I got chest pain again today. All I can remember is her. Is she okay? Did any clinic staff interrupt her session with her patient? Is she hurt or in pain? I search for her face in my mind, wondering how she is doing. She sent me two emails early this morning. I haven't read them yet. Maybe later, when I feel a bit calmer and my emotions are more stable. Maybe later, when my mind stops processing everything and accepts this fate. "We can't ask someone to sacrifice for our own happiness," they say. I feel sorry for asking her to make a sacrifice when I myself don't want to do it.
I will stop trying to find a way or thinking of how to get what I want. Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Having her around is enough, I guess.
I'm sorry, babe.
Yala, Thailand
22-04-2024