"Hmm...abang takkan tinggal syg lagi ke? Even if I say goodbye over and over? You are not gonna budge? You are not walking away?"
_
Do I get mad at her? No, I don't. She is free to make her own choices. If she wants to stay, I am happy. If she decides to leave, there must be a good reason behind it. She knows I will still welcome her with open arms whenever she says hello.
She is a very direct person, and I am someone who struggles to communicate openly. Once, she asked me if she arouses my desire for intimacy. I felt my face blush. Then she made it clear that we cannot have any "closeness" beyond what is appropriate with our respective partners. I couldn't help but think that she hasn't changed. She is very straightforward, whereas I find it difficult to engage in such conversations. I simply can't. I believe it should be a matter of common sense and unspoken understanding. But that's just the way she is.
She said goodbye for the first time because she felt jealous of my wife. I heard her voice, sounding like she was crying, and I knew she was hurt, but it was too late at that time. I chose my words carefully, but I ended up hurting her. It hurts to feel envious, doesn't it? That's why I kept my distance from her for nine years. Envy can make people lose control. Now you know how it feels. Go as far as you want, say goodbye a thousand times, I know you will come back. You are addicted to me. I am the one who can calm your heart.
She will come back with an innocent face, saying, "Sorry, Abang, I miss you. No more goodbyes, okay?" It means there will be another goodbye, and then she will come back again. A few minutes later, she wants to be close to me, but a few hours later, she asks, "Can I sign out from your heart?" That's my girl. She can do whatever she wants to me. She can hurt me, leave me, make me jealous, make me cry, make me smile, make me laugh, make me high, and suddenly bring a hurricane into my head. She can't get enough attention from me. She always wants more. She likes to torture my heart, and I let her do it, still accepting all of it because she can do all these things only with me.
PS: Do you already miss me?