Ummi,
I have brought my family out from Malaysia. I was worried for days but I acted cool like nothing happened. No one should know about that. I don't want anyone to have a panic attack. I do whatever it takes to make sure everything is fine.
Still, before leaving, I went to check something and I found out there was nothing to worry about, but I crossed the line this time. I don't know why I did that, but… should I promise you not to do it again? I don't want it to become a habit or addiction.
I know it is wrong. Contacting her is wrong enough, but the heart is hard to control. Sometimes I win, most of the time I lose. Back then, when I was with her, I didn't have another woman in my life. Actually, Ummi, I don't have a scandal. They are just my friends.
A scandal is with someone towards whom we have feelings, but I don't have feelings for anyone except her. I don't like to have scandals with anyone. I don't like women to have power over me. I don't like to be controlled by a woman.
What would life be like if I could spend my whole life with her? I don't know… I want a life with her, but it looks like I don't have any hope. Life is complicated and doesn't always give us choices. A choice doesn't present me with many options.
I have crossed the line and I regret it, but I swear I didn't do anything wrong. I should stay away from Malaysia forever. Malaysia isn't a good place for me. I don't want to make more senseless actions. This is all too much, I suppose. I am filled with regret.
I didn't do anything. I just looked around for 10 minutes. Ummi, I don't want to do that again. Can you pray for me to be better behaved? I am your good boy. I want to become a good man, and love has driven me to madness and made me lose control.
I'm sorry, Ummi.
KL - Shibuya
01042024