ke chubby ke gemuk ke semua cantik. Kan Allah jadikan"
"Mmm mmm"
"Tu semua tarikan fizikal je. Jangan kita mudah tertipu. Yang kira perlukan hati dia, cara dia berfikir, taakulan dia tentang sesuatu isu, cakna dia pada idea. Benda macam tu yang buat manusia jadi menarik"
"Mmm…mmm"
"La feuille tombe à terre, ainsi tombe la beauté -- The leaf falls to earth, so also does beauty"
"Mmm mmm"
"Kajang sana tu cantik walaupun dia gempal je. Rendah je. Masih tetap mempersonakan mata abang. Teringat pun dah senyum"
"Abanggg kenapa diam?'
"Penat bagi kuliah"
"Ngada"
"Betul ke Latin abang cakap tadi tu"
"Entah. Kita fasih bahasa hati abang je"
"Amboi!"


Panggilan telefon
29-01-2024

Blur

"Abang blur"
"Tarik nafas. Relaks"
"Okey"
"Where are your pills?"
"Beg"
"Makan ubat, sayang"
"Bunyi apa tu?"
"Abang buat tak dengar"
"Okey"
"Jangan keluar bilik. Ara tak nak abang sesat"
"……"
"Do you hear me?"
"Okey"
"Calm down. Take it easy"
"Abang takut"
"I'm here"
"Jangan tinggal abang"
"I will never let you go"

_

"Abang blur hari tu Ara tak cakap pun. Kalau tak jumpa audio masa nak delete nesti tak tahu"
"Kenapa delete? Kita nak dengar"
"Freeing up storage"
"Abang tu senua benda rakam. Call rakam. Dekat rumah rakam"
"Tak semua hehe"
"Abang jangan eh berani nak rakam"
"Hehe tak. Terakam dah delete dah"
"Eleh"
"Apa singa garang"
"Singa malas layan"
"Nanti kita balik jinakkan singa"
"Bila entah nak balik"
"Bulan 2"
"Telur abang apa cerita?"
"Ha? Telur abang? Okey hahahahaha"
"Abanggggg!"
"Tak ada stok. Hari ni last"
"Alaa kesiannya"
"Tak nak cakap pasal tu. Something terrible happened today"
"We'll catch up later, aight?"
"Jangan tinggal abang"
"I promise I will always be here"


Panggilan telefon
26-01-2024

Monday, January 29, 2024

Lutt Putt Gaya


 

"Hee biar la. Abang nak menari dengan kembar"
"Hindi la anak saya, bang"
"Nak menari zapin. Team dah cukup"
"Nak tambah lagi tak?"
"Eh cukup dah haha"
"Dua lagi laaa"
"Kita tunggu cucu bila Huda kawin"
"Alaa cucu pulak dia ni"


Panggilan telefon
29012024

"I'm okay"

She says a lot of "I love you" that I lose count like the stars in the sky. That girl... is not really a happy girl now. There is sadness in her heart that no one knows about. She keeps it to herself. If she were truly happy, she wouldn't deny it by saying "I'm good", "I'm okay." These words are only for people burdened by sadness. They use them to smile while battling their own feelings, and it is exhausting.

Happy Anniversary, sayang. I love you, too…

28-01-2024

Your laughter

Hey, you. Your laughter is so lovely and pure. It makes all the stars smile too.

Slow down

You work from 7 am to 7 am the next day. Maybe it's your natural work rhythm, but I don't like it. Then you say you want to cook and clean the house without taking any naps. Learn to slow down, sayang. Leave things as they are for now. They won't go anywhere - you can clean them later. I know you're tired, really tired. I hope I've made you smile and ease whatever is in your heart.

Pemilik hatiku


 

Jangan pernah meragui kasih sayang abang pada awak dan abang tak pernah merasa ragu cinta awak pada abang. Abang percaya awak sangat sayangkan abang. Dan abang juga tahu awak lebih dari tahu yang abang sangat mengasihi awak. Ia cinta yang sangat manis. Tumbuh secara perlahan-lahan dan hidup subur buat seketika hinggalah bermacam rasa tak puas hati antara kita muncul. Dunia kita sangat berbeza malah citarasa kita tak pernah sama tapi itulah sebenarnya yang menjadikan cinta kita sangat indah bila di kenang, sangat manis untuk di simpan di dalam hati.

Jan 28, 2016
_
Selamat Ulang Tahun, pemilik hatiku. 

Sunday, January 28, 2024

Matamu

"I wanna tell you "i love you" in all of the world's languages. But the best way to tell it is thru the language of my eyes..."
"Dalam matamu, aku menemukan segala keindahan dunia."


27.01.2024

Tazkirah

"Kita settle order ni dulu sebab nak pakai corong tu"
"Akaun mana?"
"Akaun 5 eh 4"
"Kenapa tak guna duit zakat?"
"Eh Ara tak transfer lagi bulan ni?"
"Belum"
"Bayar. Nak habis bulan dah"
"Kita ingatkan abang nak guna duit tu"
"Tak. Duit zakat jangan usik. Tu memang hak asnaf. Barang ni kita niat sedekah. Yang kita belanja ni yang nak bawa masuk kubur. Yang simpan tak bantu kita dekat sana"
"Tazkirahkan kita dah dia hihi"


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2024

Ngeri

"Sebab? Sebab apa eh?"
"Mengada la abang ni"
"Orang kata "I can fight 100 men who want you, but I can't fight a guy you want". Haa macam tu"
"Mmm mmm"
"Kenapa? Ara rasa rugi pilih abang yang tak ada effort untuk Ara?"
"Tak la. Kita nak tahu je"
"Abang minta maaf pasal birthday tu. Abang lupa sangat. Abang janji tak buat lagi"
"Tak nak cakap pasal tu"
"Jujur memang abang tak susah nak dapat Ara. Tak adil, kan? Tapi di sebalik "abang tak kisah, abang tak peduli, abang tak ambil tahu, abang malas fikir…"
"The one who seems careless cares the most, kan?"
"Tapi kan actions speak louder than words"
"No, no, no. Jangan. Serik Ara"
"Laa kenapa?"
"Abang jangan buat-buat lupa. Actions abang tu"
"Abang tak ingat"
"Ngeri sampai sekarang eee tak nak ingat la. Seram. Bunyi tu. Eee sakitnya"
"Bunyi apa?"
"Abangggg"
"Dah abang lupa"
"Kaki"
"Ooo tu"
"Eee sakitnya"


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2024

Reject

"Sekali je dia ajak. Ara tak nak"
"Sekali kena reject dah give up"
"Ha'a"
"Abang dulu 6 kali"
"Abang pernah kena reject? Siapa reject abang?"
"Kajang sana je berani reject abang"
"Reject 6 kali astu cancel terus hihihi ciannnn"
"Eyy"


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2024

YM

"Tak payah la YAM tu. Tak suka. Suruh dia ubah"
"Kalau Ku Ariff tak letak YM mengamuk dia"
"Mamat beria tu?"
"Ha'a"
"Asal Ara tak suka dia?"
"Bajet la dia tu"
"Keluar date tak?"
"Takkkk. Sorry sikit"
"Ala tanya pun marah"
"He didn't give me the vibe you gave me"
"What vibes did I give you?"
"Entah. Lupaaa. Kita kan dah tua macam abang hihihi"
"Eh"


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2024

Ngorat

"Bila eh abang ngorat kita? Ada ke? Tak ada pun. Sedih kita"
"Laa"
"Semua laki ngorat kita kecuali abang mmm mmm"
"Kenapa awak tak ngorat kita?"
"Kita old girls"
"Lupaaaaa"
"Menyampah kita"
"Hahahaha"


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2024

Sepotong bahagi dua

"Bukan abang tak ambil tahu hal birthday Ara cuma dalam Islam kita tak boleh sambut birthday cara macam tu. Lagipun dalam Islam, tarikh lahir dan umur tak boleh bagitahu orang. Perlu di rahsiakan. Abang minta maaf buat Ara sakit hati, kecil hati dengan cara abang. Kita sambut dengan doa selamat, buat charity boleh? Islam galakkan buat macam tu sebagai tanda kita ingat umur kita semakin singkat"
"Kenapa abang tak cakap awal?"
"Sebab tu abang suka beli kek bila-bila abang nak beli. Tak payah makan masa birthday"
"Bila abang nak belajar makan kek?"
"Sepotong bahagi dua boleh?"
"Sikitnya"
"Cukup la. Kalau Ara suap lagi tambah manis"
"Eleh"
"Ara mesti tak happy dapat abang yang tak romantik ni"
"Ara belajar sayang abang dengan cara abang macam abang sayang Ara dengan cara Ara"
"Dulu kek Ara berapa tingkat?"
"7"
"Amboi tingginya"
"11 paling tinggi"
"Ada tinggi lagi. Tak jatuh ke?"
"Tak la"
"Abang bukan Haff. Abang tak boleh jadi macam dia"
"Kita tak nak abang jadi dia"
"Ara jangan tinggal abang. Abang cuba perbaiki diri"
"Kita yang mengada"
"Ara nak apa? Abang belikan"
"Kita nak abang balik. Kita dah rindu"
"Awal bulan abang balik, okey?"
"Balik tau"
"Siap bilik kan"
"Itu aje abang tahu. Menyampah kita"
"Hahahahaha"


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2024

The worst feeling ever

Tuhan, hadiahkan aku seorang perempuan yang boleh aku jadikan teman di setiap detik dalam hidupku, yang menunjuk jalan ketika aku buntu, menegur ketika aku membuat salah, penguat ketika aku lemah dan penenang ketika aku resah gelisah. Hadiahkan aku seorang perempuan sebagai pelengkap hidupku kerana tanpanya aku kesunyiaan. Fitrah lelaki perlukan seorang teman seperti Adam perlukan Hawa.

Tentu, janji manis-Mu tak pernah mungkir seperti yang termaktub dalam Surah al-Anfal ayat 70 “Jika Allah mengetahui ada kebaikan di dalam hatimu, niscaya Dia akan memberikan yang lebih baik dari apa yang telah diambil darimu". Bila Kau ambil sesuatu yang paling aku sayang - Kau berjanji pengantinya sesuatu yang lebih baik.

Aku menunggu dengan sabar. Buat rusuk kiriku, kita masih belum bertemu dan entah siapa yang bakal Tuhan hantarkan untukku. Sungguhpun begitu, aku tetap mahu ucapkan “Selamat datang rusuk kiriku, bidadari syurga hatiku. Dampingilah aku tanpa jemu”.

_

"Melting hati kita tau"
"Masa ni belum pergi Kino. Abang pergi sebab susah beli online. Sekarang dah senang sebab Ara ada. Satu dunia punya buku boleh beli"
"Kelakar je tak reti guna online banking "Boleh tolong beli buku abang tak?". Kita macam… abang ni baru keluar gua ke apa hihihi"
"Eyy bab mengata abang laju je"
"Why January 28th? Is there something special 'bout the date?"
"Bila-bila kita boleh doa"
"Eleh"
"Ye la"
"Anniversary kita abang tak ingat. Ini kan tarikh lama"
"Nanti ingatkan"
"Malas kita"
"Mamat romantik tu ingat semua tarikh?"
"He never missed wishin' me on our anniversary, my birthday, or Valentine's Day"
"Perfect guy"
"Abang tu birthday Ara pun lupa. Tarikh betul salah bulan. Bulan betul salah tarikh. Kita macam… apa je yang abang ingat. Lama-lama kita malas fikir. Tak nak sakit hati"
"Jujurnya"
"Last year abang tak wish pun birthday kita"
"Eh ye ke?"
"Ha'a"
"Betul ke tak wish?"
"Tak…"
"Aduhhh abang betul-betul lupa. Sorry"
"Tak apa. Abang kan busy. Tak pernah celeb birthday Ara dari sebelum kita kawin"
"Abang betul-betul minta maaf. Betul-betul abang lupa. Kejab, abang nak catat dalam.notes"
"Alaa tak payah beria"
"I am so sorry. I'll make it up next time. Abang minta maaf sangat, Ara. Abang betul-betul lupa"
"It's okay, abang. Kita kena terima orang yang kita sayang tanpa ubah apa-apa, kan? Baik dan buruk dia"
"Abang minta maaf sangat. Abang tak buat lagi lain kali"
_
The worst feeling ever.


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2024

Malapetaka besar

"28 Januari 2016 abang doa nak rusuk kiri. Abang sunyi. Abang minta Tuhan bagi pengganti"
"Abang doa apa?"
"Nanti ingat balik"
"Kenapa abang doa 28 hari bulan?"
"28 hari bulan tarikh tak elok. Tak boleh buat apa-apa ada malapetaka besar. Masa ni abang tak belajar, tak tahu tarikh ni tak elok. Bukan percaya tapi panduan dari kitab-kitab kuning"
"Kesian abang dapat malapetaka besar mmm kena tinggal. Kesiannya"
"Tak apa. Kan Tuhan bagi Ara"
"Kita malapetaka besar tak dalam hidup abang? hihi"
"Aku la.budak ni kang haa"
"Kita tanya je. Tu pun marah"


Panggilan telefon
27-01-2023

Saturday, January 27, 2024

Penantian

I am sitting still at my table, browsing themes for our blog, but none of the colors suit my eyes. I don't like any of the templates. You prefer soft colors, whereas I love black. I was trying to find my writing, but I couldn't find any. I can't remember what I wrote there. I didn't even remember that I had deleted all of my writing. You're telling me that I had deleted everything. I spent hours browsing while listening to music. The first song in my playlist is "Penantian" by Armada. I play it over and over. It's a 2014 song, a hit, and a sad song.

(Undated note)

Senyuman

Barangkali
senyumanmu tidak lagi di ukir untukku
tapi aku percaya
di sebalik setiap senyumanmu
kau menyimpan aku di dalamnya.


27-01-2024 

Cinta Kita



"Kenapa dia nyanyi macam tu bang? Kita takut la dengar. Tak sakit ke tekak dia? Ishh ngeri la"
"Dah lagu rock"
"Rambut dia basuh tak?"
"Adoi"
"Tak bau ke pakai singlet je"
"Orang suruh dengar muzik"


Panggilan telefon
26-01-2024

Manis berlemak

"Abang kan selalu duduk dekat birai katil tengok kita. Kita rindu la"
"Haaa"
"Kita rasa kan abang macam manis sangat duduk situ. Tu sebab kita suka orang tua. Lembut dan sopan hihi"
"Asyik tua je"
"Abang yang cakap tua manis berlemak hmm"
"Ara jangannnn"
"Hihi"
"Tidur, abang teman"


Panggilan telefon
26-01-2024

Mengghairahkan

"Dah penuh satu muka"
"Kenapa tak trim?"
"Saja simpan serabut"
"Jadi Santa Claus ek"
"Nanti trim la. Muka je tak trim. Lain trim dah haha"
"Tu kita pun tahu tak payah cakap"
"Hahaha saja nak cakap jugak"
"Abang tu mana nak simpan"
"Bulu muka je cukup"
"Trim bang. Tak handsome"
"Tetap handsome dan mengghairahkan hahahaha"
"Jauh bangggg"
"Alaaa. Nak terbang balik la"
"Sabar bang, sabar hihi"


Panggilan telefon
26-01-2024

Balik raya

"Bonda tanya kita balik raya tak. Kita cakap anak dia exam tak tahu balik ke tak astu Bonda cakap balik tak pernah tak balik astu Bonda cakap pasal dulu-dulu Ara marah abang tak datang raya. Ara cakap belum kawin tak datang raya dah kawin entah tak balik terus. Dah la buka puasa sama dia tak nak sebab tak nak tinggal terawih. Ada la sekali dua kot tapi habis makan nak balik cepat astu hari raya pun kerja. Tak boleh la kita astu Bonda marah kita sebab marah abang"
"Salah abang"
"Ha'a. Abang tak tahu ke kita ni princess?"
"Tak. Lepas kawin baru tahu"
"Kita nak banyak perhatian"
"Tu la"
"Kita nak berkepit je dengan abang"
"Tahu"
"Astu kenapa tinggal kita? Sedih kita"
"Sayang bini kena tinggal-tinggalkan haa"
"Tak nak rindu. Rindu jahat. Abang pun jahat"
"Eh"
"Selalu buat kita rindu. Tapi bila dekat nak gaduh je"
"Tahu pun"
"Abang balik la cepat. Kita bosan"
"Laa kan kerja banyak"
"Kita tak ada mood. Abang la, ambil semua mood kita"
"Abang jugak"
"Abang dunia kita mmm mmm. Tak ada abang, dunia kita hilang. Kita tak nak bayang hidup tak ada abang"
"Dah, dah jangan nangis. Tidur, abang teman"
"Abang nak pergi mana?"
"Tak pergi mana. Nak tidur"
"Abang penat ke?"
"Haah"
"Dengar suara pun tahu"
"Shhh, tidur"
"I love you"
"Ha"
"Abang tak reti ke cakap I love you, too"
"Tak"
"Cakap laaa"
"Apa?"
"I love you"
"Shh tidur, tidur"


Panggilan telefon
22-01-2024

Useless

"Abang sakit hati"
"Siapa sakitkan hati abang?"
"The speed of light in a vacuum is approximately 299,792,458 meters per second (m/s). Can I punch the wall?"
"Don't do that, abang. Calm down. Abang kan puasa"
"The most famous equation by Einstein is E=mc², which represents the mass-energy equivalence and relates energy (E) to mass (m) and the speed of light in a vacuum (c). I want to punch the mirror"
"Abang marah kenapa? Relaks. Bertenang"
"Okay"
"Don't punch the wall, don't punch the mirror. Lie down. Take a deep breath"
"Okay"
"Don't hurt yourself, please"
"Okay"
"You are selfless. You could sit and watch people over there like anyone else, but you choose to help them. It's not your job. They are all strangers. You always extend your hand to help people. Screw those who've done you wrong, just brush them off"
"30 minit kejut abang"
"You stay with me. Keep your madness under control. Don't let that beast of yours run wild"
"Just feel worthless. Useless"
"Relax. Take a nap"

_

"Abang…dah okey?"
"Dah"
"Berbuka apa?"
"Kurma 3 biji, barli suam"
"Nasi?"
"Tak ada selera"
"Makan tau"
"Okey. Abang dah mandi, solat, baca Quran. Dah siap nak keluar"
"Abang…"
"Hmm?"
"Take care"
"Okey"
"You always make me happy. You are not useless"
"Hmm"
"Dah habis, call Ara"
"Okey"
"Ada ayat cinta tak?"
"Tak. Kedai tutup"
"Jaga diri tau"


Panggilan telefon
22-01-2023

Friday, January 26, 2024

Effort counts

Where did you two go on a date? Did you watch a movie? Did you visit the beach? Did you go hiking? Did you go canoeing? Did you watch the sunset? Did he treat you to ice cream? Did he pick you up and drop you off at your house? Did you celebrate your birthday together? Did he give you a present? Did you have a pleasant meal at a restaurant, either for dinner or breakfast?

(Undated note)

Hate

"Kalau tak kerja di klinik, kita dikerjakan di rumah."

The most hateful line I have ever read.

The reason why I can't sleep

You know how broken my heart is seeing you with him? Sleeping with him, him touching you, him kissing you, him being able to do anything to you—it all tears me apart. Each and every night, that thought comes and I hate it. I despise it so much! It makes me depressed. You didn't know that I spent days in a psychiatric ward treating my depression. I feel terrible. I am so weak that I almost considered shooting myself in the head. Maybe that is the only way I can stop thinking about you.

(Undated note)

_
The anger that I hold in my heart

Yang paling tahu

Yang paling tahu tentang kita adalah Allah.

Sweet

"Abang lahir-lahir dah sweet. Tak payah belajar"
"Macam abang, sama. Minta tuala astu tarik kita masuk bilik air"
"Ala jangan ingatkan"
"Astu lap peluh pun sama"
"Araa".
"Astu…"
"Orang suruh dia tolong. Tolong ke lain pula ni"
"Abang rindu kita ke?"
"Araaa jangan usik abang"
"Hihi okey, okey"
"Mengada kan"
"Rindu abang…"
"Nanti abang balik. Tolong remove semua benda tu. Serabut abang tengok"
"Abang jaga diri tau"
"Ara pun"


Panggilan telefon
17-01-2024.

Penantian


 

Ranjang hatimu

"Hi chocolate"
"Abang pergi mana?"
"The best kissers are said to be born in February, April, June, August, October, and December"
"Abang dari mana?"
"Ku tempuh roadblock sebelum sampai ke ranjang hatimu hahaha"
"Amboi!"
"Sorry abang lambat call. Banyak sekatan. Penat nak cilok"
"Okey tak?"
"Ara…kejab. Nak tarik nafas"
"………"
"Jauh lari"
"Dari siapa?"
"Oh kali ini demi menyelamatkan cinta kita hahaha"
"Kedai dah buka eh?"
"Dah hahaha"


Panggilan telefon
25-01-2024

Punca

"Dari beli phone baik beli abang Ferrari""
"Nak upgrade?"
"Nak jadi macam Adib. "Yang, Yang I nak Ferrari" terus sampai satu"
"Mewah"
"Baru ni dia angkat Skyline ke GTR. Bini dia bayar"
"Rugi la bini dia"
"Senang hidup dia. "Yang, Yang I nak motor besar". Tu dia punya besar sampai"
"Abang nak jugak ke?"
"Nak!"
"Kereta menan eh hihi"
"Alaa tapi boleh jugak. Koleksi abang tak lengkap Hari tu dapat dua special edition"
"Isteri dia kerja apa?"
"Bisnes kosmetik 800 ribu sebulan"
"Astu Adib tu?"
"Paw bini je la. Apa susah haha"
"Teruk perangai"
"Perempuan jangan kawin laki bawah dari dia. Nanti laki suka buat perangai, minta itu ini. Laki yang tak ada duit bila kawin perempuan ada duit mesti jadi kaki perempuan"
"Alah bang sama je dengan laki banyak duit. Lagi banyak duit lagi banyak perempuan dia nak"
"Ye ke? Pakcik tu salah cakap la tapi kan laki banyak duit selalunya setia"
"Setia sangat hihi"
"Apa masalah old girls eh asyik salahkan boys je. Anti laki eh haha"
"Kita tak suka laki tak ada class"
"Kita suka perempuan ada class"
"Kenapa abang kawan dengan dia?"
"Tak kawan la. Kenal je. Kawan member"
"Seronok hidup bini tanggung"
"Haah. Nak apa petik je"
"Astu abang nak apa?"
"Tak nak apa"
"Punca kita sayang laki kita. Dia tak pernah paw duit kita, tak pernah tanya gaji kita berapa, tak tanya apa kita buat dengan duit kita, tak pernah ambil tahu apa"
"Sebab duit Ara. Cuba kalau duit abang"
"Anak belanja lebih 1 sen dah bising"
"Eyy!"


Panggilan telefon
25-01-2024

Gedik

"Abang, abang sayangku, abang cintaku,

Boleh tak kita, tak berpisah lagi? Tamak ke saya ni? I cant let go of what I have now, but I dont want to bid farewell to you either...

Tapi kalau kita berterusan macam ni...pasangan dapat tau nanti...macamana?

But I love you, so so much, abang...I am finally letting it out again...penatnya pendamkan semula nanti...

Tapi tak boleh tamak, kan?

Kan?"

_

Dia pun tahu gedik juga.

Pensel

"Tengok tak video Anwar pegang pen masa bercakap tu?"
"Dah"
"Abang pun suka pegang macam tu. Sejak pensel tu tak ada, dah tak pegang. Tapi kalau ada nak pegang balik"
"Yelah, sorry"
"Ara dah order ke belum?"
"Dah"
"Okey hehe"
"Tapi abang tak jawab soalan Ara"
"Abang terjumpa iklan tu"
"Dekat mana?"
"Tak ingat. Tapi dekat Muslim Pro ada banyak iklan, kan. Ada Lazada, Shopee. Kalau Ara tak nak beli tak apa. Abang buat akaun beli sendiri"
"Eleh merajuk"
"Ye la suruh beli pensel pun sampai bergaduh dekat Dubai"
"Kita dah beli kan"
"Tampil bergaya dengan pensel hehe"
"Koya lalu"
"Tak semua orang ingat setiap perincian kecil hidup kita, Ara. Kalau ada yang ingat tentu hati rasa bahagia sangat "
"Abang"
"Ha"
"Diam je"
"Teringat pensel"
"Abang tak pernah cerita"
"Abang dah lupa banyak benda"


Panggilan telefon
25-01-2024

Thursday, January 25, 2024

Beautiful and sweet

"Cantik?"
"Beautiful and sweet"
"Tinggi?"
"Tak. Rendah je. 156"
"Kurus?"
"Chubby. Goochy goochy go"
"Kuning langsat?"
"Tak. Putih kemerah-merahan"
"Kemain kalau puji perempuan lain"
"Dah tadi Ara tanya. Berapa ribu kali dari tahun-tahun lepas"
"Tak sama pun dengan kita"
"Siapa kata sama?"

_
"Abang tak pernah puji dia"
"Kenapa?"
"Biasalah abang. Berat mulut"
"Teruk la abang ni. Perempuan suka di puji"
"Dia selalu rasa dia tak cantik sebab abang tak puji dia"
"Tak baik tau abang buat dia rasa macam tu"
"Abang kan teruk"
"Padan muka kena tinggal"
"Eyy!"
"Eat the truth"
"I never knew her favorite ice cream flavor. I never knew her favorite chocolate. I didn't know if she liked coffee or tea or hot chocolate or lemonade"
"Seriously, sayang?"
"Teruk kan"
"Sangat, sangat, sangat teruk"
"………"
"No turning back. You will spend your life full of regrets. Did you really deserve her heart? Sorry, but I need to say that."
"No, I don't…"
"Teruk la abang ni. Teruk sangat abang tahu tak?"
"Tahu"
"Sakit tak hati kena tinggal?"
"Sakit"
"Tak sesakit hati dia yang abang buat macam tu. Kita pula yang panas"

_
"Bila Ara nak berhenti tanya? Asyik tanya je. Batuk-batuk orang tu"
"Malas kita layan abang"
"Dah pulak"
"Kita suka coklat apa?"
"Semua coklat Ara suka"
"……"
"Err abang salah jawab ke?"
"Jangan sampai kita tinggal abang mmm"
"Coklat apa Ara suka?"
"Cari sendiri"
"Adoi"


Panggilan telefon
24-01-2024

Min

Min dekat mana? Rindu. Baca berita tapak arkeologi, ada penemuan besar ya?

Pergi Istanbul tapi tak makan baklava, manis. Ara makan. Dia memang suka manis.

Transit dekat London tapi tak sempat pergi rumah. Aku call, tapi tak ada orang angkat - risau. Siapa jaga auntie?

Entahlah Min. Dunia kadang-kadang meletihkan tapi jangan ghaib tanpa berita. Aku tak tahu nak cari dekat mana. Kalau mati, biarlah ada tanda…

Lama tak dengar Min panggil handsome haha. Teringat dulu selalu ada dekat padang.

"That's my boyf"

Ye, aku dengar tapi buat tak dengar. Aku tak suka jatuhkan air muka orang

Min, aku rindu. Dunia semakin sunyi. Sangat sunyi.

Dalam banyak perempuan, semua aku tak layan kecuali kau seorang. Tapi Tuhan tak letakkan cinta, dan tentu pedih rasanya tak di cintai. Maafkan aku. Pasti kau cemburu. Aku rasainya sekarang. Derita melihat orang yang kita sayang hidup dengan orang lain…

"I have a girl in KL. She's still young and cute. Adorable"
"You psycho!"

I still love her, but now she loves someone else. That's life.

Tengah tunggu hujan. Teringat kau tak suka hujan.

Jaga diri, Min.


24-01-2024

Hujan

"Sini hujan. Sejuk"
"Sini pun sejuk"
"Tapi sini hujan. Sana tak"
"Bila abang nak tidur? Bercakap aje"
"Nak tidur. Mata tak nak"
"Tidur bang. Jangan bercakap"
"Ara…jom pergi pulau"
"Maldives"
"Tak nak"
"Siam sana"
"Tak suka Siam"
"Pelik je tak suka Siam"
"Lain?"
"Mauritius"
"Tak nak"
"Habis mana?"
"Tengah fikir"
"Tengok tu. Bila nak tidur"
"Nak tidur la ni"
"Tidur"
"Ara…lupa nak cakap apa"
"Shhh…"
"Alaa abang nak cakap"
"Abang ni kan"
"Macam mana nak lepas sesuatu yang kita sayang?"
"Kenapa nak lepas?"
"Tak bagus untuk diri kita, orang sekeliling kita"
"Hati tak boleh paksa, kan?"
"Haah"
"So, biar hati yang buat keputusan. Abang tidur. Tak usah fikir"
"*Hujan yang turun bersama air mata
bersama pedih bersama rindu
kau datang dan kau pergi jua
rindu lagi"
"Tidur la sayang"
"Haff macam mana?"
"Macam tu je"
"Tak ada perubahan?"
"Abangggg. Tidur please"
"Ara tak tahu apa yang abang nampak bila abang pejam mata…"


*Hujan - Sudirman Hj. Arshad


Panggilan telefon
25-1-2024

Be real

"Abang...so you were hurt by my words yesterday...I'm sorry for being too blunt."
_

Let people be who they are.

Stop waiting for them to meet your expectations or give more than they are capable of.

— Adam Palmer

Kan sayang?

“Bla bla bla kan sayang?”
“Kan….”

(tt)

. . .

“… and we are in bed together
laughing
and we don’t care
about anything.”
― Charles Bukowski

November 9, 2016

_

"Nama Hani tak sedap"
"Kannn...nama Hani tu tak sedap kan...."

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Ily

"Yang, Ily tidur eh?"
"Pelik"
"Apa?"
"Tiba panggil Lily"
"Dah hari tu cakap nak panggil Lily"
"Apa jadi Raysha?"
"Ara jugak yang panggil dia Lily"
"Kita memang. Awak tu tiba je"
"Okey la tu abang panggil dia Ily"
"Ribut tak, hujan tak. Tiberrr"
"Ily tidur jangan kacau Ibu. Ibu tu suka bebel. Lampu dah malap kan? Haa tidur sampai pagi. Tukar pampers pun tidur. Daddy balik kita pergi playground. Tinggal Ibu dekat rumah haha"
"Ehhh"
"Jaga anak saya baik-baik. Jangan bebel-bebel"
"Anak awak je la?"
"Haah anak saya je. Semua anak saya jeeee"
"Astu saya awak nak campak mana?"
"Ibu kan memang tidur dalam bilik? Mana ada tidur bilik kembar"
"Ibu tidur dengan Kakak"
"Ehh dah berbaik?"
"Ha'a"
"Eloklah dua-dua sepah hahaha. Tengok siapa lagi sepah hahahaha"


Panggilan telefon
24-01-2024

She knows me too well

It still hurts. It's going to hurt. It will hurt even after 10 years. What about moving on? Am I stuck or should I still carry on?

22-01-2024

_

"Abang...so you were hurt by my words yesterday...I'm sorry for being too blunt."

_

I've denied it so many times, yet she knows. I pretend to be 'professional' with no hard feelings, like a tough guy, but she can sense my emotions. She knows me too well, even when I hide my vulnerability, she still knows it.

Am I really that weak?"

Unfortunate

I initially stated that I didn't care, but in reality, I do care. I claimed there were no hard feelings, yet I find myself feeling hurt.

Isn't it unfortunate?


22-01-2024

Maaf

“O. Esok Im pergi gunting rambut. Isnin nak pergi Sabah. Ada kerja”
“Kamu ke Sabah buat kerja apa? Cuba cakap dengan aku betul-betul”
“Pergi SOGIP dekat Sipitang”
“Bukan cari yang tu?”
“Tak la. Orang balik dengan penuh semangat ni”

Januari 31, 2016

_
Taklah makcik. Im pergi cari dia tapi tak jumpa. Maaflah, Im tipu makcik.

Januari 24, 2024

Maintain cantik

Daddy: Good morning everyone!.
Adam: Good morning daddy!
Huda: Hi daddy!
Umar: Assalamualaikum daddy
Daddy: Puasa ke semua?
Huda: Daddy, video call please
Adam: Daddy tak pernah video call kita orang
Daddy: Semua sihat?
Umar: Alhamdulillah, sihat
Kakak: Maintain cantikkk
Adam: I'm fit as a fiddle
Daddy: Adam seronok masuk high school? Sorry, daddy tak hantar
Adam: High school rocks, daddy!
Daddy: Kakak dah ready nak exam?
Kakak: Exam is in April, daddy. Chill out
Daddy: Yelah tu. Umar? Sekolah okey?
Umar: Boring
Kakak: Crush dia pindah sekolah hehe
Daddy: Eh ada makwe
Umar: Kakak pakai lipstick pergi sekolah
Daddy: Amboi melawa manjang. Jangan pakai la. Pergi sekolah je
Kakak: Adik pakai perfume
Daddy: Tampil berkeyakinan
Umar: Adam pakai carbana
Daddy: Amboi masing-masing pun nak ke sekolah ke mana ni


Panggilan telefon
23-01-2024

Kenangan

Cinta tak selalu berakhir dengan bahagia. Kadang-kadang, ia hanya meninggalkan luka yang dalam dan kenangan yang terasa pahit.


23-01-2024

Luka

Keindahan segala keindahan, kau yang terindah juga melukakan.


23-01-2023

Thinking Out Loud


Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Pasti ada luka

"Kadang-kadang kita sengaja cederakan hati kita"
"Sebab?"
"Mencintai dan di cintai pasti ada luka"
"……"
"Sometimes we visit old places, reminiscing about old memories that we know will hurt us, but we still want to, even if it means hurting ourselves. That's love. We love to revisit where it all began. Treasure the journey."
"Are you a mathematician for real?"
"Biarlah nak bersastera kejab. Tak support langsung"
"Hihi"


14-01-2024

Mimpi pagi ini

Ujian kedewasaan adalah menyebut yang benar walaupun pahit.

Menerima kekecewaan

Ketika kamu ikhlas menerima segala kekecewaan, maka Allah akan membayar tuntas dengan beribu-ribu kebaikan.

(Saidina Ali)

Pindah Muscat

"Puas hati dapat tengok sunset atas unta?"
"Ha'a. Best sangat. Lama la kita tak naik"
"Pindah Muscat jom"
"Abang dah lama tak tidur luar, kan?"
"Haah. Nak tidur luar la malam ni"
"Berani ke?"
"Berani"
"Abang tak biasa kena simen dalam tong, kan?"
"Hahahaha"


06-01-2024

9.55 pm

Sakit kepala. Hidung berdarah.

Nak kiss

"Araaaa. Nak kiss"
"Abang okey tak?"
"Okey. Baru habis boxing"
"Peluh-peluh minta kiss. Tak nak kita"
"Eleh tak nak konon. Tunggu la abang balik nanti"
"Lama dah kita tunggu masalahnya"
"Alaaa sabar sikit"
"Bila nak balik?"
"Kiss dulu, kiss dulu"
"Abang…"
"Kita puasa tau"
"Kita tak buat apa pun hihi"
"Eleh"
"Awak tu balik buat banyak kerja astu jauh baru la nak itu ini"
"Balik nanti tak buat banyak kerja. Buat kerja dengan Ara je"
"Sembanggggg. Kejab bawa anak mandi, kejab anak nak main gelongsor, kejab bawa anak pergi jalan, kejab tengok itik, kejab mmm banyak la. Malam main kombat"
"Orang minta kiss. Bebel pulak"
"Mana nak kiss-nya?"
"Ehem hahaha"
"Abang jangan mengada"
"Eh? Hehe"

Panggilan telefon
22-01-2024

Monday, January 22, 2024

50,000

Approximately 50,000 pregnant women residing in displacement camps are experiencing shortages of food and medicine, which pose threats to both their own health and the well-being of their unborn babies. The challenging conditions of war have resulted in an increase in the number of miscarriages. In recent days, reports have emerged of hundreds of miscarriages and premature births due to the distress and forced evacuation caused by intense bombardment in Gaza.

25,295

Officially, a total of 25,295 Palestinians have been reported killed, but it is likely that thousands more bodies remain uncounted under the rubble across Gaza. There have been 63,000 reported injuries as a result of Israeli strikes on Gaza since 7 October.
 
(I apologize for the erroneous data in my earlier post.)

Kajang sana

"Araa. Hai"
"Hi baby. Rindu kita ke?"
"Kita nak keluar kerja la"
"Alaaa tapaya kerja laaa"
"Tak payah kerja nak buat apa?"
"Layan kita je"
"Ahh malas abang"
"Kita cadang nak tukar jenis simen"
"Plaster sekali? Pailing tak nak buat? Sewa mesin satu batang RM 120"
"Apasal mahal?"
"Kalau tak mahir guna, runtuh bangunan"
"Tak jadi la. Kita beli konkrit je"
"Konkrit lambat buat cepat keras"
"Alaa astu?"
"Dia nak simen orang tanya kita"
"Rindu abang…"
"Ingat Ara selalu"
"Tak romantik pun"
"Adoi"
"Gulakan hati kita, please"
"Cintamu adalah sebuah pengharapan yang menguatkan jiwaku"
"Mmm mmm"
"Harapan, Impian. Hara, Im. Okey, tu sweet"
"Tak. Kita tak nak Im, kita nak An sebab Im orang Kajang punya hihihihihi"
"Araaaaaaa. Cuba satu hari jangan sebut pasal Kajang. Kang Ara yang abang simen"
"Jangan marah bang. Kenyataan memang pahit hihihi"
"Sakan la dia. Dah-dah abang kena letak"
"Okey, Kajang sana hihihi"


Panggilan telefon
21-01-2024

Pedas

"Araaaa"
"Kenapa suara abang lain?"
"Mana ada. Sama je"
"Nangis la tu"
"Tak"
"Abang okey tak?"
"Okey. Kembar tak bangun?"
"Tak"
"Selamat. Ara buat apa?"
"What are the distinctions between Freud's and Carl Jung's theories on behavior?"
"Otak slow. Abang baru balik. Mandi, sahur. Makan mewah hari ni"
"Sahur apa bang?"
"Sahur Ara jauh haha. Makan nasi, kari ayam, sambal Pahang, telur 3 biji, oat, pisang 2. Barli suam 2 gelas besar"
"Pedas tak sambal tu?"
"Pedas, tanya lagi"
"Kita letak sikit je cili"
"Dalam bilik ada buku teori. Cari la"
"Abang kan Wikipedia kita"
"Wikipedia penat hari ni"
"Abang, which is more agonizing: being the one who leaves or being the one who is left?"
"Nak ganti sesi sunset la ni"
"Tak. Nak tahu je"
"Nanti abang jawab. Pasang lagu Lambiyan"
"Abang tak ada lagu lain ke?"
"Pasang la"
"Alaa lagu lain la"
"Gasak Ara la. Abang nak tidur"
"Kenapa eh harga simen asyik naik?"
"Pejabat Tanah naikkan docket. Kalau tak ada lori sendiri, kena sewa tak pun pajak - bayar ikut trip setengah tempat ikut kilometer. Jentera lagi - minyak, kerosakan, gaji pekerja. Permit nak renew lesen setahun kurang-kurang RM 70,000 ikut keluasan. Belum kira orang politik paw, atas jalan paw. Sehari memang la boleh dapat RM100,000 tapi tolak kos tinggal berapa je. Lepas orang politik, kuning pun paw 30-40%"
"Segar terus mata dia hihi"
"Sembang duit memang laju haha"


Panggilan telefon
21-01-2024

Cintaku

"Saya kt hati abang....dah lama sangat ni...takkan abang nak kat sana lama-lama sangat...

Atau abang nak keluarkan saya dari hati abang esok, lusa, minggu depan nanti...hmm..."

_
Kukenang senyummu dan pelukmu yang hangat. Meskipun kini kau tak lagi di sisiku, cintaku padamu takkan pernah pudar.

Tajam tau saya jeling

"Jalan-jalan dalam taman hati abang je senang"
"Itu kalau boleh biar sesat taknak keluar"
"Lepas tu marah-marah hati padahal dia yang nak sesat. Kesian hati kena marah"
"Mintak kena jeling ke niii?? Eeeeisshh"
"Awak reti ke jeling orang?"
"Reti laa....tajam tau saya jelingggg"
"Jeling pun comel haha"
"Eeiishhh...dah dapat jeling mintak cubit pulak nihh"
"Sejak bila garang sangat ni?"
"Saya memang garang kannn...lupa keee..."
"Tak lupa, takkan pernah lupa. Garang-garang pun comel. Dah maju selangkah, pandai cubit dah sekarang"
"Kena laa selalu maju bang hehe"

_
Love is not to be found in someone else but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with. 
— Paulo Coelho

Sunday, January 21, 2024

Don't come here, sayang

"Abang boleh baca post yang draft kat blog tu ke? Saya save draft saja, tak publish pun, abang boleh baca?"
_

Is she visiting my blog and still reading all of the posts? I hope she hasn't come. It's all rubbish. Please don't come here, sayang, as I write about other women besides you. This blog was originally dedicated to you years ago, but now I also write about someone else, and it would crush you if you were to read it. I do write about you, as you are still my favorite subject to write about.

Masterpiece of the heart

In the realm of love
where souls entwine
A tender kiss
a moment divine
Two hearts collide in passionate sway
As lips touch softly
emotions convey.

A symphony of feelings 
sweet and true
In that gentle union
I find my muse
The world fades away
time stands still
Lost in the magic of this tender thrill.

Our lips dance
a graceful choreography
Whispering secrets
a silent poetry
Each touch
a brushstroke upon the soul
Unveiling desires that words can't control.

With every breath
our spirits ignite
A flame of passion
burning bright
In that deep embrace
we become one
Bound by love
a journey just begun.

The power of a tender kiss
To ignite the heart
fulfill the bliss
A gesture so simple
yet so profound
In that moment
true love is found.

A deep tender kiss 
a masterpiece of the heart
For in this embrace
we shall forever dwell
In a love story
only our hearts can tell.

_
I'm sorry, sayang. I am really, really sorry that I didn't save you from the marriage that you are trapped in now.

:(

The saddest line

The saddest line I ever read...

February 26, 2020
abang dah kawin…
_
It shattered my eyes with a deluge of tears.

You and I


A cruel world

"How do I tell you, I dreamt of getting caught by my husband? Not one, but two nights in a row. The thing I scared of the most? Not seeing my girls. How do I tell you about thisI dont want to let go of you, but I cant lose them either."
_

Life often presents us with difficult choices, and it seldom shows leniency. This makes me wonder if there's time left to experience the emotions that have yet to be felt, to savor the warmth of sweet love. I yearn for the chance to take my time before parting ways, but it seems even that is a luxury I'm denied. Does this harsh reality validate the phrase "a cruel world"? I never anticipated her return, yet I always held onto the hope that she would come back. Now, she has returned, and still, I can't have her. Can't the world show me a moment's kindness? I refuse to put her in a position to make a choice. I won't risk ruining her life, sabotaging her marriage, or force her to choose me. No, I won't ask her to do anything. I am resolved to find an exit, to say goodbye, as much as it pains me. It seems to be the best option for both of us, despite my reluctance and her wish for me to stay. Even though we both yearn to freeze this moment, no aid has come to our rescue. Should I start distancing myself from her now?

Masuk perangkap

"Kita boleh cakap apa saja alasan untuk sedapkan hati, tapi akhirnya, kita tetap tak boleh tipu diri kita sendiri. Ada orang stay sebab tanggungjawab dia besar pada keluarga, ada yang fikirkan mudarat akan datang, ada yang nak jaga hati orang, ada yang betul-betul sayang. Pada akhirnya, kita sendiri yang tahu hati kita. Kita tak boleh tipu hati kita sendiri"
"Tapi…"
"Dalam flight mana ada orang bincang benda berat"
"Terfikir kes junior"
"Ohh"
"Kalau abang…"
"Jangan tanya. Ara tu dah suka gaduh"
"Kalau abang, abang pilih siapa?"
"Nak tidur"
"Alaa jawab laaa"
"Jangan tahu nanti kecil hati"
"Pilih dia sana"
"Haa nampak. Abang tak cakap apa pun"
"Eleh"
"……"
"Alahh cakap aje la. Kita tanya je"
"Kalau jawab esok kiamat"
"Alaaa"
"Boleh kawin 4 kan. Tak payah pilh"
"Tak nak kita"
"Okey abang pilih sana haha"
"Berani abang!"
"Nak tanya harga simen ke hehe?"
"Hati dekat sana kannn"
"Sini pun ada hati"
"Eleh. Pergi sana"
"Kalau boleh pergi, berlari dah abang"
"Serius?"
"Dah kata pergi sana"
"Tak suka la abang ni"
"Haha jangan serius sangat"
"In laughter, we get to know someone's heart, right?"
"Masuk perangkap ke macam mana ni haha?"
"Gelabah hihi"


14-01-2024

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Deep tender kiss

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

And i dreamt of you choking me with your deep tender kiss. By the seaside. Ignoring people around us. It has always been, just the two of us...

Jan 9, 2024

_
For in this embrace, 
we shall forever dwell,
In a love story, 
only our hearts can tell.

Relief after Hardship

When hardship is over, there is relief, when the scourge is narrow, there is prosperity, and with difficulty there is ease. When adversity is at its worst, then comes relief. When tribulation grips tightest, then comes release; and with hardship comes ease.

(Relief after Hardship written by Mohsin bin Ali Tanoukhi)

Ingatan kita pada seseorang

"Abang busy tak? Teman kita tengok sunset"
"Sunset, sunset. Tak habis la sunset dia"
"Teman la. Sana malam, kan?"
"Haa malam"
"Abang buat apa tu?"
"Ara boleh tolong abang tak? Ara bukan buat apa pun"
"Ehh kita mengadap tesis budak. Check correction"
"Tesis siapa?"
"Acah-acah je hihi"
"Rindu nak mengajar ke?"
"Tak hihi"
"Dekat bilik?"
"Ha'a"
"Rindu abang?"
"Takkk"
"Cantik sunset?"
"Kita nampak abang pakai tuala mundar-mandir dalam bilik hihi"
"Nakal eh nakal"
"Abang buat apa hari ni?"
"Macam-macam"
"Nangis tak?"
"Skip soalan"
"Abang, manusia berubah tak?"
"Selalunya tak"
"Walaupun berpuluh tahun?"
"Apa yang berubah? Sikap? Perasaan? Hati? Fikiran?"
"Semua"
"Ada yang berubah, ada yang tak. Cara berfikir mungkin berubah mengikut usia dan lingkungan pergaulan dan pengalaman"
"Yang tak berubah?"
"Ingatan kita pada seseorang. Seseorang yang pernah menyentuh jiwa kita dengan lembut. Hati dan ingatan saling bergandingan, Kalau terpahat di hati, tentu bermain di fikiran"
"Tak akan berubah?"
"Tak"
"Sampai bila-bila?"
"Selamanya…"
"Kenapa abang serius sangat?"
"Eh?"
"Abang tak reti ke play around dengan kita mmm mmm?"
"Play lain je abang reti haha"
"Abang memang!"


Panggilan telefon
20-01-2024

Friday, January 19, 2024

Banyak soalan

"Kenapa tak gerak abang?"
"Your body needs to rest"
"Okey dah. Tak sedih dah"
"Abang tidur mana malam ni?"
"Sini. Tunggu luka…"
"Luka apa? Luka dekat mana? Tak cakap pun"
"Kena bucu meja"
"Bila?"
"Dah okey dah. Kena 3 jahit Sakit, tak guna ubat bius"
"Lagi dekat mana?"
"Err mana tahu ada lagi"
"Abang buat apa sebenarnya? Barang apa tinggal? Mana barang tu? Abang tak suruh Ara buat payment pun. Biasa Ara yang bayarkan. Abang tu online banking entah zaman dinasor kot last buka. Buka eh bukan guna. Ada perbezaan di situ"
"Nak spesifik jugak"
"Mesti. Kenapa pos Istanbul sampai Busra? Abang pos alamat mana?"
"Banyak soalan tu"
"Jawab, jawab"
"Sepuluh tahun dulu Ara dekat mana?"
"Abang jangan tukar soalan"
"Tak"
"Abang pergi Busra buat apa?"
"Mahkamah tangguh"
"Abanggggg!"
"Semua selamat. Barang selamat"
"Berapa nilai barang abang tu?"
"Tak ternilai. Terlalu berharga"
"Yela berapa harga?"
"Dah terlalu bernilai, terlalu berharga la"
"Abang beli belian eh"
"Tak. Mana ada orang beli belian dekat Busra"
"Kalau hilang ada insurans tak?"
"Pandai cukil"
"Ada tak?"
"Abang insurans dia"
"Astu kenapa abang tak bawa je balik kan senang"
"Tak boleh. Nanti orang tahu abang ada barang tu"
"Astu biar sana?"
"Haah"
"Kalau hilang?"
"InshaAllah selamat semua"
"Kalau jadi apa-apa?"
"Nyawa pun abang sanggup bagi"
"Macam mana nak bagi ek hihi"
"Dah lama tak kena terkam ni"
"Astu bila nak terkam kita hihi?"
"Mengundangggg"


Panggilan telefon
18-01-2024

One more time

"Ara dah tidur?"
"Dah. Sana pagi, kan?"
"Haah. 10 lebih"
"Are you okay?"
"Tak"
"Abang fikir apa? Nak share?"
"………"
"Abang…"
"Let me cry one more time..."
"Abang…tak sampai hati dengar abang nangis macam ni…"
"………"


Panggilan telefon
18-01-2024

Rasa

Yang berubah hanya waktu,
rasa tetap sama.

10-01-2024

Ten years ago…

The day you left me, 
my soul left me too.

It's too late

"I love you. For eternity. May I die before you, so I dont have to know a life without your love."
_
Can you stay a little longer? I really don't want you to leave me again. Please, just stay...

Do I regret making that dua? Honestly, yes, a bit. Pardon me, my Lord, for feeling that way. 

I shouldn't have made that dua, should I? But it's too late now. It's too late to regret anything...

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)