"Takkan Ara tak tahu. Kan dah pasang tracker dekat semua phone abang"
"Sejak bila abang tahu?"
"Lama dah. Tu pun sebab tak guna WhatsApp. Kalau tak, WhatsApp pun Ara duplicate"
"Mmm…"
"Abang tahu, tapi abang malas nak bising sebab abang faham Ara trauma pasal Haff, tapi abang bukan Haff"
"………"
"I have never let anyone read my personal file, but I let you read it early before we get married. I let you meet my psychiatrist in the hope that there are no secrets between us. I try to be open and honest with you, but that is not enough. My past relationships had so many troubles because I kept everything to myself. I didn't open up. When I met you, I tried to change. There are no secrets between us, but that is when all the trouble started"
"Why you put the blame on me when everything in your life is all about her?"
"No... I have left my past behind. I'm trying to create a new life with you, and I'm happy"
"For real, swear to God, you don't miss her?"
"There are times when I really miss her and don't know what to do"
"See…"
"I want to see her, I want to meet her, I want to look into her eyes, but I didn't do it. I didn't go to meet her because I'm afraid I won't be able to let her go again. I know that if I meet her, I won't let her leave me for a second time, and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose our happiness. I still chose you, tapi Ara selalu tak percayakan abang"
"I have doubts about how you truly treat me as if I am just a shadow. Who do you see when you look at me: the real me or her?"
"I tried to replace my past with you. I made an effort to change and do everything that would make both of us happy. I didn't have all the opportunities with her that I have with you. I can't walk, both of my eyes can't see, my kidneys have failed, only one of my hands functions, and most of my organs are not functioning properly. I'm almost done. There isn't a day without pain, without tears, but she was there for me. When she complained about someone bullying her at her office, I couldn't do anything. I feel so useless, and then someone came along and she told me she likes that man. I let her go, even though it feels so heavy. She deserves a life like anyone else. I want her to be happy. I hope that man can replace me and bring a smile to her face. I'm hurting not because she chose him, but because I failed to be the man she needed"
"Is that why you cut off the ****** of the man who was bothering me from the alley to my office?"
"Ara tak tahu sakit di bandingkan. Ara tak pernah rasa. Ara takkan faham. Abang tak pernah bawa luka masa silam abang pada Ara, tapi Ara bawa luka masa silam Ara pada abang"
"………"
"I am not good at loving people. Like I said before, I end up hurting the people I love. I hurt her the most. You have no idea about the pain she had to endure"
"If you love her so much, then why don't you go to her?"
"I ignored so many girls for her, but I can't ignore you. That's why I came to Kino every Tuesday just to see you. When I see you, I want to regain all the things I had missed..."
"………"
"Leave me alone for a minute. I have a headache. I'm sorry, Ara. It's me who failed to convince you. I don't want to hurt you. You are a good wife to me. I don't want to risk everything I have with you. I love our family"
4-1-2024