Ara,
If one day you happen to stumble upon this blog, please don't be upset with me, as I couldn't resist writing about her. She is a part of me, no matter how much I attempt to separate myself from her. She was the one I truly loved before I met you, and I still love her. I love every part of her. She is my beloved partner, my best friend, my other half, my family—she is everything to me. She knows me well. I didn't have anyone else apart from her.
You know... I really wanted to choose her to be with me, but I have you. I couldn't bear to break your heart. You have been good to me, and I don't want to hurt her either, but I didn't have a choice. I truly desire her, but I cannot have her. Every day, I sense the void left by her absence. My thoughts often wander to her; they never fail to remember her, and she remains constantly on my mind with no sign of leaving. She permanently resides.
If one day I am no longer in this world, please know that I love you deeply, I truly do. I love you just as much as I love her. There is no difference. I have given my best to you, but the way I love you is different. I simply wanted to keep it within my heart. I may not write about you often, but it doesn't mean I don't love you. I always enjoy reminiscing about our arguments that end with kisses or hugs - those special moments we share.
Thank you for being a wonderful wife to me, despite the many mistakes I have made. I regained my life when I met you. You have given me hope, support, and love in your own unique ways. I thank you for still choosing me, even though I didn't make any efforts to win your heart. I took so long just to say a simple "hi", and yet you still gave me a chance. You are truly a great woman who fills my heart with boundless hope.
Missing her doesn't imply that I didn't love you. It's simply that I never had the chance to be with her. Writing helps me create the dreams I couldn't fulfill with her—countless dreams. I have never regretted building a new life with you. You have given me light when I try to escape my darkest cloud. She was waiting for me to choose her, but I chose to stay with you. I couldn't let you go. You are my precious gift from Allah.
15-01-2024