To the remarkable woman in my life…

Love is a moment that lasts forever.

 - Julie Wittey

 Truly yours,

Sweetpie

Doing Nothing

Sitting next to you doing absolutely nothing

means absolutely everything to me...

Rusuk

Engkau tulang rusukku; yang tak pernah gagal

memberiku ketenangan

Ciptaan Terindah

Engkau ciptaan terindah dari Tuhan untuk aku...

Nothing Else Matter

2.12am

1.

I melt with you…

I love this feeling that we had now. We fall in love for second time. This feeling is so sweet and I like it. I even didn’t have any right words to describe what I feel towards you. To have you in my life it’s like to have the whole world. I knew its sound hyperbole but it is true.

We shared the same feeling and it makes our love charming. What you feel, I feel it too. Today, I feel uneasy and when you text me and say the same things, what would I say. We share everything. You are my best companion ever, my best friend and my other half.

I don’t care much about our dissimilarity. Most importantly,

you still here with me; nothing else matter.

2.

You forget to ask what I missed to tell you.

Last couple days, before you sleep I think I want to say I Love You Very Much but I failed. I tried hard but I’m too shy.

3.

I love you wildly. Good night and sweet dream.

Cuddle

1

We went to Tesco after I did dialysis. Grab some vegetables, fruits, chocolates and milk. After that, we went to Jusco to buy books at MPH. I bought several books that I have make wish list before. There are Room by Emma Donoghue, Sizzle by Julie Garwood, Wishes by Jude Deveraux, The Passage by Justin Cronin and The Lotus Eaters by Tatjana Soli.

For my kids, I bought them Samsui Girl, Gasing Boy and Wayang Girl all by Ho Lee-Ling. Ho a Singaporean writer who had won AFCC’s inaugural First Time Writers and Illustrators Grand Award 2006 was a historian by profession.

On the way to back home, we stop for half an hour at Novelhut. I bought 15 novels for RM 14. Yes, I knew it is very cheap even the cheapest I have buy. I also bought four Times magazines for RM 2 each. In Novelhut there are no children story books. Maybe they have but I couldn’t find it.

Umar want perfume. He always wanted to be handsome all the time. I bought Hugo Boss for him. He can’t stop smiling and give me kisses. And Umar, please don’t asked daddy about your boxer. There is no size for you. If they have surely daddy will buy one box for you.

2

Last night we had sleep outdoors at my house. Umar want us to accompany him sleep out side the house. He said “Camping season”. He also request me to prepare for him a fan so he won’t get warm while sleep. Yes, he is so fussy.

And my wife sleeps damn early last night! Maybe she likes to sleep in a small space so she could cuddle me firm. I think so. As I lay, I look at the stars and I smile to my mum there. Good night mum, rest in peace. Thanks for bring me to this world. I love you.

3

In the morning, I am sulked because my wife sleeps early and leaves me alone. It’s Friday night dear! We should have some talks.

Never mind, I still love you even though you sleep early.

Guzaarish dan Euthanasia

Saya menonton Guzaarish seorang diri di dalam bilik. Tentang seorang lelaki yang menderita akibat Paraplegia dan ingin mati melalui petisyen mahkamah. Mahkamah menolak petisyen tersebut. Tidak ada istilah mercy killing. Setiap hari saya cuba menerima hakikat hidup. Setiap hari saya doa agar sakit saya hilang di bawa pawana. Tapi masih belum bernasib baik. Saya tak pernah lagi fikir yang saya akan bunuh diri atau minta kebenaran dari mahkamah untuk di bunuh untuk menamatkan kesakitan ini.

Kata Ummi, sakit itu kifarah setiap doa yang anak Adam lakukan. Kata Ummi, kita harus redha dan terima setiap dugaan yang ALLAH kirimkan buat kita. Kata Ummi, setiap yang berlaku ada ganjaran yang tinggi untuk kita. Dan saya rasa amat berdosa tatkala saya cuba bunuh diri dahulu. Saya berasa sangat malu jika di beri kesempatan berdepan dengan Ummi. Saya bertambah malu bila nanti saya akan bersoal jawab di hadapan Tuhan.

Kita memang tak ada kuasa untuk mengambil nyawa sendiri kecuali kita terpaksa berbuat demikian dalam beberapa keadaan walaupun sebenarnya masih tidak di benarkan dan di anggap berdosa. Mungkin dalam keadaan seperti Ethan yang mengidap Paraplegia - tidak boleh merasa apa-apa pada anggota badannya, lumpuh separuh badan. Ketika membuang air juga dia tidak berasa apa-apa. Sofialah yang membantunya. Untuk hidup dalam situasi begini memerlukan kecekalan kerana insan yang lahir normal kemudian menjadi tidak normal akibat kemalangan memerlukan semangat yang kuat untuk terus hidup - hidup dalam kesakitan dan penderitaan. Menanti setiap masa nyawanya di ambil Tuhan.

Orang yang sakit tak mahu mati kerana dia ingin mati. Dia ingin mati kerana hanya dengan itu dia dapat merasa bebas dari kesakitan. Kita tidak perlu berasa aneh kerana adakalanya kita berasa dunia seolah-olah tertutup untuk kita nikmati. Kawan saya, si pemikir kreatif selalu menyatakan bahawa “ Hidup ini perlu di rai dan bukan untuk di tangisi”. Kawan saya itu pernah berkata, “Hidup kita seperti melakukan seks. Adakala di atas dan kadang-kadang kita di bawah. Jika kita selalu berasa di atas, kita lupa nikmat bila kita berada di bawah”.

Apapun yang kita lalui, kita pasti pernah berasa berada di atas, bawah, tepi, kiri dan kanan. Posisi hidup kita tak pernah sama dan kerana itulah hidup kita menjadi indah. Ethan tetap mengambil keputusan untuk membunuh diri dengan bantuan orang yang paling di kasihinya, Sofia. Baginya, penderitaan perlu di tamatkan. Bagi saya pula, hidup perlu diteruskan kerana janji Tuhan belum sampai.