Wednesday, August 28, 2024

Hi little one

During pregnancy, a woman's brain shrinks in size. This is why some pregnant women may experience small, sometimes subtle deficits in tasks, like recalling items from a list they have studied, or remembering to do certain things in the future. After delivering the baby, it would take up to six months for the mother's brain to regain its original size. The cells in the brain reduce in size without reducing in number. In other words, neuron density remains the same, which is why the brain capacity returns to normal after childbirth. A study published in Nature Neuroscience revealed that pregnant women experience a decrease in gray matter in specific brain regions responsible for social cognition and forming attachments. However, this loss of gray matter actually enhances a mother's feelings of attachment to her baby and improves her ability to understand their needs and emotions. Using MRI scans, researchers examined the brains of pregnant women before and after giving birth. They discovered that the reduction in gray matter in specific brain regions actually improves the brain's efficiency in understanding nonverbal cues from newborns. This change enables mothers to quickly identify potential dangers and enhances their emotional connection with their babies. The first study was published in the American Journal of Neuroradiology, and it’s entitled, “Change in brain size during and after pregnancy: study in healthy women and women with preeclampsia”. The second study was published in Nature Neuroscience and it’s entitled, “Pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in human brain structure”. 
— Unknown

I came across this and thought of you. How are you, little one? I hope you are doing well. I really want to see your mom's bump, but I won't have the chance. I need to distance myself from her. I should have done it a long time ago before things got out of hand and nearly ruined everything—hindsight is 20/20. I don't know why I miss you. Maybe it’s because I’m a part of you?

I had a dream that your mom got into an accident. I was following her from behind when a car crashed into hers, causing it to spin several times. I rushed to save her. She was unconscious. I kept saying, "Bangun sayang," I carried her, got into my car, and rushed to the hospital. I saw your mom's car explode. As I drove, I kept trying to wake her, holding her hand, but she didn't respond.

When the doctor put her on a stretcher to take her to the labor room (or surgery room, I’m not sure), she held my fingers. I walked with her to the door. The doctor asked, "Encik suami dia?" but I didn’t respond. I waited outside the room patiently. When she was stable, I walked to the ward but didn’t enter because I saw your dad arriving, so I just left. I didn’t see your face.