Little one

Hi little one,

In less than two months, you will enter the world. How are you? Still kicking like a quarterback? I'm sure your mom is excited to meet you. You will be her only son and last child, and everyone is looking forward to your arrival. I hope everything is going well for both you and your mom. Is she okay? Does she still stay awake at midnight, missing me? In one of her emails, she wrote "Feeling so low, missing you so much, regretting everything… it takes away my will to live." I'm not entirely sure how to describe this feeling—perhaps it’s what some call languishing.

Inside every person is a story they wish they could forget. The more intensely you love someone, the harder it is to let go or forget them. An author once wrote "Someone asked me, what’s worse? Loving someone you can't have or having someone you can't love? I replied, ‘Leaving someone you can never unlove.’" It’s true—the hardest thing in life is finding somebody you can’t live without and then living without them. I always admire her hardihood, honest emotions, and broad mind. She is not just any other girl—she is the only one, one in a million.

We live by Allah’s fate and the courage we build. Many Islamic preachers say "Allah doesn’t always give you what you want, but He always gives you what is best for you." I hold on to this line to calm myself from sadness and anxiety. Sometimes, I get mad at myself, but I don’t get mad at your mom. She made the right choice—your father is a wonderful man. His persistence and perseverance melted her heart. A quote from a movie once said "Sometimes, there are no good choices. You just choose the one that’s best." Life is all about the choices we make.

This year, I’ve been living in Cyprus, a Mediterranean island known for its rich history, breathtaking beaches, and vibrant culture. Influenced by civilizations such as the Greeks, Romans, Byzantines, and Ottomans, Cyprus boasts impressive archaeological sites, crystal-clear waters, and a unique mix of Greek and Turkish traditions. Despite its small size, Cyprus remains a divided island, consisting of the Republic of Cyprus, the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus (TRNC), the UN Buffer Zone, and two British Sovereign Base Areas—Akrotiri and Dhekelia.

Once a British colony, Cyprus gained independence in 1960. However, tensions quickly arose between the Greek Cypriot majority and the Turkish Cypriot minority. Greek Cypriots pushed for enosis (union with Greece), while Turkish Cypriots sought taksim (partition). This led to violent clashes, prompting a UN peacekeeping mission in 1964. In 1974, a coup backed by Greece’s military junta attempted to annex Cyprus to Greece. In response, Turkey launched a military intervention, citing its role as a guarantor under the 1960 Treaty of Guarantee.

Among nations, Cyprus isn't ranked as one of the safest countries for tourists, unlike France. However, France is often perceived as slightly unfriendly to travelers, mainly because many prefer speaking their native language rather than English. A new trend is emerging where Chinese is gaining global traction, particularly in tourism. In Turkey, street vendors are learning Chinese to accommodate the growing number of Chinese tourists. One key factor driving this trend is the growing number of middle-class Chinese travelers, benefiting the tourism industry.

China’s global influence is undeniable, especially in Africa, where it has established kung fu schools and encouraged locals to learn Chinese. For example, Zambia’s Shaolin Cultural Center is the first of its kind in Africa. China has become an economic powerhouse, dominating major African infrastructure projects, with Chinese companies managing 80% of large-scale developments. The country has seen impressive academic achievements, with Sichuan University rising to 11th place globally in scientific research, surpassing MIT, Oxford, and Stanford. 

China’s growing influence has unsettled Donald Trump, the newly elected American president. In response, he has announced new tariffs on China, Mexico, and Canada. The economic and technological battlefield between the U.S. and China has intensified, especially after China released DeepSeek, an AI model similar to ChatGPT. Initially developed using Nvidia's H100 processors, DeepSeek now runs on Huawei’s Ascend 910C chip. In this era, nations are racing to develop AI technology for the future, investing heavily in research and innovation to stay ahead.

I've rewritten this letter more than seven times. I started in Colombo, continued in Dhaka, then in Lahore. Each time, I erased entire paragraphs over and over until I lost count. I can't write the way César Aira does with his fuga hacia adelante technique—a writing method that avoids revision. He always encourages young writers to push forward without making corrections or restructuring their work, urging them to strike while the iron is hot. But most writers let their manuscripts sit untouched for months or even years before editing.

Until we meet again. Take care, kiddo.

A moment of peace

It’s 3:28 AM in Mumbai. I just took a shower, but sleep feels impossible. Something crossed my mind a few days ago. I used to avoid reflecting on my feelings, but tonight, I have the time to dwell on them. I still remember every word you said—they resurface unexpectedly. I want to forget, but my mind refuses to let go. Tonight, one particular line came back to me, and after so long, I logged into the chat app to find it. After half an hour of searching—despite the usual internet issues—I finally did— "His only advantage is, he is consistently there, wherever I turn... he is just there..."

For the months we were in contact, I felt happiness, yet beneath it, a constant sense of guilt and stress. I could sense you felt the same. If my persistence ever became overwhelming, I’m truly sorry. I noticed how your mood shifted often, and I never knew if it was because of me or something else. Even after a decade, I still struggle to fully understand you. Perhaps Oscar Wilde was right—women are not meant to be understood, only loved. You are still as captivating as the day I knew you—beautiful, intelligent, strong, and independent. I’ve always admired you.

In one of your last emails, you wished we could meet under better circumstances. You said our love shouldn’t be tainted by infidelity. Matt Haig, in How to Be Happy, wrote "Don't drown in a sea of 'what ifs.' Don't clutter your mind by imagining other versions of you, in parallel universes, where you made different choices." I believe you made the right choice by leaving. It was for your own good when someone else offered you something better. It was a wise decision. As the saying goes, "People leave when they find someone better." Do not feel guilty for betraying our blossoming love.

Our affair brought moments of joy, but it also brought turmoil. My thoughts were restless, my heart unsettled. You said you were exhausted from hiding. Your husband was watching closely. The weight of secrecy drained us both. Missing someone is painful, but it is far less exhausting than living in constant secrecy. Despite the stress, I have to admit, my jealousy was something I couldn’t handle. It tore me apart, causing my emotions to swing wildly. But now, everything seems to have settled into a routine. For us, normal is filled with longing and constant thoughts of each other. That’s just how it is.

I never minded sneaking away to talk to you, but I couldn’t deceive myself—I felt guilty for putting you in that situation. I didn’t want to destroy your marriage. You didn’t deserve that. And, as you said, your husband didn’t deserve to be hurt either. I tried to see things from his perspective, and I couldn’t lie to myself—this affair, despite bringing joy, also carried immense guilt. I had the choice not to disrupt your marriage, so why did I choose otherwise? The responsibility was always mine. Now, at least, we are free from guilt, free from the fear of being discovered. Yet, the burden of longing still haunts us.

Matt Haig also wrote: "The past is the past. The only way to make a better life is from inside the present. To focus on regret does nothing but turn that very present into another thing you will wish you did differently. Accept your own reality. Accepting where you are in life makes it so much easier to be happy with other people." And as you said—this is our reality. We each have our own lives. We must move forward. It’s hard to turn the page when you know someone won’t be in the next chapter, but the story must go on. It is so hard to say goodbye to someone you are not ready to lose.

I try to detach myself from you. Each time my mind drifts back to you, I remind myself of the words you once said—words that left me feeling utterly defeated "Sayang saya untuk awak tak pernah kurang, cuma saya sayangkan dia lebih...", "He loves me wholeheartedly." I hold onto those words, hoping they will help my heart accept what my mind once refused to believe. Maybe then, I can finally silence the thoughts of you. I will always remember what my wife once told me — "The loyal ones always lose to those who are always present." She’s a woman—she understands what you’re going through.

Silence speaks volumes between two people who could have been together but weren’t—yet still carry a soft spot for each other. As Oliver Sacks once wrote, "The meaning of life… is tied to love—who, what, and how we love." Seneca echoed a similar sentiment, saying, "Joy comes from those we love, even in their absence." Victoria Erickson captured the essence of fleeting beauty when she said, "Paradise is not a place. It exists in moments. In connections. In flashes across time." The time we shared was invaluable. To me, you were, as Nasir Kazmi described, "In an era of calamities, you were a moment of peace."

Mumbai, Maharashtra

Feb 5th, 2025

A beautiful name

Hi dearest Nurhara,

I had the pleasure of visiting the New Delhi World Book Fair at the Bharat Mandapam Complex. This 52nd edition features participation from 52 countries and over 2,000 publishers. The ticket prices are quite reasonable—₹20 for adults and ₹10 for children. This year, the fair highlights international literary heritage, with a special exhibit dedicated to Russian literature. The theme for NDWBF 2025, Republic@75, celebrates 75 years of India as a Republic. Much like the Cairo International Book Fair (CIBF), NDWBF also has a Children’s Pavilion, encouraging young readers to develop a love for books. India remains one of the most successful nations in producing professionals across various fields, especially in technology.

I recently attended the Kolkata International Book Fair, though I was disappointed by Bangladesh’s absence this year, given its nearly three-decade-long participation. Nonetheless, the fair featured a diverse range of international publishers from countries such as Argentina, Spain, Peru, the United Kingdom, France, Russia, and Nepal. With 1,050 publishers participating, the event is expecting 2.7 million visitors and projected book sales of ₹23 crore. In comparison, the Cairo International Book Fair attracts 1,345 publishing houses from 80 countries, with over 6,000 exhibitors. Last year, it attracted 5 million visitors in 12 days, setting a global benchmark and showing that reading remains strong in the smartphone era.

Studies indicate that children from wealthier families tend to develop stronger reading habits, giving them a distinct advantage over their peers from working-class backgrounds. While these families can afford books, parental involvement also plays a crucial role in fostering a love for reading. A review in the Bulletin of Education and Research highlights that parental education, reading support, and home literacy practices significantly shape children's reading habits. During my childhood, when books were costly, I often opted for second-hand ones as they were more affordable. I also frequented the public library to borrow books. These were the options that allowed me to keep reading, fueling my love for books.

Some of the most inspiring stories come from ordinary people who built libraries from discarded books. José Alberto Gutiérrez, a garbage truck worker in Colombia, and Sema Keskaya, a sanitation worker in Turkey, created free libraries for their communities using books that others had thrown away. It doesn’t matter what job you do—if you read, you are an intelligent person. Knowledge opens doors, broadens perspectives, and shapes the future. Unlike wealth, which can fade, knowledge remains invaluable. As the Quran states in Surah Al-'Alaq, the word Iqra means "Read" or "Recite," highlighting the deep significance of knowledge and lifelong learning in Islam. The more you seek knowledge, the more wisdom you gain.

My journey from Jaipur to New Delhi by train takes about five hours, and I truly enjoy the experience. Would you like to take a train trip in Jaipur next time? Known as the Pink City, Jaipur is steeped in history and architectural marvels. Some of its most iconic landmarks include Hawa Mahal, Amber Fort, City Palace, Jantar Mantar, and Nahargarh Fort. Founded in 1727 by Maharaja Sawai Jai Singh II, Jaipur became the capital of Rajasthan. Historically, it was a Rajput stronghold, with Rajput rulers maintaining control despite conflicts with the Delhi Sultanate and later the Mughals. Jaipur continues to flourish as a top tourist destination, attracting millions of visitors annually. In 2023, Rajasthan drew 179 million domestic tourists.

Ara. Such a beautiful name, rich in meaning across different cultures. In Armenian, Ara is associated with Ara the Beautiful, a legendary king symbolizing bravery and beauty. In Korean, it means "ocean" or "big river," while in Arabic, it translates to "opinions" or "views." In Hebrew, Ara is a minor biblical figure's name, meaning "lion" or "bringer of light." In Turkish, Ara means "search" or "interval," while in Tagalog, it signifies "hope" or "light." But to me, Ara is more than just a name—it is the woman Allah destined for me 50,000 years before I was born, the one who brings me peace, guidance, and completes my half deen. You illuminate my path with hope, soothe my tears, ease my burdens, and, above all, embrace me as your man.

별 하나 나를 비추고

너는 내게로 와서 나를 사랑한다고 말한다

Translation:

One star shines upon me,

And you come to me and say you love me

(Yoon Dong-ju)

New Delhi - Mumbai

February 3, 2025